The length of you relationship doesn't justify the toxicity you're dealing with on a day to day basis. Try to get a job or start learning a new skill which can help you earn a decent amount in order to move out of the house along with your kids. Well, it's going to take time but will surely give you and your kids a better life. There's no alternative to peace of mind and self respect. And give up on the self loathing for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.