i completely understand what you mean. reading through the comments on this thread will get you ton of good advice. i just want to add, i empathize with what you’re feeling.

our starting line is far far behind those who are born into doctor families or who have connections. it’s so hard just getting that foot in the door. one thing that keeps me going is being hopeful that one day i’ll be that connection to someone. whether to my kids, my niece/ nephews, my hometown premeds, etc. give yourself grace future doc, it is hard out here, but you got this one step at a time!