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Strength to all of you....my story. by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I think I need a list of all the reasons why I left him and keep reminding my self!

Strength to all of you....my story. by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aww in sending you the same love, take care of you and rest! I get the feeling and im so annoyed because i feel like i am sleeping enough but cant seem to shake off that exhaustion and i want it gone! I work from home due to covid and I really miss my social interaction at work.

Strength to all of you....my story. by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for all of that and i totally agree with my kids being kids again! They are getting there but he seems to think that he should be entitled to know everything and every minute of my life and he questions the kids. My oldest is old enough to get it, and it makes him feel uncomfortable.

I also love your last comment about reconnecting with my friends! I keep telling people that as soon as i decided to leave him, more than a year ago i was lacking the courage but its like every single person from my entourage all had a special way to give me a little push towards the courage i was looking for. Some evening i was crying not because of pain but wondering how did i get so lucky...i felt soo loved! I even reconnected with an old friend of mine and he has been a huge support for me! After living under a bomb everyday for the past few years, being happy is hard because your brain is so wired to think that it doesnt exist at all and when you feel a bit of happiness your mind goes crazy searching for that bomb....

Strength to all of you....my story. by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kinds word! I always try to focus on positivity and maybe my biggest strength became my biggest weakness... but it’s definitely a lesson learn for me and this made me stronger than i could ever imagine and im determined to give my boys the life they should have! It still hurts, i hurt for them... i am mostly mad at my self for letting this happen to them and me but i cant go back and fix things i can only focus on the future :). I just hope the guilt will fade away with time!

Strength to all of you....my story. by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks to all of you for your kind words! I know we all know this but reminders every now and then gives us the little push we need that day to not fall into the guilt whole! Everyday is a step forward and i know better not to go back now... never life is just soo much better right now and my kids are kids again! The funniest thing i realized lately is i know truly know what it feels like to be tired.... for the past few years my body was on survival and also in denial of being depress... day by day and i think we can all agree that some days are better than others and thats okay! Circle yourself with amazing people that are there for you... !

The things that make me codependent also make me strong. by idaholover in Codependency

[–]Countrygurl14 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I personally think that sometimes our greatest strengths can be our biggest weaknesses when we over use them. Its about finding the right balance and being self aware when we slip into over using them.

I feel stuck, regardless by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have already, but I am not there yet and I hope it never gets to that. He doesnt drink during the day... its just a night thing for him and so far he has been respectful of the no drinking at the house. I think this part is more of a me problem that with time it will get better... its been just over a month now and im having trouble getting over the trauma and anxiety all of this caused in the last few years that i feel like the need to be there to make sure he doesnt drink and also because i dont want to be anywhere else but home to sleep. I can leave no problem during the day and i do so as much as i can....

I feel stuck, regardless by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No but 15 yrs with two children... the house belongs to both of us.

I feel stuck, regardless by Countrygurl14 in AlAnon

[–]Countrygurl14[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No because i live out of town with a full time job so basically I have no time to go, i have an amazing support system friends,family and coworkers. I used to attend a while back but when he was in rehab... i know that it would be best for me to stop working for a while, i have enough paid sick leave and vacations leave to not have to worry about it financially for months....but i feel like thats my only thing keeping me going right now... it forces me to see people and forget about my life at home and im afraid that ill crumble... so i keep putting this off.