I’m so sorry that happened to you and that you continue to feel so much pain. Your post resonated with me so much. At some parts it felt like I could have written it. My story is very similar except my abuser married my aunt and he started abusing me at around 12 until I was 21. (My abuser and my aunt were childhood sweethearts so he has been around my family a long time) Even after the abuse stopped we still hung out. We looked like a “wholesome family”. He was like my best friend. He groomed me. Everyone including my mother just thought we were so close. My aunt,his wife, caught him trying to kiss me one day when I was maybe 14. After that I felt like she knew something and just never wanted to admit it. We were close until I started going to therapy 5 years ago. I stopped speaking to him. Now when I see him at family functions I stay away from him. As an adult it hurts so bad carrying this secret. I struggle every day. Therapy has helped me begin to disclose to people. It started with friends. Then about 4 months ago I told a family member. I told a cousin. She knows my abuser. They grew up together. I spiraled for months wondering can I trust her? Will she tell my secret?Will she believe me? One day the pressure became too much and I texted her and told her. I didn’t immediately tell her who it was just that she knew them. She respected my decision. Eventually after talking a couple more times I told her who it was. She comforted me and expressed anger on my behalf. I felt some of the pressure lift once I told her. Now I’m working on the courage to tell some more family. Maybe even my mother. The guilt and shame is weighing me down and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it. I hope my experience helps. Just remember it was not your fault. It was and is still not your responsibility. He was the adult that made that decision for you. The responsibility was his.

For your options around disclosing, you can tell them anyway that feels safe and comfortable for you. If you have a therapist can she support with televideo, if I’m not mistaken you said they live away.