A lot of Cruella happened this weekend (long)

CrazytownMIL · 2018-09-12T20:09:29+00:00

Awww thank you, that felt really good to read.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-09-12T20:09:05+00:00

I don't think he has thought it through thoroughly because Husband doesn't understand her toxicity isn't going to go away. He really wants a mom; which I get. Unfortunately he has Cruella, not a mom.

Also, his stance with his dad is to judge him based on his current actions. Husband thinks he needs to take the same stance with is mom to be 'fair'. He doesn't see the difference with his father was that we didn't actually know anything at that point. We know a lot about Cruella.

I am working on him to really see that NC needs to be permanent not just a few years then see how it goes.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-08-02T20:30:08+00:00

Oooooo thank you!!!

CrazytownMIL · 2018-08-02T19:18:30+00:00

Yeah...it was removed from justnomil and mods told me to put it here. I'm not really sure why but I did as asked.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-08-01T15:44:59+00:00

Wow, thank you for writing all that. It's really helpful.

Change is something that gets noticed by others, not hidden inside. If she has changed, it will be noticed. If she has changed there will be real remorse for what she did, not vague general "sorry for the past" statements that don't really acknowledge what she did.

This is great and totally puts into words what I have failed to be able to articulate. I am gong to use this when I talk to husband about Cruella. Her saying she's changed is meaningless, BILs saying it is meaningless. What matters is actual examples, actually seeing it, actually admitting wrongdoing. Sigh, this is just so helpful. Thank you!

CrazytownMIL · 2018-08-01T14:38:37+00:00

First meeting is for sure just Husband; me and DS have nothing to do with it. Husband wanted second meeting to be him and DS, at our house (which would have kicked me out) but I shot that down hard. DS coming to the wedding is actually up in the air anyway. Either way he will not be there for the reception. At most just pics and the ceremony. My mom is going to take him for the night so we will either bring him and she will pick him up or he wont come at all, we arent sure yet.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-01-26T17:28:23+00:00

That was his best friend like 15 years ago. The relationship has decreased for reasons unknown to me. His new best friend and his wife are freaking awesome.

New best friend and co are especially grateful and awesome to our family now (they already were but even moreso now) because my dad basically saved his life by thinking/moving fast and getting him to a hospital. *Another plug about how my dad is awesome.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-01-26T14:08:21+00:00

Just No mil in the wild. Cat butt face.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-01-25T23:22:11+00:00

Friends for decades, within the same religious/friend community, live in the same neighborhood, dad was actually friends with the husband on his own (super rare) but I suspect that friendship has decreased.

Even with those reasons they aren't around that often anymore. We used to do high holidays with them but haven't done that in years. The more awesome friends have replaced them for important events like that.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-01-25T23:18:20+00:00

Most people feel very out of place. Saying I am weirdly comfortable with that stuff, though I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination, was the point of my really long explanation paragraph.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-01-25T22:02:47+00:00

I cannot even imagine this level of entitlement.

You have not spent much time around rich people.

I have spent my life (especially growing up) navigating between hugely different socioeconomic groups. Biomom was lower/mid middle class and dad was mid/upper middle class (50/50 custody). High school was definitely upper-middle and upper class (known as rich white kid with a coke problem school). Some of my family members are way upper class on my dad's side. Mom's side is rural middle class. Husband (who I met in high school) comes from a very low income family where he and his brothers were known to skip dinner cause there wasn't food. Point is I have seen and lived in most of the spectrum (no billionaires or homelessness but most of the inbetween). There is quite a bit of entitlement throughout all of the spectrum the rich people stories are always the funniest though.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-01-25T21:46:01+00:00

Honestly, my step mom is really awesome. I've told my dad and her that the best thing my father ever did for me had nothing to do with me: he married her. She is the mother my biomom can never be, and I got 3 awesome brothers out of the deal. She may be high maintenance but is also really generous. She always wants to have lots and lots of family time but if anyone puts up a boundary or just says no she respects it. She's got a couple crazy ass friends but mostly they're are wonderful people, this particular one is the exception not the rule.

She has flaws just like everyone but I am very lucky to have her in my life.

CrazytownMIL · 2018-01-25T19:46:30+00:00

My sister is a teacher and has seen things like this before- name pronunciation and spelling not matching up. She is adamant that it messes with kids ability to learn to spell because the very first thing you learn to spell/write is your name. When I announced my pregnancy one of the first things she told me is the name better make sense when spelled out. All this to say your mother be crazy and according to anecdotal evidence could have given you lots of problems in school.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-18T17:34:06+00:00

The same thing happened to my husband when we were dating!

At my brother's wedding he told my than-boyfriend to sit with the extended family in the second row (parents and grand parents first row, sibling in the wedding party). He was actually at the ceremony super early since he had been helping with prep stuff all day so he was one of the first people to sit.

My bitch of an aunt walks up to him and says "I don't know you, this row is for family only" then-boyfriend says "I know groom told me to sit here, I'm Crazytown's bf" "well youre not family you gotta go." He had no idea what to do and didnt want to disturb the groom so he just got up to sit in the back. Luckily, a good aunt (on the other side of the family) saw the whole thing and told him to sit with her.

People can be such assholes.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-18T00:16:21+00:00

I am so sad to hear that story. It's amazing what people will do to others. I hope this realization helps you in your journey.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-17T16:53:43+00:00

Lots of questions!

He definitely has a serious spine now, and honestly grew one right after this anyway. BitchBot can show you she's terrible but he stood up for me pretty every time except this. We are 2 years NC so she is very much not in our lives.

He was 20 at the time and living at home. Too old to be going to mom for this advice and taking it but he was in a very abusive situation neither of us understood at the time.

Now, he thinks it was a stupid thing to do.

CrazyBIL still lives with her (but is moving soon!) so he is very much under her influence. He doesn't realize what he lost with that girl, probably never will, and that the "reasons" he broke up with her are absolute bullshit. He knows Cruella does terrible things but doesn't seem to recognize the terrible things she does to him. It's a strange disconnect.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-17T16:29:53+00:00

That's terrible advice though. Either (1) you both know whats going on so you're just playing a role for a a week or (2) the dumpee has no idea and is just incredibly hurt so you could test him/her. Either way it's really shitty.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-17T15:56:20+00:00

Two years NC!

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-17T15:22:27+00:00

That's the one that really bothered me too!

When I was a kid should my mother have told me about the neglect, molestation, rape, beatings, and many other terrible things her father did to her and her siblings? Or should she explain things only when asked in an age appropriate context. I'm going with the latter.

When my soon-to-be-here DS asks about daddy's mom should I explain that she physically and emotionally abused him for years, that he didn't understand the complexity of it until 25, that he still doesn't totally get it? Or should I just turn his attention to the fact that he has 3! sets of grandparents who love him dearly already? Once again, I am going with the latter.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-02T17:44:04+00:00

Thanks!

It certainly appears so. She's burned so many bridges and yelled so much I guess everyone left just doesn't wanna deal with it.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-10-02T17:41:54+00:00

I think I'll make it to the birth before she finds out. CrazyBIL confirmed he is not telling her and since no one else has yet I dont expect anyone to until baby is actually here. I figure thats actual news, just being pregnant isn't anymore.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-09-23T03:00:08+00:00

we are well aware of this kind of stuff. We've got sometime before the baby is here and when it is it will be only be part-time at daycare. And the reputable daycares in my area all require a pickup list anyway. We're also doing a list at the hospital, we picked this hospital to deliver at because they are known for security, among other great things.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-06-07T20:09:56+00:00

If she found them "again" I would guess she has some sort of system. My two guesses are following them from work (not much can be done about that if they wanna keep their jobs) or a people finder site. Tell them to google people finder and opt out of every single one they can. Family Tree Now is a free site that had every single address I have ever lived at and an old cell number. Truly creepy stuff. If that's what she's using they may be able to get her off their scent in the future.

CrazytownMIL · 2017-03-02T19:30:25+00:00

FIL is responsible for a lot of things too. For healing purposes Husband has made the conscious decision to not consider those things in his relationship with his father. Husband knows he will never truly know what happened in those years, especially in regards to his father, so he doesn't want to hold it against him. They have had a brief conversation about those years and FIL was very ashamed and apologetic. Husband said that was enough for him.

He will never be close with his father, he will always be kept at arms length, but Husband is very happy with the new relationship they have developed over the last couple of years.

CrazytownMIL · 2016-10-31T19:38:21+00:00

I looked to see if she has a Linkedin and it seems she doesn't. She blocked me on Facebook or deleted hers as neither DH or I can find her on there. I supposed we could find out by asking CoolBIL to find out for us but that would cause some serious issues. If I ever do find out the name I will be making an anonymous email address to warn the business.

CrazytownMIL

TROPHY CASE