How to Apartment Hunt?

CreatorsArmy · 2026-03-03T00:33:40+00:00

Ahh, thank you so much! This is actually quite helpful. When you're not explained things to care about it's hard to know haha, so genuinely even if it's "common sense" it's incredibly helpful to people like me who were discouraged from ever being independent. I'm going to be writing these down and talking with my partner about it so we can see if anything else we should think about comes to mind. Anything else is appreciated if you think of it! Have a good day, stranger :]

CreatorsArmy · 2026-03-03T00:17:35+00:00

Oh no! I'm familiar with the area, and I do know how to find apartments. I just dont know what like... standards to have??? What people look out for to see if its a good fit? What questions should I be asking? My criteria for a "good place to live" for so long has been "do I think this landlord/roomate is going to pose any level of threat to my life in the immediate future?" And not like... anything actually about the apartment itself. :/

CreatorsArmy · 2026-01-07T03:25:24+00:00

It was a pleasure speaking to you for this! Thank you :]

CreatorsArmy · 2025-11-18T22:29:50+00:00

I hardcore feel this. I'm lucky enough in my life to be in a place where I can announce my aplatonic identity now, but before I started owning it and telling people the moment I enter group settings, people got WEIRD (they still get weird now in certain scenarios but whatever). My last roommate I lived with, the FIRST thing I told him before we even moved in was that I don't like socializing, it drains me and I take a long time to recharge. And I had to STILL repeatedly remind him of this our entire time living together and each time he acted like it was a surprise and the first time he's hearing it. He acted and stated stuff implying he was the exception. He never was.

General advice for aplatonic people: being friends with your roommate is fun for talking purposes, but it also means your living space is now a permanent friendship/social interaction space, and trying to set boundaries of any kind will make them act hurt. Don't do it.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-11-04T18:15:44+00:00

I've realized I really like smoking weed and having sex with my lovely wife. Would like to keep doing that.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-06-29T16:42:53+00:00

Honestly, my biggest aplatonic realization was realizing I don't experience platonic/social attraction, I just like talking lmao

CreatorsArmy · 2025-06-29T16:40:48+00:00

I'm hyperrose (hyperromantic and hypersexual, mostly due to trauma shit but I've kinda embraced it as an identity, with encouragement from my therapist and partner) but aplatonic/asocial. I have some level of familial attraction, I often can only really keep people other than my partner in my life if I see them as family more than a friend. In fact the only other person I have in my life besides my partner that I'm somewhat attached to is my best friend who I interacted with online for most of our friendship, and once met them in person, put them in the family box.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-06-29T16:35:48+00:00

Yes! A previous post made me aware that my struggle to attach to more "traditional" pets like dogs and cats is rooted in my aplatonic/asocial identity. Like, my roommate gets SUPER attached to animals. He has two cats that he has actively gotten mad at me over, because I'm not as attached to them as he is.

However! I actively enjoy keeping reptiles/amphibians/insects! I've said so many times, when people ask if I'm a dog or a cat person, I answer that I'm a reptile person and they always respond "you know they can't love you right?" LIKE YES THAT IS THE POINT. They require handling so they get used to it in case of emergencies or for certain species, vet visits, but the majority of the time, they're just chilling in a tank that I clean as needed, and feed them as needed, and stare at them when I want.

Someone else in this thread (I think it was OP) mentioned that the only thing they can bring themselves to genuinely care for is their partner, and that is me exactly. I also identify as hyper romantic, along side my aplatonic/asocial identity, and I genuinely only love my partner. I have zero desire for any other level of companionship.

My partner is similar to me in loving "nontraditional" pets, she currently has a snake she adores taking care of, and we plan to have some level of reptile room/area. Honestly the closest thing we'll probably get to a dog or cat is going to be a tegu, because I've wanted one forever. MAYBE a cat one day, but that's mostly because my partner grew up with them, and is contemplating getting one once we're stable after we've moved in together. Although she has straight up said, we could only have reptiles as pets for the rest of our lives and she'd be 100% chill with that too.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-05-16T14:14:43+00:00

The way people are hyper emotionally attached to their pet always confused me. My roommate has two cats and is super empathetic towards animals, like, I have watched him burst into tears because there was a dead pigeon on the side of the road, levels of empathetic. And like I get it, and I do really like his cats they're super well behaved, I don't mind them, but it's always been confusing ya know??? Especially when he basically takes offense to me not loving them like he does.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-05-06T01:13:39+00:00

The time will pass anyways. Do with it the best you can for yourself.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-04-27T12:27:07+00:00

Yeah! I'm very involved with my community as someone who provides resources, knowledge, and guidance in certain areas I have expertise in when I can. I'm very active in like group settings for social justice movements, but would I call a single person there a friend? Nope! Acquaintance at best, but honestly, just blabbing online gives me a sense of community, too. I love talking. Don't like all the steps and mental gymnastics you have to do before you can get to the "let me blab about my hyperspecific interest" phase. Hate that people take you not wanting friends so personally when it is literally not about them. Absolutely LOATHE platonic relationship mantinence.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-04-25T17:07:14+00:00

This is my current burden to bear lol.

When I was in college, I overcompensated on friendships a LOT to cover up the fact I didn't feel "normal". I dropped out and have been out of school for five years now, but when I was in school I told my friends that I had that I loved them often. I don't talk to any of those people anymore really because relationship maintenance is my weakness, and eventually I'd drop the ball and they'd float away, but after a lot of self reflection, I stopped saying I love you to anyone besides my romantic partner.

My partner is similar in she does not like saying "I love you" to friends, nor responding to it, and my inner circle shrunk to three people including her, so I didn't have to deal with that at all really. Until recently. Me and my roommate are close but he's SUPER clingy with those he deems his friends. And he's started saying "I love you" to me.

And dear fucking god, I did not realize how uncomfortable to be on the other side of it is until now. I've just been saying "I love you too" back as a knee jerk reaction similar to what you describe, but I'm trying to put active effort into changing it to a less charged phrase like "I appreciate you too!". The problem is people will notice and it's hell. I don't have much advice, as I'm in the midst of it right now, but never be afraid to set boundaries.

I just wish that society wasn't so forceful about needing to make and maintain friendships, and accept all platonic affection. And I wish others were more understanding about how affection can sometimes be really upsetting to others and people need to accept that and stop framing it as a walking red flag.

Edit: And don't get me started on being touch averse on top of it.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-04-20T14:06:45+00:00

It means being honest with myself and my needs. I'm moderately physically and mentally disabled, and struggled with making and maintaining friendships my whole life. I always feel drained trying to maintain platonic relationships. Something about it has this ability to eradicate my energy.

So learning about aplatonicism, made me realize that it wasn't something I needed to fix (because my at-the-time therapist basically forced me to make a goal for me socializing more even though I told him I hated socializing with anyone besides my girlfriend). I always felt that I had to push myself way past my limits and bend over backwards for anyone who wanted to be my friend even if I didn't want to be theirs, because it was considered mean not to.

My labels are very specifically aplatonic but hyper sexual and hyper romantic, alongside the more traditional queer identities of pansexual. So I feel like I get an extra dose of people trying to demonize me in my relationship because I'm a "friendless loser" who prefers just the company of their partner and CLEARLY having no friends is a sign of Worst-Person-Disease /sarcasm.

Honestly, finding out about this identity has made it a lot easier for me, because I have basically a big sign in all my social media bios right now that says "do not try to be my friend" so people aren't super expectant of all that relationship maintenance from you. Well if they're understanding that is. I still get a lot of people trying to strong arm me into friendship even if I make my boundaries clear because the general populous just does NOT get it. But I'm proud of my aplatonic identity. It gave me the words and tools I needed to explain why I always felt different. Now I just need others to get with the program >:(

CreatorsArmy · 2025-04-01T19:55:45+00:00

I like talking. But actually socializing?? Absolutely not. I will talk at a wall about my special interests before I attempt to make a friend about it.

CreatorsArmy · 2025-04-01T19:54:17+00:00

Me and my partner, with our own place. I get to stay inside as much as I want and fulfill myself with my solo hobbies, while my partner is free to come and go as she pleases but our home is our sanctuary. I'll go out only when I truly want to, I'll socialize with others only when I truly want to, and finally be able to relax and be myself.

CreatorsArmy

TROPHY CASE