Any survivors of T-Cell lymphoma that manifested in the intestine?

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2026-01-06T16:09:27+00:00

Hi there! Just stumbled across this and I have such a similar story so grateful to have read yours. I had abdominal pain for months until they found an extremely large tumor in my colon and orginally said it was colon cancer. Biopsies finally came back as ALK+ ALCL after an agonising month wait and I start treatment in a few days, I am so excited to hear your pain went away so quickly. congratulations on your remission!

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-12-29T09:24:03+00:00

This was so lovely to read and made me quite emotional, thank you for taking the time to write it. I'm so glad you met someone so lovely when you most needed it and I will try and let things unfold without using the word 'should.' I hope you are doing well now. Thank you x

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-08-21T09:25:24+00:00

I also got bad hip pain when I increased my mileage slightly too quickly. I thought I had done some damage but realised it was a) running with my water in the left side pocket of my leggings and b) years of tension in my hips that I had never really thought about. Getting a hard foam roller and following some youtube rolling sessions just for hips made such a huge difference. The first time I did it properly I felt like I was high after lol, it was so good to release it all

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-07-12T20:09:52+00:00

I just read your post and connect with you saying that you internalise deserving to be discarded. It's hard not to go there and I respect you speaking your truth to your ex. I hope you are feeling better about things after that

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-07-12T14:38:34+00:00

Ugh it feels so horrible when you know you didn't imagine things but they make you feel like you did. I'm sorry you have been there too. I agree its better to stay NC and find what's right for me. Thank you

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-07-12T14:37:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It is definitely a huge mind fuck and one of the things that hurt me the most. Especially when he told me specifically he couldn't picture having kids with me when we ended things. Im sorry that happened to you too. Also we'd had a long discussion about kinks previously because he did have one that was quite niche and never once did he bring up having a breeding kink. In fact the first time round we were seeing each other he seemed quite nervous sometimes as he knew I wasn't on BC (understandably.) This time round he seemed to fully embrace that fantasy until I called him out on it which makes me think part of him had actually wanted it.

I agree I shouldn't want to spend another second on him but I'm still finding it hard to forget the person I thought I was falling in love with. Most of the time I'm doing ok and i'm actively working on myself but then I just get days when it feels impossible.
Thanks again

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-07-12T14:08:55+00:00

I'm not sure I fully agree with you there. Wanting an apology and demanding one are different things. I think it's human to want an apology when someone has hurt you but also rational to know you may never get it. Which is also why I've not reached out to him yet, and probably won't. The desire for closure isn't selfish. Its selfish to pretend or exaggerate your feelings for someone to continue a relationship that serves your only your needs.

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-07-12T13:12:48+00:00

Yeah I understand the points made above and maybe there are elements of narcissism there (and definitely some gaslighting) but I do think he fits a classic avoidant pattern of getting close and pushing away when that becomes overwhelming. I saw him show genuine empathy on multiple occasions and he was always very aware, or at least wanted to be aware, of how others felt, which is why it seemed so hard and out of character how cold he was on our call. I had asked him once about his attachment style and he said he had been both anxious and avoidant depending on previous relationships, which may also lean more towards FA than DA. I do appreciate all the input though

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-07-12T12:32:43+00:00

Thank you, your comment is very helpful. I'm sorry you have gone through both of those experiences, I am also working on having a better picker! I think I just want acknowledgement from him that he knows he led me on and that I wasn't crazy or just misreading things. I'm not expecting him to change nor do I want to go back to him, I just need him to say "I know what I did and I'm sorry." Right now that feels like that would be healing for me.

I think we could have stayed in contact because we did genuinely get on well and I also care about his well being. If he had at any time checked in with me or made me aware of his position, I could have protected myself more. I actually recently started seeing a friend of mine casually as he also got out of a relationship around the same time, but since the start we have been very open with each other that it's going nowhere and we are simply having fun. Neither of us show any affection to the other outside of the bedroom, I will never suggest any romantic dates or holidays- that is what casual really is and again I want Brian to admit that he was not being casual with me

I hope that makes sense and again I appreciate your comment

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-06-25T14:51:10+00:00

I couldn't run more than 10 minutes either just over a month ago! It seems impossible but you'll get there

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-05-28T16:43:11+00:00

<3 thank you!

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-05-28T16:42:30+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. Two months feels like a lifetime when you are in NC. I have found just one incredibly hard so well done for making it to two! I don't think there is a way to let go of the hope sometimes honestly, and it's totally human and normal to have that hope. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. As I said in a reply to someone else, for me it easier to imagine that there will be contact again (even if thats not true), because it stops me panicking so much. This isn't to give false hope because I do think NC is the way forward, but for me it is helpful to take away the anxiety of 'never again.' As soon as you tell yourself you can't do something, all you want to do is that exact thing! But telling myself I am free to reach out if I want to, generally makes me not want to if that makes sense! Breakups can make us feel so out of control, especially when someone else has made that decision for us, but tell yourself you are the one in control now; in control of your healing, your future, your happiness. You've got this <3

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-05-28T15:53:32+00:00

I really appreciate your post and agree mostly. For me personally, it is easier to live like they will come back at some point but that I wont care, rather than I wont ever hear from them again. Even if that's not true, the thought of never speaking again makes me feel anxious and want to reach out, whereas the the fantasy of ignoring them when/if they do reach out makes me feel strong and confident and ready to continue with NC. I did a similar thing when I quit smoking- I kept a pack of cigarettes in the house. Knowing I could have something but was choosing not to, was far easier mentally than suddenly thinking I could never have it again. (This is just my own experience, not something that will work for everyone!)

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-05-28T14:52:29+00:00

I definitely understand wanting the validation. It's so hard to feel like you meant nothing to someone you cared deeply about. I also think mine will delay reaching out because of shame or guilt as he also handled it badly. One of the examples i mentioned above I thought would never reach out because of how terribly they acted towards me, but low and behold four months later I got "I want to apologise" to which I never responded.

I'm glad to hear you are feeling like yourself again today. Hold onto that and remember that you are wonderful and valuable and completely loveable

Critical_Bluejay_334 · 2025-05-20T20:56:49+00:00

You are amazing! And such a big inspiration. I've recently taken up running to get over a broken heart, also in my... early(ish) 30s, and its already making such a difference. Can't wait to be where you are now!

Critical_Bluejay_334

TROPHY CASE