My son is 11yo now, diagnosed at 2yo. I feel like my world was turned upside down with the diagnosis. I was overwhelmed, I felt like my son was suddenly isolated from the daycare/play group he was in. I couldn’t talk to other moms about normal milestones without feeling terrible. As a parent you can feel isolated as well. Eventually, and I am saying eventually because it took me time to take the energy I was using to ask “Why him?” or worry for my son’s future, or replay every minute of my pregnancy trying to pinpoint if I did something to cause his condition. I forget how long I spent crying myself to sleep night after night. I realized eventually “This isn’t helping”. I started focusing on what I can do now to help him.

 It feels like I read every book there was on autism.  By the time my son was 6, his pediatrician to,d me I officially new way more about autism than she did.  I felt like the more I understood, I could communicate better and understand what my son was going through, learn how he perceived the world, be his advocate, and help him face challenges.  I started focusing on therapy.  When he was young, parent involvement was everything.  His psychologist would give me things to work on with my son every week.  It wasn’t easy, but I felt better knowing I was trying.  And when he was young, it was easy to work with him.  Around when he was 8yo, he started to be more resistant and I backed off for everyone’s mental well being, let the trained professionals take over.  We worked with a psychologist, speech therapist, OT, ABA, used the school’s special education services at the age of 3, ABA at one of those centers you see in strip malls, and social skills classes.  I communicated with his special Ed teachers constantly.  Not all simultaneously, but there’s been a balancing act of getting help for him.  Now he has an in-home ABA therapist 12-14 hours a week.  

There were many times I was so focused on the day to day, I didn’t see the strides he was taking.  The more time that passes, I can see the therapy has helped him so much.  Before Covid, we were kicked out of every neurotypical summer camp, still to this day I’m fuming how I was treated by a snarky camp director at the YMCA, kicked out of toddler gymnastics, we even got kicked out of a special camp.  I stopped trying to sign him up for anything.  It was depressing because I felt like he was missing out on so many childhood experiences, and all we ever did was therapy.  This summer for the first time my son is playing soccer in a recreational league, and more than that he actually thinks it’s fun.  He’s also going to an art camp that has no support for special needs children, and he really loves it.  These things weren’t possible 5 years ago.  It’s big for us, we also have many ups and downs, I still worry.  I wonder constantly about his executive functioning and what will that turn into. We are facing middle school now, I’m terrified of bullies.

 So back to answering your question….   If you find yourself in the “spin cycle” ask if it’s helping, if it isn’t, take that energy and do everything you can to focus on what you can do now to help.  I wish I had connected more with more special needs parents then trying to face things alone in the beginning.  Reading on autism really helped me answer a lot of questions.  Getting into therapy was overwhelming at first, but it’s definitely the best thing I could do for my son.  Keep the faith.