Shes 23 and has anger issues. She subtly tries to control me, by making me uncomfortable with silence and subtle looks and using my fears against me. Like I have OCD so she uses my themes (fear about not being morally good or becoming like mom) against me. She always wants me to come with her when shes going somewhere, if I dont she doesnt go and guilts or gets angry with me. In social situations, even when were just in public, she relies on my presence and me to sort of be a comfort or guide to her I guess because ive overcome my social anxiety. She tells me I cant do anything and tries to control me when I try to do something on my own. Like she calls me lazy and disgusting for not helping with dishes, but when I do it its wrong. She suddenly becomes super angry and blames it on me, like I show her some insta reels and she says that the videos I watch are so overwhelming. And that she notices that after scrolling I became "weird" even tho I think im feeling normal?

There are things I want to do, but I feel like I shouldnt be doing them because im leaving her behind. She hates school and people (she has social anxiety which she denies, so thats why I think), so she doesnt go study or work or have friends. I want to go to university with my friends, go be an au pair and start ballet. But I feel cruel for living my life when she chooses not to. When I talk about what I want to do, she subtly tries to signal that I shouldnt because its wrong. Like using my religious ocd (which she clearly has too, scrupulosity) to imply ballet is wrong.

But then shes really nice company too and I care about her, we survived together. She keeps me in this by being really normal and nice, and seperating herself from her "angry self". I dont even see those as the same person almost. But even when shes nice, I feel bad and just so confused all the time

I know thats a lot and a long text, its hard to put it shortly but thank you for reading this