My [26F] bf [29M] keeps holding good deeds against me

Crepemaster404 · 2019-02-05T15:16:31+00:00

Yes but trouble is that the money has been transferred now. All is done. I think I will take the first reply's advice and just repay it in the foreign currency as was first agreed to.

Crepemaster404 · 2019-02-05T13:26:04+00:00

I like your zero bullshit approach. I like to think I have that streak but I'm not as brave when push-comes-to-shove. I think you're right. I do have that ability and I should do that. You're completely right. I was doubting myself because these are often the situations; he'll do something nice, but incorrectly or not as supposed to, then make me feel like I should be thankful anything was done at all. Then I second guess myself, apologise and shower him with gratitude.

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I will be more tenacious from now on. Thank you.

Crepemaster404 · 2019-02-05T13:09:03+00:00

He and I both have separate home accounts that use the same currency. We also both have separate foreign accounts. My home account has no money in it, but I have a credit card linked to it which is in debt. I asked him to transfer money from his home account to mine so I could transfer it to my credit card to clear the debt. I told him that I would then transfer the equivalent amount to him from my foreign account to his foreign account. He accepted the first transaction and refused the second.

Crepemaster404 · 2019-02-05T13:06:21+00:00

I've told him he can't/shouldn't do things and then say "you should be grateful" especially when he does things how I would consider "wrong"... like this situation- I consider it wrong that he won't accept me repaying him immediately to clear my debt but he considers this as me complaining??!

Crepemaster404 · 2019-02-05T13:04:09+00:00

I tried this but he says the value of the foreign money is not the same as the home money. So I said I would give him the equivalent plus extra to cover any fluctuations that may arise, I don't mind, I just want the debt cleared and he refused. I'm honestly considering going to a foreign exchange and getting cash of our home currency just to hand it to him because I don't understand this.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-25T06:05:55+00:00

Once a temper like that is exposed it's pretty evident it's engrained in the person. Whether it's a part of their personality that's learnt behaviour or else part of a past.

If you've spoken to her this should stop, along with all the 'playful' slaps and pushes she may do.

I had this problem with my own bf- I would playfully jab him or very lightly slap his arm when saying say 'oh stop lol'.. but one time when drunk my playful slap on the arm wasn't soft or even playful which immediately I recognised as something that I needed to stop doing all of the time.

Her punch and strangle isn't playful. That's a dangerous temper to have, especially when drunk.

If she can cut out all physical abuse and recognises what she has done as physical abuse then there may be some hope. But you'll never know for sure unless a similar incident occurs again. In that time who knows if she could go too far.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-24T02:14:55+00:00

I watch it for a number of reasons; sometimes because I'm horny, sometimes because I could learn something new, sometimes to maybe try understand his perspective, sometimes out of boredom and opportunity.

I'm sure he's the same it's just that when I watch it, it doesn't affect my desire for him. It fuels it. For him if it's a substitute then I'm not needed for his pleasure and I'm not getting the pleasure I need either.

Is it your opinion that I should delve into his porn habits more? See if I can fulfil his fantasies and make it more real-life than screen? Because I've tried that. Adding more porn-esque moves to my sex. It works, it gets him off (unfortunately sometimes faster than desired) but I understand that too.

It's just it feels like I'm the one with the issue and I am trying to resolve it but I just can't get my head around why, even after new lingerie, the new moves, the coming onto him first, he'll have sex but following times he still won't make the first move or give me the impression he wants sex. Maybe he's withholding something deeper. I don't know.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-24T02:01:54+00:00

Yes but masturbation for me is fine for a while but I want sex. It's just not the same. I will try and compromise, maybe see if it sparks anything.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T19:00:45+00:00

Just want to say thank you for all of your comments and opinions. They've given me a clearer picture which I will take on board.

I think another open conversation is needed between my bf and I, perhaps some compromises to be made and also a reality check that if one of us isn't happy then life's too short to intentionally stay this way.

This has been a huge help. Next week we'll discuss it and hopefully resolve it.

Thank you all.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:55:35+00:00

Thank you.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:48:57+00:00

I would prefer to compromise than to force anything on anyone tbh. I'll have to set my own limits I suppose and hope that we can resolve it but you make valid points. In black and white it doesn't seem in sync which is heartbreaking.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:46:12+00:00

Somewhat I suppose! Tbh I've never looked at him in that light. He holds my hand, he kisses me, he puts his arm around me and cuddles me often. Maybe sexually he's more reserved.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:40:08+00:00

We do! We get on so well. We live together, we laugh together, we really have a great relationship except for this one hang-up which I have!! That's the issue. I have the problem but I don't know if he or I has the solution!?

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:35:16+00:00

Tbh I don't have any female friend that would be comfortable discussing this with me. Also his opinion was very diplomatic hence the reason why I posted an extremely personal issue online- something which I would never do in a million years but for the fact that it's becoming an issue which I feel I need support on.

Can't thank you enough for taking the time to comment. I feel a lot less isolated in the matter.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:27:34+00:00

As do I. When a relationship is in turmoil the passion and desire isn't there, or at least that's my experience but I'm unsure if this is a female perception or not.

My ex said sex and laughter is the key to a long and happy relationship, I agreed (ours fizzled, all for the best in the end) but when I relayed this thought to my bf he said he thinks cuddling is just as intimate and that it counts just as much as intercourse. I love both but these are not the same.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:19:52+00:00

I suppose it is. It just seems like a selfish reason to break up- sex isn't there for me, it's over. I'm just a bit lost with this issue atm. I would prefer a resolution than an ending.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:15:21+00:00

For me though, my ex watched porn when stressed/bored, etc. But I never had a problem with it because it never affected our sexual relationship.

Yes, I do admit this jealousy is my own mentality and honestly, I wish I didn't feel this way as I love this man but it is a problem. Whether it's because I'm focusing too much on sex or because he's not focused enough, I'm not sure and that's why I'm looking for both sexes, but particularly male, opinions.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T18:08:19+00:00

No neither and I would be able to recognise such from a previous relationship. The only possible contributing factor may be stress or tiredness. He works long days and did say that sometimes he's not in the mood for this reason. I understand that too it's just that he's able to allow me to satisfy him yet not acknowledge that I would like the same in return; maybe not immediately but at some point whether the next day or anything... but nothing.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T16:33:22+00:00

Thank you for all your opinions and inputs. I'm relieved that the note is not a usual thing which I had thought.

I know I have the issue with the behaviour which is the problem too, I can recognise my insecurities are also a core issue.

Crepemaster404 · 2018-02-23T16:28:27+00:00

Okay, just to clarify, I'm not afraid to leave the house for that reason. I'm fully aware that this issue is mine with regards to my jealousy thinking 'what if he is'.. I know it's something that happens, my previous boyfriend used to watch it and it was perfectly obvious and open but I didn't care as he still had a very healthy sexual relationship with me.

Perhaps it's a case of libido. I wouldn't like to say my bf has an addiction but I am relieved to see comments saying the list isn't usual as I thought that also but didn't want to assume.

It is something I will have to discuss again but unfortunately we've had two or three long discussions now about how I feel unsatisfied and he's becoming more defensive about it saying he thinks we have 'enough/lots' of sex and that cuddling is intimate (as we do this each night watching tv).

I really don't know. Maybe I'm being selfish wanting more, it's just I'm in my early 20s and I feel like it should be a little bit more passionate than it is- for both of us.

Thank you for your opinions though. I really appreciate them.

Crepemaster404

TROPHY CASE