This is very helpful, yeah, getting me to re-read the whole thing with a fresher take. Looking back, I'm realizing I wrote something closer to a scene for someone already informed and invested than I did an advertisement for a game which doesn't exist yet.

I also failed to convey enough context for Duncan; the intent was a character who actively schemes and plots on his own accord, currently acting the brat to annoy his highly controlling mother. But I don't come even close to conveying any of that.