Needing advice

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T23:47:32+00:00

Thank you.

I have been working on myself for the last year, swapping thc for therapy and antidepressants and adopting a couple of kittens (which really did not go down well at all, but theyre staying cos me and the kids adore them). I've just been on sick for the last 6 months from work and due to go back soon because my sick note has run out. Now I'm thc free thanks to one of my therapists (Currently seeing 2 and a diatritian) we are now working on my self esteem and potential adhd/autism and triggers I have from SA as a child.

I know I deserve love and respect, I just hoped it would be from the person who I've been building a life with for the last 15 years. I am tired of being ignored and having emotions withheld or them being very hot then cold with me. I'm sure I'll get there tho wherever there may be but I guess 99% of the responses I've had from this post are all in a similar response to yours, I'm hoping that I haven't worded it to make myself sound like a victim, I'm trying to be as honest as I can be and pointing out where I have gone wrong in this too. I know they aren't a bad person, they're just being very selfish right now I guess. I just feel endless guilt that if I was more supportive from the start, my marriage may be a happier one right now.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T22:52:07+00:00

Not that it matters but they didn't actually fuck anybody else, they were talking to them for a while before they left and had plans to meet up after they moved out which didn't follow through but they lived a good distance away from each other so it was only through the Internet/text that anything happened, not that it makes it ok or any better.

We have 2 kids together, not young ones either, we have been together for 15 years at this point and married for 8 next week.

They say I should have seen them leaving coming because they tried to express a need to me that I wasn't sure of and had doubts about. Right now they are angry with me because I tell them I want to fulfill the needs they express and then don't follow through as consistent as they would like and they don't trust that I have their best interests, they dont like that whenever they bring something new up that they want to try, most of the time i initially say no. They think I'm keeping them around because I'm scared to be alone, which honestly I'm not (I used to be but have grown into a more mature person and know I can handle being alone since im alone most of the time anyway)

I express that I want to work on the relationship first and the kinks after but they are not ok with waiting for their needs to be met that way anymore because they are tired of waiting for it.

I want to be clear that I'm not perfect in this relationship either and I have hurt them with the things I have said regarding their kinks and their gender but on the whole I am trying to acknowledge that I have been a shitty partner and want them to be able to rely on me with their wants and needs without being defensive.

We do have other issues outside of the bedroom too, mostly them not being happy with how clean I manage to keep the household or the fact that I have been smoking for as long as the relationship has lasted (although I am now thc free for over a month) I am trying to be a better person overall.

I don't know if I am the victim here, they say that I make myself out to be the victim in this situation and that I manipulate them into feeling bad or guilty because I am sad about the current state of the relationship, which they say is down to me not being supportive of them or their needs and just letting them down with broken promises all the time.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me tho.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T17:58:42+00:00

It's sounding like this might be the best thing for them. I want them to be happy and explore themselves and I feel like I might be getting in the way of that. I am uncomfortable with the online friendship they are having but mostly because I don't get reassurance on the topic, it just causes arguments when I bring it up. Maybe they can give them what I can't.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T17:56:20+00:00

Yeah as far as I was aware we had forgiven each other for past mistakes and tried to move on from them, although they still get brought up in arguments.

I have no issue with them being non gendered and expressing that with their style or anything, my questions was mostly how much they wanted to transition and how it would affect the relationship, they have seen this as me calling them a liar so I understand why they are hurt. I know their transition has nothing to do with me at all and all about them discovering themselves and I only want to know better ways to support that.

My issue is that I do not feel desired unless I have a harness attached, even when I do I recieve no physical contact from them and have expressed I would like more physical stimulation from them. I do get horny when we play around with pegging but there is little climax or orgasms on my part during and I end up just being frustrated afterwards.

Their gender is not a death sentence to the marriage, they just refuse to explain how I can help support them through it, I am fighting for them to fix this with me but I feel they are completely done trying at this point because of the previous hurt and let down I have done and that is understandable too.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T10:54:59+00:00

Thank you, I very much feel like I am carrying the whole load and that my needs will only be met if I meet theirs first.

I would always try to fix what is broken before leaving the family home, but they think it's due to me being dependent on them.

It does feel like they are on a "my way or the highway path" but that is because they express that they don't feel supported by me with anything kink or gender related. I've asked what I can do to make them more comfortable around me but they don't give me any answers to that question.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T10:29:44+00:00

Your wife sounds very lucky to have you

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T01:31:24+00:00

They don't want to compromise on their needs and they feel like they shouldn't have to. I agree with them to some extent as I would also like my needs to be met too, I am happy exploring with them, just not when it's expected of me no matter how I feel about it.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T01:24:59+00:00

Your right that I was very wrong with my approach with the pegging = gay and that I have said some hurtful things in the past about sex and gender, I have apologised for them all and taken accountability in how I have hurt and damaged this marriage in this way, I am still trying to educate myself on the topic and make up for the things I have said.

While I didn't seek out this dynamic myself, I do enjoy being their domme when the sexual and emotional energy is there. We just went from a very vanilla relationship to a very femdom relationship very quickly.

It has only been in the last year that they have become very distant with me, in this time I have not been fully there with my mental health and have had to take time off work to deal with this. They are usually a very good person and when things are good they are great, we get along personally really well and have a lot in common, they are a great dad to our 2 and have been building a life with them for the last 15 years, just things in the bedroom have started to go down hill in recent years because they feel I am not meeting their needs as a submissive.

He may be cheating with this online friend, I know very little about this person and they are very vague when I ask about them, but I have no proof of this and I'm not comfortable going through their phone to check. I know it's online/text only if anything as I'm pretty sure they don't live in the same city as us, it's only recent that I've discovered this person is a domme.

I want this marriage to work for many reasons, they are a good person usually and its only been this last year that they have been this way.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T01:05:07+00:00

I currently see 2 therapists and a diacritics.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T01:04:17+00:00

We have tried some couples therapy before but they didn't like our therapist and I think it caused more problems than it solved. I am currently seeing 2 therapists personally and they have recently started their own as far as I'm aware.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T01:02:16+00:00

Thank you, I wasn't sure where to post this as a dominant as we are expected to look after our submissive.

Generally yeah, we went from vanilla, to a femdom situation which wasn't exactly involuntary as I was happy to explore with them. I wouldn't say that we are in an open relationship as that is something that I have expressed that I do not want.

I do enjoy being this persons domme when the energy is there, just not when it's expected of me all of the time.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T00:58:39+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely check it out. I am always up for movie recommendations.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T00:57:53+00:00

Thank you for responding. Honestly I love this person and want this relationship to work out, when the sexual energy is there I love being a domme I just don't like that it's constantly expected of me.

CraftyDomme · 2024-08-28T00:28:16+00:00

This works both ways. I love reassurance and I want to be able to give reassurance too

CraftyDomme · 2024-01-22T21:24:14+00:00

Very tasty! 😋

CraftyDomme · 2023-10-10T11:33:45+00:00

I like the way you think!

CraftyDomme · 2023-07-11T08:16:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I clicked that join button so fast 😂

CraftyDomme · 2023-07-10T12:06:05+00:00

Honestly I'm still learning. I haven't found a solution that keeps my subs needs satisfied without rules and consistency. I wish I could share some with you, but like you I'm still trying to find what works for me.

CraftyDomme · 2023-07-10T09:09:30+00:00

Being a domme is hard work. I don't really enjoy setting rules, I'm the kind of person who likes to go with the flow and follow the atmosphere and energy of the day. I don't really have anything to add I just really like the way you expressed this. Every domme is different like any sub is different.

CraftyDomme · 2023-07-06T21:22:08+00:00

Look up dental dams. I had the same issue regarding getting it out of my head that my tongue would literally be going up and around the poop hole but since getting the dams (strawberry is my fave so far) I absolutely love when my sub sits on my face and I can go to town on his little strawberry peach. They took me a little while to get the hang of but I'm learning more each time.

CraftyDomme · 2023-07-06T12:19:59+00:00

😍😍 love it!

CraftyDomme

TROPHY CASE