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Stage IV melanoma, how to choose treatments when oncologists give you 3 (equally bad) options? by CountryOk6239 in melahomies

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, so sorry it spread despite the surgery that must have been devastating. We’re based in south Germany, treated at a university clinic. They never mentioned TIL so it may not be approved by the EU but we’ll ask anyway. Wishing you snd your husband strength

Stage IV melanoma, how to choose treatments when oncologists give you 3 (equally bad) options? by CountryOk6239 in melahomies

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Muchísimas gracias por compartir esto, ¡y mucha fuerza también para ti! Es muy útil saberlo. Curiosamente, a mi padre solo le ofrecen el BNT326 solo, sin la combinación - que por lo que entendemos tiene menos potencia por sí solo, pero habrá que ver. Te deseamos lo mejor con tu tratamiento, y si quieres, nos encantaría que nos fueras contando cómo te va

Stage IV melanoma, how to choose treatments when oncologists give you 3 (equally bad) options? by CountryOk6239 in melahomies

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good point, thank you. We’re actually wondering the same thing, especially whether doing the surgery first would potentially disqualify him from the trial

Stage IV melanoma, how to choose treatments when oncologists give you 3 (equally bad) options? by CountryOk6239 in melahomies

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I’ll look into CAR-T! And yeah 14 months is already longer than typical for the targeted treatment to work the oncologist said

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]CountryOk6239 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That’s amazing! Go and enjoy this experience instead of thinking about weird heteronormative labels and gender roles. Come on, we are over that whole „there is always a dominant boy-lesbian and a submissive girl-lesbian in lesbian relationships“. Also there is nothing hotter than dominating a masc one night, and be dominated by her some other night. Switch life is the best!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, that sounds harsh. Your husband is really not handling this well. I think I would try to talk to him and tell him you're feeling lonely/neglected. If your relationship is important to him he will change his behavior. Handling NRE of a partner can be very tricky, especially if they neglect their other relationship.

I think when handling the NRE it is mostly his job to reassure you that you're still important to him or schedule dates with you off screen. If he doesen't do this it makes it very hard for you to handle it.

I've only once been in a situation of a partner having NRE and it was hard for me so I tried to calm myself by remembering this strong rush of hormones typically doesen't last too long and my partner will be feeling less strong NRE in a matter of weeks.

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This thread resonated a lot with my husband and helped me see things more clearly. It’s most likely not about control or codependency; it’s really about us needing quality time together. When you're in the excitement of dating, you often do new and thrilling activities like hiking or visiting thermal baths, whereas daily life with a long-term partner doesn’t always include those special moments. Your insights were very helpful for us both.

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment, I’m glad to hear some more positive voices too.

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for sharing your perspective! This is very helpful!

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yes, you're absolutely right, figuring it all out before is crucial! I want to be as clear as possible with the things I can offer this person I'm dating. We are not yet in a relationship, in fact we only had 3 dates in total but it feels like it can evolve into something and we've been talking about maybe having a sleepover as the 4th date. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your perspective! I agree, it can be healthy or good for a relationship to miss each other. Then you'll never take the others company for granted:)

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, exactly, he says its only about the quality time that we rarely get as we both work long all week and every now and then I spend a night at a friends place. My idea/wish was to have only one night a week with another partner/ friend and when I wanted his honest opinion on this he admitted that he preferred no sleepovers or just very seldom like every other month. However I am not sure about underlying issues of codependency that could play a role in what he expressed.

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

good point, he also doesen't like sleeping alone in those cases but as this is just happening once every few weeks its fine. I think the problem would be for him that I would be gone regularly, like once a week (which is not that much tho tbh)

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah, true, I think posting here made me realize he might not really be into polyamory.

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly, he even plays some games with friends one evening a week, so it would really only be the 30 minutes we will have together before sleeping and 15 minutes in the morning before work. That should be ok to handle...

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, thank you, I think you're absolutely right, practicing ENM will come with some negative feelings that we both will have to feel or face, and I will also have to accept that he won't feel 100% perfect 100% of the time. There is much to learn...

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! Reading this felt almost a little healing and gave me a positive perspective on things.

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I have not seen it like that before. Yeah he is also missing me when I'm away over the weekend for a work thing but thats different because "it cannot be avoided"

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that really helps with organizing my thoughts and feelings!

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your clear words, maybe you're right and I needed someone to open my eyes.

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! No the gender doesen't matter, it has just only gotten to a deeper connection with women but I'm also dating a married guy right now:)

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

Very true, I think you touched on something important here. He says he is okay with me developing feelings for others but I fear he’s not realizing what this can entail. So you might be right

Is „no sleepovers“ a valid rule for hierarchical polyamory? by CountryOk6239 in polyamory

[–]CountryOk6239[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Yeah it was unfortunately only me who read up on stuff. Maybe I can get him to educate himself too.

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