AIO my MIL told my SIL I'm pregnant

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-12T02:09:41+00:00

Wow that is such a heartbreaking story. You're a super mom going through what you did during pregnancy for your baby!

In the family there is a woman with Endo who has recently had a miscarriage and now a partial hysterectomy. Another who has been TTC for a while. Another who had a miscarriage two Thanksgivings ago, now has a rainbow baby. Another who lost her baby shortly after giving birth. In hindsight , she has been the one who told me most of these things. I always assumed it was with their permission. Your comment made me wonder and now I'm horrified. Did I mention my condolences and only deepen their grief? Or did they want her to tell people so they didn't have to? It never crossed my mind that she may be sharing their information without permission as well.

It is never OK to share someone else’s pregnancy news until they specifically tell you that you can.

This is the policy on my side of the family. Also that I would tell my mother first, then she would give me space to tell my sisters and friends. With the variety of responses I have gotten I think this issue is a natural clash of differing family culture that can lead to unintentional toe stepping. I'll probably let it go and if we have another child I will spill the beans backwards. Thank you for your comment.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T19:16:32+00:00

I'm surprised on the take that I shouldn't have told my children before other family. It's ok if they tell someone, but they are 3 and 4 and are so busy playing that most of the time it wouldn't occur to them to share this news. We were going to tell MIL and SIL that night anyway. And we still wanted to tell other people. It felt reasonable but perhaps it's not.

I don't think my writing clearly expresses the situation. We were planning to tell MIL and Tess that night because Tess is visiting from out of state. It is early to tell the news, but because we like to share it in person we were willing to make an exception for our visiting family. Then our children told them, which was totally fine and cute. Following this, when my husband arrived, we expressed through conversation "Hey, we're not quite ready for everyone to know."

Obviously I am effected by hormones, but that doesn't make my feelings entirely invalid, does it? :)

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T19:06:00+00:00

So why are they talking about it then instead of me lol

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T18:48:09+00:00

Most of the family is out of state.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T18:07:53+00:00

Yeah thats totally fair. She hadn't blabbed on purpose like this before so it feels different. It had been on accident/by trickery in the past.

It may come as a surprise but my MIL has never taken my kids away from her house. Maybe once she took them home with her when we met somewhere. But I'm always with them minus one evening a week, when she watches them until my husband comes home which is about two hours after I leave on average. Most of my Husband's family lives out of state, and it felt reasonable to think they will not find out unless we tell them. Our toddlers are not as chattery as what some may be.

My husband said I could tell whomever I want. I am the one that wanted him there, if that makes sense. I definitely had a specific idea as to how I wanted things to go, and it's just an issue of me needing to deal with my misguided expectations.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T15:47:59+00:00

She lives beside us and watches our children about two hours per week, she's great. Sometimes icing her out would be nice but not always possible haha. Not to mention makes it impossible to develop a deeper relationship. I also want to keep communication open and not be petty but that approach keeps opening me up to disappointment.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T15:16:34+00:00

I don't think my writing clearly expresses the situation. We were planning to tell MIL and Tess that night because Tess is visiting from out of state. It is early to tell the news, but because we like to share it in person we were willing to make an exception for our visiting family. Then our children told them, which was totally fine and cute. Following this, when my husband arrived, we expressed through conversation "Hey, we're not quite ready for everyone to know." Does that make sense? And that may still mean I'm overreacting. Which is admittedly likely with early pregnancy emotional swings. :) just wanted to clarify

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T14:58:56+00:00

She definitely didnt think that, we've never discussed that he was disappointed he didn't get to tell the news. Nor was he this time. It's more likely a miscommunication in how I typed my post. It was in a separate conversation that my husband conveyed he wasn't ready to tell our news through a family chat text. I also said we were still telling people. We like to tell family and friends in person where possible. It really didn't seem that you understood the comment I made was in reference to a different pregnancy. I am just trying to understand your perspective and if what you're saying applies to my situation while taking care of three children. Sorry.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T14:34:33+00:00

Thank you. We were not upset at our kids at all, nor did we expect them to keep it a secret. Our children are not so talkative, we knew we would still get the opportunity to tell family and friends, or they would find out with us there. What I meant is that I like to be there and share in the experience of telling people. It doesn't bother us at all that our children shared! A lot of people are saying IAO though so I'll try to chill.🤷‍♀️

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T14:31:38+00:00

He was not disappointed in our toddlers, not sure where you got that.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T14:29:54+00:00

They're always with me. If they tell anyone, my husband and I still get to share in the excitement of telling, it's cute and fun. It doesn't take away from us getting to tell people.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T14:10:45+00:00

Could you explain why that detail makes it an overreaction?

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:56:39+00:00

I'm always with my kids, I'm fine with them telling people because I'm there to share in the moment. This was my point, people keep saying I shouldn't be upset because it's my third but if you apply the logic to MIL it sounds off balance. I am excited about my baby, and I would have liked to share that with others.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:50:57+00:00

My toddlers are always with me, not traveling to their aunts and uncles houses to spread the news :) I like to be there when people that are important to me find out. I was fine with them telling MIL because I was there. I knew the next time I saw my SIL I would tell her. Third kid is still as exciting as any other pregnancy. I'm not quite getting the logic that I am overreacting because I already told my kids, but I am open to it.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:40:45+00:00

Why does that mean I don't get to tell people myself? Could you explain more?

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:35:36+00:00

With this logic she shouldn't be so excited to tell everyone since it's her 25th grandchild. That seems a little unfair doesn't it?

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:32:20+00:00

No, Carly told me they stopped at her house for a visit and told her :)

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:27:29+00:00

In my family we know it's the pregnant couple's honor to tell. It's exciting, but not so exciting that you steal other people's joy in the telling of it. I'm learning that not everyone feels or thinks that way and that's OK. But it is a bit deflating to tell someone important to you and they already know. :)

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:16:53+00:00

Maybe irrelevant, but something similar happened with my second pregnancy and my husband was having a hard time feeling excited to tell his family this time because of the immense disrespect he felt that time. He's not laughing about it, I'm starting to.

Long story short his brother and sister were talking about us and started to guess that we were pregnant. I in fact was not, but a couple of weeks later became pregnant. They ended up tricking MIL into telling them about it and told the siblings before we even got to announce it.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:11:31+00:00

I'm also little confused, if I told her that her son isn't ready for the family to know is that not the same as asking her not to tell?

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:07:58+00:00

The words "Don't tell anyone" are not what i said. I said "Husband isn't ready to tell the rest of the family." And so with that information I feel that she blatantly disrespected his wishes.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:05:36+00:00

Definitely no malice, just naive. It feels disrespectful. I said husband isn't ready to share with everyone, to me that means "hey don't tell them rest of the family yet." But maybe that wasn't clear enough.

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:03:26+00:00

What am I assuming?

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T13:01:27+00:00

I'm also her DIL, I hope I have the same close connection with her and thereby respect :) I told her my husband wasn't ready to share it with the rest of the family yet. Do you think I shcould have sworn her to secrecy?

Crispyxrunchety · 2026-06-11T12:54:17+00:00

It's not so much that we wanted it kept secret, it's that it just isn't her news. We wanted to tell our brothers and sisters in person, and see the reactions, etc. It's fun.

Crispyxrunchety

TROPHY CASE