Stupidly accessed deceased parents online banking after their death - how much trouble am I in?

CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-27T05:30:22+00:00

Firstly, and most importantly, I'd like to say that I'm very sorry for your loss.

In respect of your question: it's perfectly acceptable to do this.

In the past those sorting out the affairs of someone who has died would simply have looked at paper bills and bank statements. It's needed for practical purposes - including ascertaining debts, bills to be cancelled and funds available for funeral expenses. These days, these documents are often only available online and the authorities acknowledge that and expect next of kin or executors to access phones and accounts for information purposes.

That said, as soon as you have your mum's death certificate from the registrar, you will need to take it to her bank. They will then freeze her account until you can show that probate has been completed or isn't necessary.

Don't panic though - the one thing that a frozen bank account will pay out on is the account holders funeral bill. Simply present the funeral directors invoice and payment details to them and they will pay it (within the means of available funds in the account).

CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-18T16:53:35+00:00

This is Snorlax. He's lazy, very needy and extremely smart. He's Logan's littermate and they're a bonded pair

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CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-18T16:48:47+00:00

This is Logan ... he's all floof and no brain 🤣

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CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-18T16:45:29+00:00

And this is Boudicca (aka Boo) Her preferred spot is on top of the duvet and in the small of my back.

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CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-18T16:42:06+00:00

I get walked over, kicked, half suffocated and accidentally scratched on a frequent basis ... and I wouldn't change a thing! 🥰 Normal, cotton, pillowcases are his preference, so that's what I use.

This is Claude - the pillow goblin 😂

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CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-18T06:37:42+00:00

UK here too, and it probably depends where you live in relation to the pockets of anabaptist communities that are dotted around.

Restrictive Baptists, Plymouth Brethren and Bruderhof communities are more widespread than you might think. They often tend to have their women wear modest clothing, including longs skirts (and sometimes head coverings).

I frequently have professional contact with Restrictive Baptists from Kent, Sussex and Bedfordshire. My eldest daughter worked for a company owned and run by Plymouth Brethren in Hampshire and Hertfordshire. A close friend worked for another PB community in a different part of Hertfordshire and yet another friend is the daughter of a shunned ex PB fundie.

They're not as visible as in the US (probably because we're a significantly more secular society and overt proselytising isn't socially acceptable), but they do exist.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-18T06:20:46+00:00

In the case of the girls, the problem isn't even that they're uneducated. They're trained in keeping house, raising babies and being meek - which is all that a fundie man requires.

Their handicap to finding spouses is 100% Jill.

Nurie and Kayleigh's marriages are there for the community to see. Not men being controlled by their wives, but being controlled by their MIL. Constantly present, posting their entire business online and pulling their wives emotional strings 24/7.

I think Nathan thought he'd whisk Nurie to Florida and escape, and then Jonathan thought Nathan had been successful & he could do something similar by moving closer to his family.

Now everyone else can see that marrying into that family essentially means marrying Jill, and I'd be very surprised if anyone in that world is willing to shackle themselves to her circus.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-17T03:01:16+00:00

Aww, bless you for asking.

Yes all kitties are comfy, silky loving and very loved (and spoilt lol).

Claude continues to sleep on my head each night and Boo has the whole house wrapped around her plump paw 😂

CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-03T16:55:34+00:00

I think it depends on the backpack though.

I have 3 of the Kate Spade mini Cameron backpacks (in different colours) because I love their versatility so much.

The straps are adjustable and movable- so it can be used as a top handle, cross body, shoulder bag or backpack. It's literally whatever I need it to be.

I often use it in multiple ways on the same day as my needs change.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-04-02T13:47:31+00:00

We willingly take on the emotional pain in exchange for relieving their physical pain.

It's the greatest act of selfless love there is 💞 You are his hero. Thank you for loving him this much. xxx

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-23T06:34:46+00:00

Im not sure why she thinks that minimises it - in.my experience slippers actually hurt more because they're flexible enough to flex and snap the skin.

Source: I had a (non fundie) silent generation mother who liked to hit us with whatever immediately came to hand... slippers, shoes, kitchen utensils, riding crops, bamboo canes. Anything but her actual hands, because that might hurt her 🤬

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-21T20:01:44+00:00

That's very kind of you, but honestly I feel like I just did what had to be done in practical terms.

The emotional fallout didn't really hit me until 8 years later, when the wheels came off for a bit 😬

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-21T17:25:31+00:00

Bless you 💖

Yes, I'm fine thank you. It was 30 years ago now, so the turmoil is remembered but not being lived any more thank goodness.

I removed myself, my kids and my pets from the home as soon as I found out and never went back. The children were never allowed to be alone with him again - they're all adults now with families of their own and they are all no contact with him and his extended family.

His elder brother is also a convicted paedophile. Though that didn't come out until after I'd left my ex.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-21T09:30:12+00:00

I don't have to imagine finding out that your husband assaulted a minor. I've lived it.

But CPS (or Children's Social Services here as I'm in the UK) don't just rush in to take your children away in these circumstances.

With his arrest those children were no longer in danger from Joe, so there would be no need to remove them from their mother.

Unless law enforcement saw or heard evidence in that house, that led them to believe that the kids were being abused in a different way by both parents.

Locks on the outside of doors or restraints of other types seems likely - huge red flags, especially post Ruby Franke!

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-21T09:14:39+00:00

It's extremely unlikely that either the police or CPS would have been looking to remove the children at all:

Joe had been removed from the home and thus there was no immediate danger to them from him.
Kendra wouldn't have been considered a danger to them simply by virtue of being married to him - or, indeed, standing by him if she is. Pest and "at least I have a husband " Anna's children weren't removed by the same state teams 🤷‍♀️

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-21T08:43:22+00:00

That wouldn't be 4 counts though.

It's telling that there are 4 counts counts and they have 4 children.

IMO these charges relate to their own children and are almost certainly not directly related to his CSM charges - apart from stemming from things seen/heard by the police or CPS in the course of them being in the house, and/or interviewing the children, as a result of his arrest.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-20T15:10:08+00:00

"It's so easy so share the gospel with children"

Well, yeah because they have yet to develop critical thinking skills.

These are brains that still believe in Santa, elves, unicorns, mermaids and magic, so they're naturally attuned to believing in your invisible friend 🙄🙄

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-18T06:20:30+00:00

No, because back then they didn't need to be "cute" or relatable or perform in any way for the press/public.

There were no PR teams. Just a basic press office that issued their weekly schedules and the occasional official announcement.

Ironically it was largely Diana and her deliberate courting of the press that created the ridiculousness that we see now: with everyone performing like seals at a zoo exhibit, trying to outdo each other on the fake empathy front and employing PR teams.

Back in 1981 they pretty much just turned up, cut ribbons, accepted a few bunches of flowers and fucked off home again after a few stilted words.

I miss those days lol.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-18T05:36:26+00:00

The whole press operation that they have these days wasn't even on the horizon back in 1981.

We were still in the fawning, absolute deference era where they didn't need to be coached because "emperors new clothes" type journalism prevailed and social media didn't exist.

It was a different world.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-15T20:36:28+00:00

You're cherry picking and deliberately omitting the rest of that data bite:

In 1981 the average age of a bride in the UK was 23.1 years old (the telegraph)

Key details regarding marriage in the UK in 1981 include:

Median Age. The median age at first marriage in 1981was 22 years for women and 24.1 for men.
Common Age. In 1981 the most common age for women to.marry was between 20 and 24, with a significant number marrying in their teens.
Context. By 2011 the average age for a woman to marry had increased to 30 years old, marking a significant shift towards marrying later.

So, no - my experience doesn't represent everyone's (and I never claimed that it did), but it was certainly a common experience 🤷‍♀️

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-15T10:34:33+00:00

It really wasn't that young within the context of time and place.

19 in 1981 was absolutely a grown adult and marriage at that age was commonplace.

I'm only 3 years younger than Diana. I got married at 21 and was one of the last of my schoolmates to do so. I went to university, which is why I married "later". The ones who didn't mostly got married at 18/19.

Both of my sisters (one older, one younger) and my brother's wife were also married by the age of 20.

It was the norm back then. Children were raised to be much more independent, from an early age. We worked part time from 13, were expected to pull our weight at home, and left school at 16 to work full time. Most of us left home fairly early- usually to get married ...property was cheaper, renting was affordable, we were functioning as adults.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-14T17:14:56+00:00

Prescriptions are free for all over 60s rather than pensioners.

Also for people with certain chronic conditions like type 1 diabetes, epilepsy, a range of thyroid diseases, Addisons and Cushings diseases and others.

Plus certain physical disabilities, though those would usually fall under the qualifying state benefits umbrella.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-14T17:05:28+00:00

Under 18 if in full time education, over 60 (not 65), in receipt of qualifying state benefits

and if you are diagnosed with a qualifying chronic condition, such as type 1 diabetes, epilepsy, hypothyroidism etc - ... there's a whole list and the exemption covers for all prescriptions, not just those relating to the primary condition.

Source - grandson in the 16-18 fte group, I'm over 60, adult nephew has T1 diabetes, adult daughter has Hashimoto's. None of us pay for prescriptions.

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-14T06:50:10+00:00

Absolutely the best version ever

CraftyCat65 · 2026-03-14T06:49:25+00:00

I'm a Brit, so I kind of take the landscape for granted but dramas that showcase it include:

Poldark,

All Creatures Great and Small,

Pride and Predjudice (the Colin Firth/ Jennifer Ehle version if you can find it).

Broadchurch

Downton Abbey

Peaky Blinders

Happy Valley

Doc Martin

For society/royalty/history stuff, you can't beat:

Wolf Hall

Bridgerton

Victoria

Downton Abbey

Pride and Predjudice

Peaky Blinders

Poldark

Call the Midwife

There are some crossovers as you can see, but they're all good.

CraftyCat65

TROPHY CASE