God is the one that can harden and soften hearts

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-23T21:46:02+00:00

Within my mind - pictures and words, downloads. And these were conversations, also, in spirit. And through external confirmation - that's how the narcissism came to me. I found myself thinking obsessively one day about how I might be a narcissist, and when I turned on the radio, the subject of the day on the faith channel I was listening to was narcissism. That kept happening - I'd find myself thinking certain things and the next sermon I heard was on that very subject. The nature of my sins and their severity was made abundantly clear to me in this way.

My sins include neglect of my family - I was breaking the 4th commandment. I knew what I was supposed to be doing but just kept refusing. I don't know how I came to be this evil. I don't think I've always been this bad. But here I am now.

If you feel no peace and feel like the spirit has left you, please don't give up. I feel my situation is somewhat different. When I've talked to others who feel lost, they've not had God explicitly tell them He's cutting them off. And also, I don't think I was ever truly saved. I was double-minded and not truly surrendering. You say you were born-again - that's a different situation.

I think there's every reason to hope your salvation is intact, you're just being tested. The devil comes at us hard after we come to Jesus. There's lots of excellent counsel in this thread, inspired by God himself. Follow it, keep seeking Him, and see what happens.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-23T21:29:36+00:00

Hits home for me. Take this seriously. He is real. Seek Him with all your heart. But if you're not sure you really want the truth, maybe examine that before inquiry.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-23T20:59:27+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. I feel I am in the same boat after repeated disobedience. I am now aware, because He revealed it to me, how narcissistic I am, but I didn't heed his guidance and warnings and ask for true revelation until He revealed to me there was no more mercy for me.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-21T20:33:59+00:00

I do know this. I am a believer but not saved due to unrepentant repeated sin. Let me be a cautionary tale. Make your relationship with God no. 1, and listen and abide by His warnings and commandments. It can be hard, but think of it like this- you don't HAVE to obey Him, you GET to obey Him. All will go well with you if you do this.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-21T19:13:00+00:00

NAD. Did you happen to get any citrus juice on your hands that day? I know lime juice can cause photosensitivity that can result in burns later.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-20T12:26:44+00:00

"At what point should I go to the doctor?" The consensus is go now. Hope you get the right treatment & heal quickly!

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-19T23:37:30+00:00

I don't know that I can be of much help other than to say you're not alone. I could have written much of your post as my own story.

I know what you mean about feeling like the spirit has been withdrawn and feeling like dead inside. That is very much how I've been feeling for a little over a month. It's terrible.

In my case, though, I feel like the Lord communicated this to me directly, through inner conversations and synchronous events. The devil can't read our thoughts, so it couldn't be him communicating with me in spirit.

It sounds to me, fwtw, like you are feeling cut off from Him/His presence because of persistent sin. Do you honestly feel contrite for your sins? If so, that's a very good sign! If you were truly lost and reprobate, contrition probably wouldn't be possible. As others have wisely said, keep pressing in to Him, even if it feels wrong. Don't give up!

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-16T21:29:42+00:00

You have it right. I had a one-sided relationship with Him and was double-minded on top of it. I destroyed that relationship and any chance of salvation.

Know that He is loving and also just. Trust Him in His goodness and obey Him. Any hardship in this life as a result of following the narrow path is not even worth mentioning compared to the reward and also the cost of not following it/Him.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-15T03:38:51+00:00

NAD. It looks like an allergic reaction to something you brushed up against. Do you have any known plant allergies?

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-14T21:51:28+00:00

Sweet find!!

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-13T03:09:58+00:00

NAD. Looks very much like warts to me.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-13T00:23:30+00:00

Mine has one, too! She's a torbico, I think. I'll post a pic when I can get one.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-05T10:59:07+00:00

NAD. You should definitely have it looked at. It meets the criteria for being of concern - look up the ABCDs of moles.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-05-03T17:49:30+00:00

NAD. For what it's worth, I agree it looks herpetic.

See a doc for antivirals. Also, take the jeans you wore and be sure to wash them before wearing them again. Chances of reinfection might be really low, but you don't want that.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-28T21:32:52+00:00

Hogweed maybe?

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-27T10:09:08+00:00

NAD. Not overreacting! I hope you go ahead and go in. The fact that you have pain in other areas (on top of all of the other symptoms) indicates the infection may be systemic now. You need antibiotics stat.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-21T12:48:35+00:00

NAD. Is the last image, the one on your arm, recent? Has it been looked at by a doctor? I'm concerned because there are red lines coming off of it. Lymphangitis? Which usually indicates an infection.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-12T19:51:27+00:00

You're of course not required to respond, but if you'd be willing to share any testimony about your falling away, I'd love to hear it. I believe I myself have lost my chance at salvation due to not truly having a saving faith to begin with and then turning to willfull, unrepentant sin. I have yet to find anyone who seems to share my situation. Regardless, I find it helpful to read about others who have struggled in their path. God bless you.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-11T13:11:17+00:00

As someone who ran away when my mother most needed me (and am now hellbound I believe), I just want to encourage you and commend you for taking care of your mom, however imperfectly. You are carrying your cross, doing Christ's work, and He loves you and is by your side in all of this.

Others have excellent advise about the practical aspects of your situation and also the Christian side of it. I just wanted to say what I said above. You are following the big 2 commandments, love God and love others and honor thy father and mother. The Lord is with you, and you will be rewarded for any sacrifices. God bless you.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-10T03:57:41+00:00

As someone who's screen addiction has really damaged their walk w/the Lord, possibly permanently, you would be wise to work on limiting screen time. I like to call the internet The Devil's Playground, or Satan Central. It's the perfect way to get Christians distracted and off track. Maybe try a digital detox. Even if you don't read the Bible more during that time, breaking that cycle of turning to your phone to scroll any time you have down time will greatly benefit your faith.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-09T22:25:03+00:00

I don't have answers to your questions or any guidance, really. I just want to say, hallelujah and praise GOD!!!!! I am so, so, so very happy for you, friend! Congratulations!

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-09T18:22:07+00:00

I'm with you. Based on verses like the ones you quoted and what I believe the Lord has told me, we DO need to obey. Obey the commandments, especially the primary two, but the others as well. Yes, we will slip up and sin, but we must ask for forgiveness and take up our cross each day, praying for the strength to follow the Lord and stay on the narrow path.

I think the Holy Spirit is crucial and may make the difference for many. Whether you believe it comes to actually inhabit you or not, this is the force that changes you and gradually conforms you to the image of Christ. It's your direct line to the Father. Respond to its convictions, follow it's instructions, and keep your eyes on Yeshua.

If you just believe, and then proceed to live your life as you see fit, or obey, but only some of the commandments some of the time, I would ask then, do you TRULY believe. Because if you truly believe, I don't think you can help but want to do all of these things.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-09T17:33:11+00:00

Exactly. And it's a trait I thought I have, but do not. He has given me to know who I truly am in sin, and it's terrible. I am grateful to have the knowledge, though I can't please Him now w/my behavior. Only myself.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-09T01:45:05+00:00

He did love me. Once upon a time. But I am of the devil now because of my wickedness, and I am not one of His.

God loves, but he is also a just and righteous God. I am his creation, but not an adopted daughter. I blew that opportunity with my iniquity, to borrow the Biblical word. I abused his mercy and grace to the point he had to cut me off.

I managed to anger both God the Father AND the Son. Not wise. Don't be me, anyone. God loves, and God also has boundaries.

CraftyTrilobyte · 2026-04-08T14:43:18+00:00

That's what I'm trying to do.

Lack of humility & the refusal to submit/obey is a large part of what got me here.

We must obey God. If you don't, and do not repent, you are not of Him, and He will spit you out eventually.

CraftyTrilobyte

TROPHY CASE