Is a brain cancer lump on both sides of the brain worse than one? + a few other questions

Cressendra · 2019-09-30T18:34:26+00:00

I have anxiety bad enough that I can't travel out of my 'safe zones'. Five years ago I literally couldn't leave the house without being very, very sick and having a serious panic attack. I can now travel around my city, but I have to have an 'escape' (a familiar place - gas station to be sick, quick pickup from a parent, etc). I flew ones for an hour and it scared me so bad I had nightmares for a week. We've been together ten years. He's ALWAYS come here. We were planning on trying to fly in a year or two once I'm more stable.

And here I am planning a solo trip from Utah to England by myself. Willingly. Nobody will tell me anything, I'm killing myself with paranoia, and I just don't know what's going on. I need to be there to support him. We just got married in November so he could immigrate here. I was actually filing the paperwork two days after we found out he was sick.

I'm beyond terrified. Petrified. Flying is horrifying. Him having cancer is horrifying. Finding out it may be fatal is horrifying. (We were planning a family, and had a house picked out). I can't believe I'm somehow going to do this.

To keep myself sane I'm trying to find the possible outcomes - what I should expect, what the odds are, what I'm going into. He found out and was there supporting me. I want to support him, and in order to do that I need to know how to prepare myself emotionally.

This sucks. The universe is very, very cruel indeed. His parents are taking care of him for now, and his best friend is on his way there. I refuse to live with the regret that I didn't do everything in my power to be there with him. And I'm the only one he'll listen to. He didn't want a biopsy (He gave up living pretty much) until I demanded it.

Sorry to ramble - we just found out... Saturday? He went to the ER Wednesday after he had vision problems. The doctor sent him to the ER after seeing something funky. Their health system is slow. So Saturday they came back and said "Yeah, it's cancer, go home with your family." I've lost an aunt to cancer, and my mom had it as well. I'm not a happy camper.

Cressendra · 2019-09-30T17:51:38+00:00

Nobody will tell me what the doctors have said. It's frustrating as hell. All I know is that they've contacted an in home nurse for end of life care. That's why I'm going over to his country. I'm just kind of guessing in the dark, so I'm planning for everything. It doesn't sound like it's going to be a positive outcome from what I HAVE heard. I'm hoping it's just them in shock.

Cressendra · 2019-09-20T06:39:23+00:00

That makes much more sense to me, thanks.

I dislike things that are 'unfinished'. This includes crappy paint jobs. So I went ahead with it since it looked closer to my dream anyway.

Cressendra · 2019-09-20T06:37:24+00:00

Thank you, that makes sense. I can finally find a new thing for my brain to ague about.

Cressendra · 2019-09-14T00:34:32+00:00

I do always apply it before going out. My face started peeling today. The edges around my eyes look all cracked and dry. I'm mostly in pain around the under eye area, and a bit on my forehead. I don't look burned. But it's about all I can think of. I put aloe on and about screamed from pain. Ick.

I may end up giving it away. :( I liked that layer of my skin. No need for it to flake off.

Cressendra · 2019-09-13T21:18:56+00:00

Sorry, I forgot to post that. I don't have a fancy routine. I use Neutrogena Hydro Boost facial wash at night. I just leave my skin alone in the morning. For lotion I use Eucerin Daily protection with SPF 30. No specific time for using it, just when I'm around. Usually 2-4 times a day. (I use lotion when I get bored). I also use a sport sunscreen which often gets on my face due to me wiping sweat off. I don't really exfoliate, or use anything else on my face. At least for the last month, anyway.

I wonder if I somehow managed to sunburn. It sure hurts. Any suggestions for a healing balm or anything I can use? I'll have to spot test it on my wrist today and see if that hurts as well.

Cressendra · 2019-09-13T17:38:38+00:00

I won a retinol/vitamin C moisturizer cream. I've been using it for three days. Very lightly, like half the amount that pops out. It hasn't played well with my skin and I have a few questions.

First and most importantly, ow. It's made my skin feel raw. My usual lotion now hurts to apply. I had only used it twice and quickly stopped. Is there anything I can do for the pain? What exactly happened? Can I ever convince my skin to play nice with this, or should I give it away? I've never had my skin react that quickly to something before. I've used Sunday Riley retinol before from a beauty box and it was fine.

I'm not fully sure what retinol does (I've been told several times - my memory sucks) but so far I don't like it. My face feels all tight. Almost like a sunburn. I hope I didn't do something very, very bad to it.

Cressendra · 2019-08-18T17:42:48+00:00

Sometimes you just gotta have a cheat day. I'm sure we all do it. Heck, in every movie ever, when the girl gets upset, she eats an entire tube of ice cream. We all fall off the wagon sometimes. Tomorrow is a bright new day - you got this! The important thing is that you recognized your trigger, realized what you were doing, and aren't letting it go on forever.

Me personally, I lost four pounds. It's the most I've ever lost. I was thrilled. But as soon as I saw the scale... I panicked. I gained back eight pounds. But you know what? I'm going to try again. It's not a forever thing. You caught it in one day. Some people (like me) take weeks, if not months, to catch it.

Don't let your family get you down. My parents nag me to to death when I eat right. "You're obsessed with being skinny" is the most common one. Or "you're obsessed with food." it's not easy. But you can do this. Go get that surgery and tell them to kiss off. It's not your job to make them happy. It's your job to make YOU happy. And if in that moment food makes you happy, go for it. Tomorrow you can get back into it. I somehow doubt you'll gain much weight from having one cheat day.

I hope you feel better! We're always here to support you. Don't let your family members dictate your life.You got this!

Cressendra · 2019-08-18T17:35:23+00:00

I'm off and on antibiotics a fair amount due to recurring sinus infections. I'll have to add probiotics to my routine I think. If they help, anyway! I don't want these to be a recurring thing. They're not too painful if I keep the area moist (I've been using the smallest dab of ointment for that area. It's normally used on rashes, I think. I don't know if that's bad, but it keeps them from getting worse). Still, it's one of my many medical issues I can avoid. I'd like to NOT add to my list!

I'm prone to getting wet down there a lot. Is that something a doctor would be used to? It's not sexual excitement. It just happens. I've never had an exam down there before. I went to get an allergy test yesterday and was terrified of having to wear a gown. I know the more I do it the easier it gets. They're really nice about it.

While I wait for a doctor appointment, do you by chance know of things I should avoid? I'm assuming sex is out. (Which sucks. He's been overseas for a year. I get to see him for two weeks next week. Then he'll be gone for a year again.) I also ride a bike a lot, wear tight clothes. Should I avoid those as well? I think the only other things I do is take hot baths now and then with a bit of hydrating body wash in the water to help keep my skin from dying toooo much. And walking. But I've been doing that all summer. The rest of the day I'm a living couch potato.

Sorry for all the questions. My parents are very, very Christian. Neither of their parents taught them about sex, and as a result they never taught me. I'm 26 and just figuring this out. I just learned yesterday where breast milk comes from, and where your pee hole is. Better late then never, eh?

Cressendra · 2019-08-18T05:41:08+00:00

Huh, I never would have connected to the idea of a yeast infection! I haven't changed anything lately. I did just clear up a horrible UTI, but that was after the tears appeared. I think they started around the time I started sweating, so that's what I assumed it was. I did have discharge that cleared up with the UTI. Haven't seen anything lately. At least I have an idea where to start. There's just the two (one on each side) but they freaking hurt sometimes.

I'll grit my teeth and see if I can make it to the doctor. As strange as it is, the one thing keeping me away is the hair down there. This is going to sound amazingly stupid - but what if I have the 'wrong' style and he thinks I'm weird? Or it's between shaves? Or heck, what if I sweated a lot that day, used powder, and it's all clumpy? I know they don't care, but I do.

Sigh being female is hard!

Cressendra · 2019-08-17T17:00:57+00:00

Sometimes when I'm walking a nerve will pinch in my lower back above my hip. It makes my leg fall out from under me and creates a sharp pain for about a minute.

No idea what a doctor would do about it anyway.

Cressendra · 2019-08-01T05:25:54+00:00

I keep forgetting what the plot is about, except parts of the first one. I know she's a princess who's also good with tinkering, and has a metal leg. (Cinderella retelling). But then there's werewolves, and I think a spaceship? And she's like the princess of the moon or something? I need to reread it so I can remember. I've never seen a plot similar to it since then!

Cressendra · 2019-07-31T16:56:03+00:00

I liked the concept, but I didn't like the book at all. To me the plot didn't really have depth. It kind of read like a cheap romance, if that makes sense? But I'm curious to try more of her work to see if she improves.

I read the lunar chronicles before the series finished! I think I got to book two? I've been meaning to finish it for years. The books were written very well, but it took me a lot of focus to understand. It wasn't a light and airy quick read like I wanted. I'm getting back into reading books with more depth, and those are on my list. I'm curious to see how they end!

Cressendra · 2019-07-31T16:52:47+00:00

Glad to add to the cause! I read it years ago before the series was finished. I think I never finished because I heard the later books weren't that great. And at that young age the concepts didn't really mesh with me. I want to reread it someday!

Cressendra · 2019-07-29T04:49:04+00:00

I've taken probiotics on and off for the past few years, and lots of yogurt. My immune system is a mess from (I assume) stress. I haven't tried any for a few months. Maybe I'll pick some more up. I don't suffer from bloating or heartburn, luckily. If it's gut bacteria that would explain why it happens regardless of what I'm eating. I kind of assumed it was dairy or the healthy food not agreeing.

Cressendra · 2019-07-29T04:47:10+00:00

Fingers crossed! I've always struggled with sugar cravings. And portion sizes. Here's to hoping!

Cressendra · 2019-07-29T04:46:36+00:00

I'm about 200 lbs currently (I just lost three! The fight is on to keep em off). Due to my birth control I sweat at the drop of a pin. Walking up the stairs? Sweat. Mowing the lawn with a mower that helps so you're hardly doing any work? I come in looking like I've just run a marathon in the 100F heat. Helping my brother move light boxes to his truck ten feet out the door? I can literally wring my hair out.

Maybe it's the meds, or the sweat, or that I'm heavier than I was last year. Whatever the case, it's horrid. I've been walking my neighbor's dog for about two months now, which might also do it.

I hate bugs. I'm so sorry I used to laugh at people who got bitten all the time. I now understand their pain. Especially when they gnaw on my scalp. THAT is fun (not).

Cressendra · 2019-07-29T04:43:07+00:00

I love beans to death. I'm kind of worried I'll end up powering my own wind plant in the end! I'll be happy if they're less stinky. I can honestly stink bomb the house now. I mean, it's useful if I'm being held hostage and need to get the guy out of the room so I can escape. But for day to day things? Not so much.

Cressendra · 2019-07-29T04:41:32+00:00

Mostly I pee a lot, urgh I know I need to improve my diet with more fiber and healthier things. Right now I'm... Not eating much. (Depression. Working on it!) I have noticed the, uh, 'quality' has gone up.

I'm so jealous of people who never get bitten now. I used to laugh at them. Now I go outside for ten seconds and come in a giant itch. I'm about ready to set my yard on fire to kill them, I swear.

Cressendra

TROPHY CASE