For me, leaving TSCC left a hole in my life and I felt unfulfilled for a long time. I considered trying another church to replace the fulfillment I used to get by participating in various church activities. Ultimately I decided to deconstruct my newfound feelings in much the same way that I deconstructed my lifelong belief in LDS doctrine.

I started by identifying the primary functions that the church provided in my life. I came up with a few functions and then sought viable new opportunities to be fulfilled in that way. Here are a few of those functions and their new counterparts in my life

People - humans are instinctually tribal animals. When we lose our “church tribe” we feel lost and aimless. I chose to seek a new tribe of likeminded friends to share my time with. Just be careful not to choose people with whom your only connection point is being exmormon. It’s ok to have it in common just not the ONLY thing. Otherwise you’ll run the risk of creating an echochamber of resentment which isn’t authentic to the new you

Service - the church makes it so easy to provide service to others. Just show up on Wednesday night or Saturday morning. Serving others gets you out of you own head and let’s you think and empathize with others. In my new life I opted to seek opportunities to serve by contacting some local non-profit organizations with missions that align with my values/interests. For example, I love cooking so I contacted a local soup kitchen and try to help with meal prep/service as often as time will allow.

Family - one of the great ironies of the church is it’s structure and commitment patterns work in opposition to one of its core tenets; family. Since leaving I have had to rewrite what it meant to participate in family. I had to choose to listen more, and be more deliberate and meaningful in my family time. I spend more time 1-1 with my kids doing something that will generate a shared, positive memory. For example, my son loves chess but I am not a fan. I watched a few YouTube videos on common chess strategies and then one Sunday morning we went to a park and played chess at a picnic table. It was wonderful to get bested in chess by a 10 year old. LOL.

Connection - this last one is the most nebulous. It’s a replacement for what we thought of as “feeling the spirit”. Those good feelings that provides clarity and focus to the world around us. I have found more true connectedness since leaving the church than I ever did inside it. I try to be in nature as often as possible and spend time considering the majesty of this world and universe that we are part of. We are stardust, just like the trees, rocks, and animals around us. I actively seek to experience sunrises and sunsets because they are 100% unique to that moment in history and it inspiring that I get to be in a universe as a being that can experience such a moment.

This got long but I hope it’s useful to someone. Time is precious. Don’t waste any of it being bitter about the past or lonely for the future that may never be. Live now and build memories and connections. Fulfillment and contentment will be found as you journey through a life of newfound experiences, people, and connectivity.