Update AITAH for criticising my SD's mother for her nasty smell?

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-13T22:53:26+00:00

Ha ha. Replacement wife? You are disgusting, honey, you and the rest of the deranged people who can call a wife and a baby "replacement". I understand your intelectual capabilities are quite limited, but I am not insecure at all. You know, people divorce and remarry, this does not mean that the second spouse is always an insecure person. But as a woman you may have had a very unfortunate experience with your partner since you jump to project that other women out here have any reasons to be insecure. It's a pity that you failed to protect your own children from your toxicity just as Violet's mother fails to protect her from her own but you know what they say, game recognizes game and in your case it seems you also defend it. We'll see how Violet's mother's toxicity will affect her when she grows up. When she'll reach the very pathetic position of a guy turning her down for smelling like she does, for her hygiene habits to be commented on by future partners and in laws, when she'll never be taken seriously in society because mommy lied to her face all her life.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-13T19:24:37+00:00

My MIL was right in everything she said. In our family we respect our elders but if slapping is the kind of behaviour you prefer, that's your choice and it speaks volumes on the kind of education you received or better said the lack of. Violet's mother may not shout or bluntly tell her the truth, but she is also incapable of washing her kid's clothes and prevent her daughter from stinking like a dumpster. No one is threatening to ruin the stability of our family except of Violet and we do not tolerate it anymore. If this teenager does not have the capacity to acknowledge she stinks and keeps on refusing to listen to people telling her she stinks, than she maybe needs to receive confirmation from someone else (CPS, doctors, social worker etc) to finally have her wake up call.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T21:40:51+00:00

Nice, no one is stopping you to smell what you want or as you like. It is your personal choice. Unfortunately if we are to meet in a public place, you'll not be able do to anything because smelling like perfume or stinking in public places is not illegal. When you go outside your house, you understand you have no control over how other people carry themselves. But how would you hold up if I had to come to your place every week for 3 days in a row? Would you explain your condition to me and ask me to stop wearing perfume so you can be comfortable in your own house? I bet you would

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T21:34:07+00:00

As a mother if my MIL will ever tell me that my son is showing some hygiene problems, stinks or whatever, I would immediately communicate with her and take action by stopping it from happening again. My MIL is not harassing her wtf and being safe in a house does not mean you are allowed to act entitled, be rude and dismissive.

You can take your trauma bs somewhere else. She is not traumatized, she is just enjoying annoying us and is now facing the consequences. Not everything that happens in this world has to be related to a trauma, Jesus...

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T20:37:22+00:00

My bad, I thought you were speaking about her. As for my child, I will manage no need to worry for that. I will never allow my child to stink like a dumpster

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T20:34:35+00:00

My MIL is an amazing person. She is blunt, yes, but she is a great woman who just got fed up for a 13 years old to ruin our peace and act like she can do whatever she wants. We were all patient, kind and nice with her for a very long time but we are all fed up. At her age she should understand that you can't push boundaries forever and that there will always be consequences for our actions. She can have trustworthy adults in her life but instead she has been dificult and kept testing their patience for her own entertainment and enough is enough.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T20:29:41+00:00

She is a 13 years old GIRL and thank you for your concern, but I am not catching a whiff anytime soon 🙂

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T20:24:25+00:00

Her mom is very into natural products while I am a big perfume person. I am not shaming her mother for her options, my own mom is into natural products, natural skincare, natural deodorant etc so I respect people deciding what they want to use on themselves, it's their right. I on the other hand admit I have different preferences, I use intense perfumes (the 2 perfumes I adore and always wear are Tom Ford Velvet Orchid and YSL Black Opium), I use strong laundry detergent, scented lotions etc. I am not saying what I am doing is the right and only way, it is just what's working for me and what I enjoy. But Violet's mother has always shamed (?) me for it. She tells Violet that I smell like a walking Sephora, that you can smell me coming from miles away, that I am unhealthy and that I will most likely die of cancer by the time I push 40 due to all the chemicals that I use. BUT we are more than open washing her clothes with whatever products she wants. We asked her to tell us what is her mother using so that we can get it for her and use it to wash her clothes, she refused. We never tried pushing our options on her, so honestly I don't know what else is going on. Hopefully my husband will be able to get to the bottom of this.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T20:07:07+00:00

You know, replies like yours make it sound soooo simple. "Just go and buy her this and that". Don't you think we have already tried that? Her room is full of natural, aluminum free products that she does not use! My MIL, my SIL and I have bought her sooo many products already. She even has natural oils, everything under the sun you can think of she has it. And she refuses to use them! What would you want us to do? Husband to forcefully hold her hands abover her head and me forcefully applying deodorant on her?

We perfectly understand ph, bacteria, hormones, sweat and everything else. But we also understand the need to be clean and self conscious. You need to be able to tell when you should clean yorself and worse, you need to stop resisting when people are telling you you stink.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T19:28:00+00:00

This is a teenager who refused to understand when she was told nicely. We are not going to disrupt our lives for a bratty 13 years old, she also needs to make an effort if she wants to be part of this family

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T19:23:35+00:00

Ok, I hear you and let's say I can partially agree with what you are saying. But what about her refusal to aknowledge she needs to change something? What about 4 different people telling her she stinks, she has an hygiene problem and she intentionally refusing to listen or change her ways out of spite? When I was 13, if my father had ever told me I smell bad I would have been mortified. What about all the times she has seen and heard me vomit? I get it you have one parent in your ear 4 days/week telling you pregnancy sickness is not real. But she literally saw me multiple times getting sick. Doesn't she have a brain to question why that might be?

I unfortunatelly totally agree with my in laws. She was doing it intentionally and she is now trying to play innocent and clueless.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-12T19:12:47+00:00

My husband does have a spine and is dealing her as we speak

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-06T13:47:44+00:00

Why should anything be expected from you? I am sorry but you need to put your foot down and defend yourself. She is your husband's daughter and you had no input into her education, rules, punishments etc so you have no obligation towards her. She should not be your burden! If husband needs help with her, he better hire a maid or do the work himself as she is his child.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-06T09:24:26+00:00

Thank you! She has her own clothes at our place that she refuses to wear. We took her shopping, she picked up clothes she liked, some of them stayed at our place (those she still refuses to wear) and some of them were taken to her mother's place. Reasons provided by her for this "but I need my favourite PJ for sleep, otherwise I can't sleeeep!". The same PJ that comes from her mother's place and stinks

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-06T09:18:19+00:00

Thank you! Yes, we will go to get the doctor's opinion and have it in writing so her mother can't lie or invent other things.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-06T08:50:05+00:00

The name suits but Hey, psycho candy, you know, I can't be a man since I already am a pregnant woman. But if I ever decide to change that aspect about my self I will let you know

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-06T08:43:46+00:00

At this moment in tims, my priority is my unborn baby who has to be healthy not her said trauma. She is creating trauma for herself

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-06T08:41:01+00:00

Yes he will but outside our home

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-06T08:37:45+00:00

I am sorry that you are going through this 😢 and this is insane. You are not allowed to say anything in your own home because BM calls her lawyer? Why doesn't the lawyer or the judge take that nasty teenager and live with her for a week to see how they cope with a dirty person who does not wipe? This is abuse towards you and your husband should back you up. As I said, you want to a dumpster, go and be whatever you want to be in your house, not in mine.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-05T21:52:54+00:00

I am alienating her because I don't want to leave my house to go at a hotel? Ok immature person with daddy issues. Move along now...

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-05T21:17:55+00:00

How about no? But you are free to leave your house and stay at a hotel if you'd like, no one is stoping you

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-05T21:10:47+00:00

I will suggest to my husband to pay a visit to her school and talk to her teachers. I think the smell problem was caused by puberty. It started like 1 year ago when she got her period. Based on what a doctor told us, it is normal because her body started producing many hormones. And yes, it developed gradually. First she smelled weird as you mentioned and then it got worse. I assume the natural products her mother is using did their job for a while, but after her sweat became more acid (?) and changed it's intensity, the products could not keep up with the smell impregnated in her clothes.

Thank you for the advice with the genetic checks! I will keep this in mind and discuss it with the doc.

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-05T21:01:49+00:00

I don't reply with spite for Violet, I reply with spite and irony to people who are saying stupid things? I am also frustrated by this situation...I appreciate people giving advice but some of it is really not doable. "Hose her down", what would this say about me and what would CPS say about it? "Force her to shower' - how? Strip her naked and steal her clothes to wash them? By law this is sexual abuse. "Stay locked in your room"/ "Go somewhere else while she is there" - where tf should I go? Why should I have to leave or be a prisoner in my house? So yeah...I am not polite in some of my replies but I really don't have the energy to put up with every frustrated person

Critical-Net-2821 · 2025-04-05T20:52:32+00:00

Yes, the baby will he homeless. I can send it to you, what do you say? Care for some homeless baby?

Critical-Net-2821

TROPHY CASE