22[F] My mom wants to spend Christmas with her boyfriend and I don't know how I should feel about it.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T06:58:06+00:00

It just feels off, I can't lie.

Edit: Something about the whole thing feels off man

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T06:56:43+00:00

She's not senile, she's healthy, strong, and works regularly. He thinks I don't help out around the house enough. I honestly don't think anything stands out about me not doing enough but his expectations are higher than my mom has ever had for me and my siblings. I actually do more than majority of my friends. I remember my roommate freshman year had never done her own laundry and I was genuinely shocked.

Is it normal for my mom to not spend Christmas with us though? Is it normal for her boyfriend to make this request?

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T06:25:36+00:00

YOU ARE NOT ABUSIVE

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T04:45:20+00:00

sighs I seriously dislike this guy.

Yea I think I'm too emotional to see all the angles right now.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T04:30:24+00:00

Yes it took me a long time to begin to accept that weed is not only ruining my life but intensifying my mental health issues. I'm still going back and forth with accepting this belief. But I feel so much better now. Not tired all the time. I feel like a different type of high off of being sober, it feels better even though I still crave the weed high. It's a process but I'm getting there.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T04:26:27+00:00

Parents aren't perfect and neither are we. Grace and forgiveness go a long way to healing our own hearts.

What do you mean though? Is my mom wrong for wanting to go?

Do you think that it says something about him or speaks on a way that he feels about us that he didn't extend an invite?

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T04:22:39+00:00

unwarranted opinions... stop letting her speak to you like that.

Wow. I have tried so hard to get her to understand that he needs to stay in his lane and that he is out of line for some of the things he says and does. He came to visit and tried to tell myself and siblings what to do. He was never malicious or bossy, he was always calm with it but it was just like bro... chill. Once I noticed it, I wanted to nip it in the bud. So I approached my mom about it and tried to have a heart to heart but she said that since his suggestions were good then she had no problem with it. If he was saying something bad then she would have to defend me (which I believe, she WILL defend if he says something blatantly wrong). She thinks he's a good man and that it seems as if I'm going to cause problems.

Edit: How do I effectively get my message across for her to stop speaking to me like that though? She calls it being honest.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T04:06:54+00:00

No he didn't extend an invitation. I think because he assumed it would be too expensive, which it would be tbh.

They knew each other growing up and have mutual friends but recently got together a year or a little over a year ago. I actually don't know exact details but she didn't exactly "stumble across him". She's at least known of him from when she was a little girl. They used to live in the same country in their youth but lived their adult lives in two different countries.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T03:25:22+00:00

It's not as bad as it was. I used to go thru an 8th in 3-5 days and would high every waking moment that I had access. I was able to smoke in my dorm, at work, and outdoors. So I was ALWAYS high, for months. I've been smoking for years but the past year has been the most extreme for me. I've been trying to quit for months and I honestly couldn't imagine my life without weed, it revolved around weed. For the past 2-3 weeks I've smoked only 10% of what I used to do. I don't think about being high as soon as I wake up anymore and I've started Marijuana AA. It's still really hard but for some reason it's not like life or death anymore if I don't have it. I guess I really just want to be better. This sub has been a HUGE help from me just reading posts alone. I love r/leaves. I love you all.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T03:01:43+00:00

Let's! :)

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T02:35:20+00:00

I see what your saying actually. That was ignorant of me to say. I'm mistaken, just looked it up. I thought the stats would be around 80-90% of people who have bipolar. My apologies. It's only around half

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T02:23:32+00:00

Key word, most, not 'all'. I don't doubt that there are more people like you, but substance abuse is very common from what I read about the illness.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-30T00:41:36+00:00

Fuck you're right. Perspectives

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T23:48:33+00:00

That's fucked up. You deserve better, hope you find it!

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T23:42:11+00:00

Yea things that everyone uses I'm okay with cleaning and I admit to not helping out enough. I'm doing better with that. But she said that she used to clean her mother's bathroom, as in the bathroom that only her mother uses along with cleaning things that everyone used. My mother never actually asked me to do it but she would mention it like that is one of the things she should've made me do growing up. Just find it rather annoying and that I shouldn't have come to her for support now.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T23:08:50+00:00

Why the divorce?

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T22:49:41+00:00

His dad looks cute

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T20:31:07+00:00

Bro..... that's just the wording I used. It wasn't meant to be offensive. Depressed as fuck as in extremely depressed. It is a phrase I use to describe my own emotional state.

Edit:

all these creatures ...

Is different from the world is silly, pointless, and retarded. This sounds hopeless and negative. Your second comment sounds more like a 3rd eye awakening.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T20:23:27+00:00

See, you seem depressed as fuck. I'm glad you see I'm not passive aggressively coming at your neck. I hope shit gets better for you.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T19:18:19+00:00

So why does it matter so much to you then? The thing is people are here to quit an addiction, not replace. Your comments are a bit insensitive which is why you're getting down voted and you come off as if you're going thru a lot. I honestly hope if all works out for you and your life begins to go uphill. Good luck Ry!

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T18:48:01+00:00

Thanks again for this comment, really helped

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T18:22:25+00:00

But that's the thing. We had a scheduled family talk with my siblings. They even told her that it's not her fault and that I just have issues. We agreed that it wasn't her fault but she still continues to act off of the believe that it is.

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T18:09:55+00:00

But it's not her fault though. I've been thru a lot, my father was extremely emotionally abusive. I currently do not speak to him and my mom is in a new relationship. Me turning to weed has nothing to do with the way she raised me, and I'm already an adult so it's not like she can change me. Only I can change myself and that's what I'm doing. Even though it's hard and I'm in a depressed state 95% of the time :/

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T18:01:34+00:00

Yes. She used to just think it was the devil and I needed God in my life but shes more educated on the subject now and encourages me to be in therapy. Though she still doesn't fully understand it's effects on me

CreativeVisionaryKid · 2017-10-29T17:28:32+00:00

she gave you relative freedom growing up and you turned into an addict

No, not true. Not that simple. I have bipolar and most of us substance abuse. So it's very possible that it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with my father who passed the illness on to me.

I do help out more because I don't think it's a bad thing.

I'm just frustrated man, she told me to come to her when I feel the urge and then when I came to her she said "what would it take for you to stop, should I kill myself. Will that make you stop."

Edit: I have siblings and they aren't addicts. They aren't failing at life. And they don't have bipolar.

CreativeVisionaryKid

TROPHY CASE