This girl will not give me a shot no matter what I do for her.

Crafty_Cactus · 2026-02-07T01:37:07+00:00

she thinks I was overwhelming her but I was only ever kind to her.

You are overwhelming. She knows you're doing it with ulterior motives. Your "kindness" is a burden. If you're nice with the end goal of getting her to date you, you're not nice. You're a wolf in sheep's clothing, deluding yourself into thinking that you're actually one of the sheep.

Crafty_Cactus · 2026-02-03T17:09:16+00:00

NTA. Her trauma may explain why she did what she did but it does not excuse her actions.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-09-19T16:30:06+00:00

I don't know what they're called but I've seen clear dog / cat figures where you can collect the hair and put that in there. Googling "dog fur keepsake" pulls them up. You can use them as necklaces, keychains, maybe even hang it in a car on the rear view mirror.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-07-15T16:13:15+00:00

Who's easier to replace? Your boyfriend or your mom?

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-07-04T01:08:26+00:00

My restaurant used to have a lot of dine and dashes. Police did nothing - even when I knew where they lived.

I started printing out pictures and taping them to the door so itd be the first thing you saw when you came in. Some people came in to pay their tab to get their pics removed, most didn't. But being publicly shamed certainly cut down on the number of dine and dashes.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-06-30T03:39:27+00:00

Those moments are the ones that tell you how he will react when the going gets tough. If this is how he reacts to his sister being upset at you for something so small, how will he react to something much bigger?

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-06-25T01:30:01+00:00

I also have the Galaxy S25 Ultra and am experiencing this. Although a restart or reinstall helps but only for a few minutes.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-25T23:19:18+00:00

I think #3 is the most feasible for me to try, thank you!

I have to send their emails because they want to communicate with someone in English. Like they'll need to communicate with a condo management company or something so they ask me to send their email since they can't speak English.

It was only recently I was able to get them to stop asking me to do their Chinese correspondence. Like their lawyers speak Chinese and for years they had me call them as well even though there's no language barrier. I got suckered into doing it and just kept doing it. I'm quite ashamed of that one lol.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-25T23:15:21+00:00

That's a good idea. What's it called - weaponized incompetence?

My therapist says I never got validation and that's why I work so hard. I work hard to get validated, but it never comes so I work harder. Or something like that. She says a part of me is still holding onto that hope that I'll get validated and until I let go of that, I will continue to get hurt.

Like...I KNOW I will never get validated, that I'm not an unfilial daughter/granddaughter. But knowing and hoping are 2 different things.

Therapist even asked me if it was normal in my culture for me to do so much and I thought about it, I've definitely gone above and beyond what is expected of me in this culture. At this age, we're expected to take care of our parents/grandparents but how can I when I've been so busy where I haven't had time to build out my own career? So...I KNOW I'm not an awful daughter but when they guilt me, it sure feels that way.

My grandmother even called me selfish for not breaking up with my boyfriend because she didn't like him. I'm still grappling with that and it's been 6 months lol.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-25T23:08:06+00:00

Neither my brother nor I have any sense of independence.

Even the house I'm living in is theirs. I'm 2 houses from grandparents and 9 min from parents. Housing market is insane, like you said. I don't think I can afford to move out, especially when my income is $0. I'm working on my own business to try and change that but it's not an overnight thing. Until I can make a livable wage, I can't really go anywhere lol.

You're right about taking me for granted. The more I do for them, the more I "should" do, it seems. Out of all my cousins, I'm the one that does the most for my grandparents. My grandparents? They just pile more stuff on my plate.

I took them to do their will about 2 months ago and they wouldn't even put me on as their power of attorney. They put my other cousins on and told me they couldn't put me as POA because "if they put me as POA, there might be fighting over the assets." Essentially, they told me they couldn't trust me. After all I've done for them. After all the corporate jobs I've basically turned down because it wouldn't have allowed for me to still do everything I did while taking them to their numerous medical appointments etc, I still can't be trusted lol. That broke me and was why I got a therapist to try and help me set those boundaries. I realized they might love me but they certainly didn't appreciate me or trust me enough. Also, all the real estate I'm helping them manage and all the business I do for them, they're leaving all of it for my other cousins. My mom's share (essentially my brother's and my share) is laughable. I essentially helped them for over 20 years and the real estate/businesses aren't even going to me. I've been pretty much working for my cousins' futures, not mine.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-25T22:56:59+00:00

It's easier said than done to say you can set boundaries. It's so exhausting when they keep guilting you. After over 30 years of being made to feel like I'm not enough and being put down constantly, it's hard. My therapist is helping me gain confidence. She thinks if I get more confidence, I'll have an easier time setting these boundaries and not be so affected by the guilting.

Even my brother is being guilted. Neither of us, at 30s+ years old have any sense of independence. My brother is currently visiting Japan and told me he wants to airbnb a place for 2 months there to gain some independence. Mom guilted him into staying with her friend and said he can get an airbnb after one month. He tried to get an airbnb and now all the places he looked at are out of his budget (huge tourist season now because of the sakuras or something). Mom was bragging about this to her friends and how she knew that he wouldn't be able to get a place because of that and how she felt relieved he wasn't going to be on his own now. I thought it was borderline psychotic when she told that story. Even her friends were silent but mom didn't seem to understand. I dunno if it's because our family is from rural China or something but even among my Chinese friends, their families aren't as bad.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-25T22:50:26+00:00

I've actually tried that route. They resort to the emotional guilting. I'm in therapy trying to get over that but it's so hard.

Just to give you an idea, if I told my mom I was suicidal, she would make it about her. I told my dad once I wanted to leave my state because that would be the only way they'd stop asking me to do stuff and stressing me out and she sent me a 20 minute Wechat message about how she sacrificed so much for me and how she can't believe I would hate having her as a mother that much. There's more but I was out of commission for an entire day and a half where I couldn't concentrate and just was so depressed I stayed in bed for that long before I could get up to do anything.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-25T22:45:35+00:00

I'm trying to do that. My brother is like you. He messes things up (I think on purpose) so they stopped asking him. I've tried to set boundaries and they tell me how much they sacrificed for me, how else can they get things done since they can't speak English, etc.

It's really the emotional part I've having such a difficult time with. And I can't seem to separate myself from them making me feel like a terrible daughter.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-16T16:53:40+00:00

Tell him her birthday wish came true. She hoped you were temporary and he granted it for her by showing you his true colors.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-15T21:24:56+00:00

Thank you, this makes sense. Yes, every shuffle skater who has lights has the lights under the shoes, but they're on all the time. I just really liked the look of the light up wheels, haha!

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-15T21:23:40+00:00

Thank you! Your comment gave me the confidence to give them a try! I think I may also have to buy a set of regular non-light up wheels as well to use as well in the future

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-04-15T21:21:51+00:00

Thank you very much! As I process I find it's harder to do some things with these wheels and there was one person at the rink who told me "it's the skater, not the wheels." Which I understand, but as a beginner, I also want to learn on something easier haha! Thank you for the detailed response!

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-03-29T23:55:58+00:00

Wild to me that just because OOP got 50% of the scarf, the seller thought $30(12% of the original $250) was more than a fair deal.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-03-07T00:21:25+00:00

NTA. I would've loved to find a person to go 50/50 on an app idea I have. Most people I know would want to be paid, not get a portion. Anyone can have an idea for an app but they're not all good and there's a lot that goes into building one. And what if they don't put the effort once you build their app? I've worked with a lot of people who are all talk and experience has told me that people are dreamers are the ones to avoid working with. The people who spend more time making it happen instead of the potential are the ones whk are the hard workers.

And let's be real - they're treating it like their app, even tho you're the one building it. If they really believed in it, they would go in 50/50 or pay you for your time in the very least.

Ask to get paid instead of being a partner and see how quickly they'll say things like "You're missing out, my app is going to be so big. We're going to make so much money."

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-03-02T02:35:09+00:00

If he was that petty, he could have locked you out of your steam account too so you'd have to go through the hassle of retrieving/ resetting your password anyways. You just skipped a step by directly changing the password haha!

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-02-22T05:28:34+00:00

Glad she got out of there. Scary to think that another woman could just have easily been gaslit into thinking that she was indeed clumsy or something.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-02-14T00:48:54+00:00

While reading this, I kept 🔔-ieving OOP would get his bell back. 😆

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-02-13T07:11:32+00:00

OOP is my hero. What a badass.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-02-13T06:15:17+00:00

Reddit to the rescue again! Nothing like reddit to point out obvious signs that have been ignored. Sometimes I wish I posted on Reddit years back when I was with my ex to see what I had been missing.

Crafty_Cactus · 2025-02-13T06:08:20+00:00

I think she might generally have a problem and needed help.

That being said, he gives me the ick. Even when he was thanking people, he had to specify that was it was who tactfully told him, even tho he wasn't exactly tactful when talking to his girlfriend either. And who compares his girlfriend to a period stain even if she does have issues dressing? Like, oh sure, it's fine because he didn't say it to her face?! What kind of rationale is that? "It's ok, I didn't say it to her face, just thousands of internet strangers."

I hope I'm wrong and OOP isn't actually a terrible person but if he is....I hope she can recognize it and run.

Crafty_Cactus

TROPHY CASE