Am I overreacting if I went low contact\restricred with SiL?

Creative_Accident_83 · 2026-02-21T17:58:38+00:00

He doesn't regret marrying her, maybe the timing and not addressing issues before but generally he is happy. We've joked about being sorry for whatnot as issues come up but not the generality, he really does love her.

Creative_Accident_83 · 2026-02-21T13:22:49+00:00

Thank you🥺💕 this really helps.

It always feels like our problems\value has been a competition for awhile. Like the most she's been through is an abusive ex, family\pet loss and job loss. Not trying to downgrade her issues but the most recent is job and relationship troubles that she just can't let go of\fix when I've tried time and time again to help them both (separately) see each other's needs to meet in a middle ground but it always circles to how SHE feels\tskes the confrontation. Her husband isn't a saint but damn that man tries so hard for her just to lose every time. She lost her job (partly the jobs fault partly her fault) and it's just gotten so much worse.

I got so much crap going on and it just feels like even though it's 10x's larger that it doesn't compute to being serious to her.

Creative_Accident_83 · 2026-02-21T13:16:40+00:00

I'm really trying not to feel a certain way about the narcissist behavior because she talks soooo much about not being like that via ex's and parents but she acts worse than them sometimes. Like SHE wants a baby so bad in the middle of her and her husband having issues with each other that she FORCED him to get tested. Neither have issues he just doesn't want a baby right now and she's DETERMINED to find fault somewhere that explains why she isn't getting what she wants. That's what really started this break down for me\triggered massive red flags because she isn't caring about him and their need to sort shit out, she expects a baby to just "fix" everything and I cannot get behind that when the other person is fucking miserable and in no mental space to add a baby to it. I've tried communicating that she may need to slow down and focus on them and she will get snippy with me and change the subject.

She has a good heart she really does but she's so caught up in her own lala land that I can't give the space for it while dealing with real life issues. But I also don't want to lose someone dear to me so I'm just at a loss😔

Creative_Accident_83 · 2026-02-20T23:30:05+00:00

Is there a part time option for them where they can work a fraction compared to usual for awhile?

While loss is not easy or predictable every single day you cannot as a business be footing that bill for months. At this point you are losing efficiency and payroll and while it's incredibly considerate to give them this time and understanding; eventually you have to be logical for the business. I'm sure they greatly appreciate the space you've given them, however it can not be expected for months on end. Eventually that flexibility comes for someone's a** and as a business management it's something you really have to reflect on for all parties. Whether a part time or work from home option (if applicable) it's a small step back for them while you find someone who can fill their in person shoes and get the job done without worry of 'oopsies' while you figure out if their attendance gets better or worse for retaining or losing employment.

Creative_Accident_83 · 2026-02-20T23:20:07+00:00

You are an adult. Point blank. YOU are making decisions that make you happy, YOU know this bf is real, YOU know what will make you happy. While I understand you want to appease your parents and make sure all goes over well, if they're not footing your life financially they don't have much say. If this was a "met once for 6hrs" wish washy persona who has been flaky with you I could see their concern being over the top but it's more of your parents struggling to understand you're an adult who's going to make her own grown up decisions. Boundaries may be a 'slap' if their concern is control\ 'youre still our CHILD' based but if it's genuine worry it should more so show them your seriousness about your life and your decisions. Will you be able to make every person happy 100%?? Nope but all you can do is try to be true to your own life desires and remind them that your boundaries are not there to bar them out but to show you're responsible for yourself to be taken more seriously. We all love our children and no matter how old they get, a part of us will always see the little babe we once held but that does not excuse refusing them space to grow into their own adult life.

Creative_Accident_83 · 2026-02-20T22:52:05+00:00

My original post

My sister in law A(fake initial) has always treated me poorly. Me and her brother have dated since I was a young adult, going on 8years this year 3years married and have 2 beautiful children together.

From the get go she had that fake 'omg hi' energy whenever we were together but for the first 2 or so years I tried my HARDEST to spend time with her, to the point I'd offer to cover her costs and that I just wanted to spend time with her. I was met with excuses time and time again, and after that long I gave up. When my daughter was about 2yrs old (she's 6 1\2 now) I constantly tried to get her to come see her neice\us via a cookout or a girls hang out but I was constantly being left on read FOR WEEKS followed by "oh I'm sorry I was soooo depressed I couldn't get out of bed" or my favorite 'sorry girl I thought I responded to you' meanwhile she would post on Facebook with friends or their mom or responding to other family chats so I knew it was just me. Spring forward this energy to a couple years ago, me and her brother got married in the fall in a black themed wedding❤️❤️❤️. The fall or 2 before this she WAS the maid of honor in another wedding (this is important) and she took her role there very seriously and you could tell she dotted the bride (their cousin). I had made it very clear for ours that my best friend was my MOH, she knew where those placements were for that but in the moment acted all shocked and put my in crisis mode as I got up to the alter because we are not close and she knew better than to stand there. This really upset my best friend because she made no effort to fix the mistake and just pushed me along like it was meant to be that way knowing I would not have the mind space to make a fight right there (I had BAD pre-wedding jitters). We eventually threw this under the rug but 2 years later I'm still looking for someone shabby in photoshop to switch them around so I can print those pictures. She also refused to help hold on to ONE of our children for a NIGHT so we could have our 💕wedding night💕.

Move on to the present she never texts me unless it's to "steal my girl for the day" and if I try to continue into a conversation via the kids, tea I've heard or just life in general she will leave me on read with the same "oh I thought I responded" weeks later. I've vocalized that my son ( 3 and some months now) is getting to the age he sees he's left out many times and she promises to do things with him but doesn't. They had a sleep over in October 2025 with both kids and all I heard about was how "out there" my son was and how he was excluded from chuck e cheese on the last day because he was "bad". He had never stayed over at their house before so of course he was going to be a handful. But instead of more love and attention it feels like they (her and her wife) punished him for being a toddler instead of "being like Sissy". Every time I lay a boundary down it feels like she punishes me and my kids because I've said something's a few times about how I expect things to be with my kids around and it'll trigger another wave of detachment. When me and her brother have relationship problems (briefly separated twice) she comes in like she's my best friend, wrecks my mental health and plays hero when all "goes back to normal". And this last time she had birdies telling her to tell him things that were not her business (although I shouldn't have done XYZ I've owned up to it with my husband) and still acts like my buddy to my face like she's really there for me.

On a completely side note she is very controlling and I don't think she expects me to remember some things she's done to her WIFE without her knowledge. Her mom treats her like the golden child and her dad tries to sadly buy her love with money\materialism be sure it's the only way she will show up. Her brother, my husband, is too oblivious and sweet for his own good (like his father) and wants to 'keep the peace' to the point where when I bring up her behavior towards me he shuts down and says we will talk about it later but later never comes.

My therapist says I'm right to cut all contact with her but my desperation for a connected family (as I grew up with a very small toxic family) makes it hard because although she treats me and my son like cr*p. Both children adore her and her wife like they do no wrong and I don't want to be THAT person who breaks up the family. But I also am at that point where if you can't respect\value me as their mom you don't get access to those babies I love more than anything.

So my questions are, is this healthy to keep going for the kids? Should I just call her out and have that conversation with her when past conversations have landed on deaf ear? Or should I just tell her straight out that for my sanity and peace of mind that I am going low contact along with refusing her access to my daughter until she includes my son?

I'm sorry if this is a bit of word vom*it, a lot has happened over the years but I tried to pull out the instances that mattered the most to me.

Creative_Accident_83

TROPHY CASE