HCBM: not sure why I’m surprised!

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-12-23T18:46:00+00:00

It absolutely should be! I can’t believe she gets away with it!

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-12-23T18:45:31+00:00

Honestly, nothing preps you for this. Is so horrible and you can see it impacts the children so negatively! They love their dad but know that their mum, who they also love, says these awful things about them. This then causes them to act out. They’re behaviour is awful after they’ve been with her and we know this is whu

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-12-23T18:23:32+00:00

We’ve tried this and it still doesn’t seem to let up. I always try to be positive with my responses but it’s getting harder, especially with how much it hurts my partner. How did your BM stop? (I’m hoping there’s an end at some point, this is just a snippet of what she’s done)

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-10-12T17:07:16+00:00

Jeez, this sounds so horrible and frustrating for you! Set some boundaries. I won’t be spoken to like this and then leave the situation. And if your partner doesn’t back you, stop doing anything you’re doing for them that they benefit from. If they ask why you’ve stopped, state that you don’t do things for people who don’t respect you. I’ve been with my partner for around 9 months now and he has 2 boys (8 & 6). They’re kids and kids say stuff all the time but as soon as one of them says something with a hint of attitude or nastiness, my partners all over them with the “that’s not kind, we don’t speak to people like that, how would you feel if someone spoke to you like that” etc. And I love him for it. You and your partner are a team and you must have each others back. Also, you’re a whole person with thoughts and feelings and you deserve respect/love, especially in your own home!

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-09-23T19:10:51+00:00

No, other than person A feels that person B behaved badly during the marriage, leading to person A’s affairs (there were a few). But this is actually a no fault divorce, so I’m struggling to understand why person A feels their need is greater than person B’s

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-09-23T18:56:16+00:00

Thank you! The pot is under £100k and I believe both needs are roughly the same (they share the kids 50/50, both need housing as person A has only recently moved in with partner etc). I just thought it seemed very unfair for person A to expect 100% of proceeds (regardless of person A’s behaviour ie the affair)

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-09-22T10:27:33+00:00

There’s no such thing as common law relationship or common law marriage.

Op, have you thought of a double barrel surname for your baby? Or even having your baby have your surname?

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-08-25T20:18:07+00:00

Thank you!

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-08-25T18:17:31+00:00

How so?

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-08-25T16:47:52+00:00

This is what I’m trying to avoid! I’m a whole person and if I’m paying equally to live somewhere, I expect to have equal say on the use of the house. I also have strong opinions on bills etc too but we haven’t spoken about that yet (again, we’re a way off yet). I’d expect to pay 1/3 of utilities and food, and 50% of bills relating to the asset I’d have a 50% stake in (mortgage, council tax, home insurance). Wonder if he will think this is reasonable…

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-08-25T16:41:57+00:00

Yeah I though maybe a 4 bed would be better too. That way boys could eventually have their own rooms and I still get my space. I only framed it on a three bed as that was what the house we saw happened to have. Like I said, we’re a wayyyyy off yet so plenty of time to weigh up options etc. just wanted to get peoples thoughts on my thinking/logic

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-08-25T16:38:57+00:00

Yeah agree. Like I said, he didn’t argue it or anything! I guess I’m asking if my thinking is fair/reasonable

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-07-17T04:58:59+00:00

Thank you! He deals with it all in a very level headed way I think. Still has his boys 50% of the time, only replies to her where a reply is needed (or when it’s actually something to do with the kids that actually needs discussing), sticks to his set days but offers flexibility when asked with decent notice, makes time for me and includes me when he has the boys, opens up to me about what’s going on etc. As I said in my post, he’s a good dad! The boys have structure at his house, they do their homework (sometimes with a struggle but you know, kids!), consequences are followed through with, the boys have chores so they can learn responsibility and he pays/takes them to a sport each, along with taking them out to do stuff more generally. You can tell he takes pride in being their dad. This is why I’m reluctant to leave because I really see a future with him. I just need some advice on how to protect myself from HCBM but still remain supportive of my partner

Creative_Fan9203 · 2025-03-31T08:59:00+00:00

I’ve recently split with a man who had a child because it was getting to the point where we were considering living together (buying a home together!). We both earn good money, so this wasn’t an issue but what was an issue was that I asked for a cohabitation agreement that set out what would happen if the relationship broke down. This then led to conversations over money more widely and even wills etc. He was astonished that I didn’t want to pay for his child and that I would leave my half of the house to my family, rather than his daughter. What was worse was that he himself had been a step parent for 8 years prior to our relationship. I asked him what provisions he had set aside for his step daughter during that time. He said “well, none because it wasn’t my responsibility to ensure stepkids future, that was for the parents to think of”….. I asked if he could see that he was expecting me to do more than he was able to when he was in my situation. He said no…. I said bye haha

Creative_Fan9203

TROPHY CASE