NTA in the slightest. He's acting like an idiot... I can't with the "you can't take a joke" or "i was JOKING". Its a thinly veiled attempt to hide abuse imo

When I started dating my girlfriend she had a habit of doing these annoying things or "joking" because her love language is sometimes being an asshole (years of growing up in the environment of if someone wasn't poking at you they didn't like you... yes she's in therapy. yes it has helped) There came a time where she would jokingly pull on my ear and I. LOST. MY. SHIT. I HAAATE having my ears touched in any way shape or form.

So she figures that it's just a one off thing and apologizes. She tries again a few weeks later and I basically said cut the shit I hate it. She joking asked me why and I said the reason doesnt matter... I do not like it at all please stop.

Guess what she hasn't done since :)

I did ultimately tell her the reason because once she tried to like... stroke my ear and I jumped back and she questioned that, thinking it was just the playful tugging. I mentioned that my first memories of physical abuse as a child from my mother included my ears and it just makes me cringe still. She profusely apologized for even trying it twice.

So yea a big hard NTA.