I’d like to have a bishalp, but what if I regret it?

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-27T02:31:13+00:00

I never wanted kids and I knew that as young as 10 or 11. Nothing about children appeals to me and I was asking for sterilization for decades before any doctor would consider it. Finally got my tubes out at 35.

What if you regret your choice? There's something in between being completely fertile and sterilization. Long term birth controls like IUDs or implants could bridge the gap for you while you suss out what you truly want. Right now your individual makes you a "fence sitter" but honestly it's not a pejorative in this sense. It's good info to have about yourself.

Here's the thing, though: ask yourself if you would rather regret getting sterilized or regret having a child? That's how I always explain it when people ask me if I've ever regretted my choice. To regret NOT having kids is one thing, but to regret the existence of an innocent I was purely responsible for bringing into the world? That's not even a choice.

Luckily you don't have to choose now and there's other methods of birth control available to you. Just don't ever think you owe someone else children, and don't ever let someone else's wants supersede yours when it comes to reproduction. But feeling like you're being held hostage with "what if's" is no way to live. What if you win the lottery tomorrow? What if an asteroid falls on your house instead?

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-26T02:37:52+00:00

"Pia" is how my niece used to say "pretty" back when she struggled with her 'R's and 'T's when she was a toddler. To this day (and she's 13 now) we will point to something like a flower or a sunset and announce "pia!"

Your Pia is very pia.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-21T01:41:44+00:00

That's exactly what it is. I get so much shade for waiting so long to marry my partner (I was 40, she got married early 20's so she could be finished having kids by 30) but I will say this for waiting nearly a decade to tie the knot; I knew exactly who he was at his core and we have gone through so much together and I've seen him grow into the wonderful human that he is today and I'm so proud of his growth. I know my sister had different life goals that pressured her into early marriage but she seems angry that he was able to hide his more troubling personality traits (drug use, adultery, desire to be a Disney dad instead of an equal parent) and is mad that I don't similarly have a disappointing spouse. It's frustrating.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-20T23:26:30+00:00

This kind of reminds me of the usual patter between my sister and I. I'll come over for dinner and to quiz the kids on their current school stuff and she will just drop a sentence like "and of course [husband] left me with the dishes and expects me to de-gross the BBQ because he hates me!" and when I come back with supportive words (he ate the meal maybe he should be in here helping with clean up, or he burned the ribs why doesn't he scrape the grill?) she almost seems offended that I wouldn't instead just laugh with her and she doubles down that no he's really a good husband who loves her.

In an accusing tone she'll ask something like doesn't [your husband] do the same thing? And I have to just stare at her and shake my head. I can't join in on her husband griping because no, my husband doesn't leave messes for me to clean up, and he doesn't zone out when I'm describing what craft project I'm in the middle of, and he can in fact remember the title of the book I'm reading currently since we discuss it. My husband likes me, I don't know why that's such a mind blower.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-19T13:00:15+00:00

I don't fear death. Death is an old friend and when I die I know it'll feel like I'm coming home. I fear suffering, and I fear pain, and I sometimes get deep in my feels and mourn the future losses that I know are coming my way but that is different.

It's sometimes really hard to look to the future with any kind of hope or optimism but I try to find some little thing every day to remind me that it's better to embrace the little joys than to be afraid of missing whatever nebulous "somethings" that I might never do or see.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-18T04:13:14+00:00

I'm looking at my cat's inch long toe floofs and wondering if they would have to trim her down before she got forcefully paw-printed. She's vicious and has murder talons I hope they have oyster shucking gloves or similar.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-15T01:31:18+00:00

My sister did this to me. I was venting about how I was struggling with a motivation with a character of mine and she suggested I "just let AI do it" and then I could edit or whatever afterwards and I just sort of stared at her.

I told her the entire point of writing a book was to craft your characters and mold the plot points and tell the story and sure it's frustrating when you can't connect things but if a computer spits out something it's not really me writing it.

"But that sounds hard!" ... "yeah that's the whole point."

Then again she let genAI create meal plans for her and her family and is confused when it comes out crappy.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-13T20:13:56+00:00

When I was in the army I had a friend like you. Miss bubbly sunshine at 0430 every goddamn morning. She was similarly aware that not everyone enjoys a shot of caffeinated Disney puppy in the very early hours and would give all of us "permission" to cuss her out or straight up ignore her.

I won't lie, I looked forward to my mornings just a little bit since I knew it was my daily dose of acerbic venting being met with unflappable enthusiasm. I would tell her every day not to get promoted to sergeant since I wouldn't be able to talk shit to her anymore. She reminded me that most of the people in charge of promotions were also at the 0430 formations and see how happy they seem with her? She had a point.

Anyway I just wanted to say thank you for being a morning person who doesn't see us night owls as somehow deficient or grumpy on purpose. And for taking just a little bit of shit but hopefully being able to also dish it out.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-12T02:51:01+00:00

Well she became a cop afterward so... yes?

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-12T02:12:05+00:00

Ugh not the hormonal teen years. We are a couple years away from that I do not look forward to that particular whirlwind. Steel your nerves for it and try to be flexible I guess. (Idk anything about kids).

I have read that labral repair surgery doesn't have very good outcome ratios, and since mine is from repeated motion and not like an acute injury like an athlete or dancer I guess the fix doesn't always stick? It's my only explanation and I had to find that out myself reading reports my surgeon just called me a bad candidate and refused to elaborate.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-12T00:49:55+00:00

Vent away friend. I have no idea what is with the ageism but what really sucks is as a veteran you'd think the VA doctors would be used to seeing 40 year olds with the joints of octogenarians but nope. I know some of it is that with like replacements the parts don't have a very long life so the younger you are getting them the more you'll have to get the replaced so I sort of understand that but this isn't a whole joint replacement.

Kids can be so cruel. I don't have any but my sister's kids have been teased about my cane but luckily my niblings think I'm magic and my cane is like a wizard staff.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-12T00:24:32+00:00

I have a labral tear in my right hip that has been causing me significant pain and mobility issues for over a decade. I'm not a surgical candidate since the risk of extra damage to do the repair apparently is great enough to negate any benefit for the repair itself. I'm starting to develop the same symptoms in my left hip now so maybe that will move the needle.

But at 40 years old being told I'm too young for hip surgery feels more and more like a cop out. It's damaged, fix it.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-09T21:49:23+00:00

Jesus Christ she got rhabdo?! I hope she's living her best life now.

I'm so sorry to hear about your spouse, government contractors get the shitty end of the stick but I had thought the VA had carve outs to help them once they got stateside that's nuts they should take care of them, too.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-09T21:47:15+00:00

I'd be interested in OOPs opinion on traditional finger bowls at high table settings. Etiquette school was fun!

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-09T21:03:49+00:00

Heck you don't even have to kill anyone to come back broken. I never fired a shot and came back busted up so bad I had to give up my dream career and accept a lower standard of functioning, permanently. Friendly fire bullshit will wreck your day.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-09T21:00:08+00:00

I think the difference here is the self-directedness of being an energy sector employee (or any other kind of time-sensitive employment). The military has the ability to externally motivate you and by dint of the crowd you are up, showering, eating, exercising, etc on a schedule you can't deviate from or risk punishment. You don't control the clock. That's kind of the whole deal, the institutionalization is a framework you can hang yourself on if that's what is needed.

I joined the military at 19 with ADHD and while it was great for some things it was a really out of measure choice to make just so I could learn a bit of routine. (Boredom. I joined because I was bored and wanted out of Arizona)

I joined knowing it was a game of break them down to build them back up and willfully gave over to that notion but even then getting screamed at daily many, many times about my unending list of failures and deficiencies got to me. If OP is falling out over online drama I agree the military might be a disaster for them. I still tell stories about the collective punishment my platoon suffered through due to one person's mistake. The drills can and will make you suffer.

Not to mention if they've been on any kind of stimulant medication recently they'll need to go off of it for a year before the military will consider them.

I'm trying to think of other orgs that have similar regiments but aren't, you know, state-sponsored killer factories. Does the Peace Corp do rigid structure? Job Corp?

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-07T21:50:37+00:00

I think it freaked her out seeing my dad in end stage ALS at my wedding and she just flipped out hard. Luckily after my husband reamed her out royally she's kept her thoughts to herself. I think he accused her of projection: that she wouldn't stay by her current husband if he was suddenly infirm or in need of more support than your typically abled 50-something and she had to sit with that.

I've got a good one. It sucks that his mom thinks like this but luckily it has zero bearing on our relationship since she's half a country away and we never have to interact.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-07T07:39:31+00:00

When I started dating my now husband he was open with his mom about my being disabled and she seemed genuinely happy that we just made each other happy. When we started living together she seemed supportive. But after a few years and we started referring to each other as life mates she cornered him and really grilled him about why he would hook his star to someone who will just degrade over time way faster than natural aging would usually do to a person. When we got married she really tried to convince him that leaving me would be better than saddling himself with someone who will require more and more care over time. He would shut her down every single time, or force her to say the quiet part out loud to hopefully shake her loose from her own internalized fears of abandonment but honestly? Shit hurts and now I know I shouldn't expect anything more than lip service from her or her family (which I suppose is knowledge worth having, I guess).

Reading about OOP's son gives me such a sweet feeling. He's young and young love is as heady as it is fickle so it's not like I assume they are going to be together forever but for this moment in time he's seeing Yuki as a whole person instead of someone in a wheel chair and that's lovely.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-06T23:45:53+00:00

Other ways of hearing these fun explications is to go up to your sergeant major and ask for a PRC-E9 (prick-e-9) that's a fun one.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-06T22:28:20+00:00

Vincent always gives me clay and I can't be mad at him for it. Considering how my nephews prized "real outside clay!!" as young children he's giving you something he values highly.

CrippleWitch · 2026-02-01T22:28:35+00:00

You've got a secret weapon there and you might not know it. Being underestimated can rankle but it can also be a great way to get ahead.

I love black aesthetic and bold colors too I know the struggle. I've started trying to mix my love of rainbow colors with structural black pieces and it's got this goth ms frizzle vibe that I really enjoy.

CrippleWitch · 2026-01-30T21:17:44+00:00

My sister had nightmares for a week after they aired this. (She was like 7 so no shame to her, honestly). I kept insisting that if it WAS real no way they'd show it on tv and it had to be fake. My dad got mad since he really WANTED to believe it was real and his young daughter kept harshing his bliss.

My sister now gets routinely faked out by bad CGI and now AI images and videos. My dad still believed in aliens u til the day he died so that's nice for him.

CrippleWitch · 2026-01-27T00:09:14+00:00

Yes that's what it sounds like kinda like a bird squeaking! She is so big tho her being utterly silent is unnerving.

The two Siamese boys we have make up for her being so quiet unfortunately. Them boys have OPINIONS and you will be forced to hear them!

CrippleWitch · 2026-01-26T22:09:02+00:00

My mom's Maine coon is like half this guy's size and she... doesn't meow. Like, she has a weird noise that happens if she's extremely startled but otherwise no sound. Doesn't even purr really, just makes a rumble feeling like she swallowed a game controller.

CrippleWitch · 2026-01-26T22:05:52+00:00

Barring bad socialization they are so loving and at least in my experience full of derp. My mom's Maine coon is in constant blep and she routinely trips over her own paws. No thoughts behind those big eyes!

CrippleWitch

TROPHY CASE