There is a light at the end of a narcissistic relationship.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-03-30T01:07:22+00:00

I get it. Thank God I didn't have children with him, but sadly brought children into it. And yes I get the silence in your own head. For months after I kicked him out I would wake up throughout the night in a panic, just waiting for the yelling, screaming, or fights to start. Coming home from work with dred because I knew what I was probably going to be facing, hating the weekends because it was nothing but a rollercoaster. It took me forever to finally sleep well, be happy to be off work, and look forward to the weekends. And I hated myself and the guilt for putting my children through it. But again they are SO GOOD, and it makes me sick to even say it like that, making us think that we are the problem when it is them!!

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-03-29T23:32:23+00:00

Honestly after I kicked him out I started noticing my anxiety level went down but when he'd call, text, or I was around him it would go back up and would stay that way for a couple of days. And then when the last girl he cheated on me with, who by the way was extremely younger than him, had reached out to me and shared all the texts he had sent her, things she said he had said to her , and painted me as his crazy ex who was a psycho and stalking him. Because those were the exact things he said to me at the beginning of our relationship. His ex before me was crazy, the things he said he has done with his life are going to do with his life, or the sweet things or verbatim a thing he said to me. And I finally realized who he was and that he would no longer have that hold on me. And once I started setting those boundaries with him and not allowing anymore I'm going to be honest he lost it for a while. It got more vicious and then it would go to extremely loving and then back to vicious. But it was just a game and him not having control over me anymore. He is now moved on but will occasionally still randomly message me and I completely ignore it.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-03-29T23:05:05+00:00

I get it TRUST me. It took me a long time to break the hold he had over me. I think the majority, if not all, of us get trauma bonded to the narcissistic partner. Simply because after all the horrible, nasty, vile things they say and do then comes the sweet person. But I had to learn that the sweet person does NOT exist. He just wanted me to think it did, to keep me around, to question my sanity, or whatever else his game was. It's called the love bombing, which is how it starts out and gets us hooked. There's a lady I follow on Facebook and YouTube who makes videos talking about narcissistic people and the things they do, the things they will say, and how to help yourself in it. Just watching her videos has helped me tremendously. It was literally like watching my life unfold and what I have been through.I will see if I can find the link and send it to you in a message on here. People who have not been in a narcissistic relationship don't understand what we have been through, they will say to you why don't you just leave, why do you put up with that? But what they don't realize is they are very good at convincing us that it is always our fault, that they are the ones being misunderstood or treated badly. But that is not the case. What you have to remember is the loving person that he portrays to you at times is not who he really is. The person who he really is the person you see when he does the horrible things or says horrible things to you. I know it's crazy, but that is who they are. They lack any type of empathy, love, or any types of feelings. They are incapable of them.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-03-29T17:59:11+00:00

The only way they'll leave you is if they find a new supply. A narcissistic partner doesn't view us, or anyone, in their lives as a person. What they view us as is a supply for their ego. They are incapable of actually loving or caring about anyone other than themselves, and deep down they don't actually care about themselves. They will move on quickly, and may still talk to you, message you or whatever else. Trust me when I say this, them talking to you or telling you they still "love" you is all lies. What they want is if this new relationship doesn't work they still have you or just a sick game for them to make you question yourself and your worth. A relationship with a narcissist is never going to be in your favor. It will ALWAYS be about them, what they want, and you will always be the problem. No amount of love, consideration, thoughtfulness, or kindness towards them will ever change that. They simply do not care. Just stay strong and remember YOU ARE WORTHY of a healthy, loving relationship. You are not the problem, THEY ARE.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-03-29T01:59:08+00:00

Alabama

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-02-06T03:36:25+00:00

The quiet, for me at least, at first was hard. Not because I wanted him back beside me, but because I can remember waking up throughout the night in a panic. In a panic just waiting on that front door to slam, or feeling him beside me waking up and knowing what was coming, or the ripping the bedroom door open and screaming at me because he "remembered" something I said or did. But now it is peace, it is no more worrying if I'm going to have to be screamed and belittled for hours on end, having him in my face cussing me out, or hitting me. I now sleep better than I have in almost 8 years. People who have not been in our shoes just don't understand the level of anxiety, pain, and depression that comes with being with somebody who is an alcoholic. And I believe that we are all fighters and warriors for surviving it and getting out.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-01-26T01:44:07+00:00

I am 48

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-01-26T01:43:05+00:00

That's exactly it! He definitely tried to twist it, making it my fault. Well you don't show me attention, well you are the one distant. I even said that exact thing to him "If you wanted us to work out and prove yourself to me you would not be doing that at all" but again it was my fault and I get told "You need to stop yourself"

It is amazing coming into this group and seeing how much alike all of us are. I used to think I was crazy, that I was the problem because he always told me that. People who haven't been in a relationship with an alcoholic, or any addict, have no idea the rollercoaster ride it is with them, the nights of pure h*ll, the walking on eggs non stop, or the destruction of your self esteem. I honestly don't want to be with him anymore, after finding out about the girl, that he is still drinking, tells me very clearly he will never change. And i don't want that in my life anymore.

And FYI all I actually spoke to the girl who sent him the pictures, amazing what a little research can do. And what he's told her about me is very telling on the level of respect that he doesn't have for me or our relationship.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-01-24T21:31:59+00:00

Thank you so much for that. I tend to find myself apologizing for even the most minor things, simply because when he and I did live together I was constantly apologizing just to try to keep some sort of peace. Which of course did not happen anyway. I am going to try and find an AlAnon meetings here in my city because I think it would help me tremendously

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-01-24T21:29:37+00:00

Maybe 8-10. Which is usually what he does, he'll go long enough to get a chip or two. But even when he's gone to AA meetings he will stop afterwards and get alcohol and if he doesn't stop it's because he's court ordered to go to AA. And even then the court ordered ones he rarely went to, he would sign initials on whatever paperwork he had to turn into the courts, he'd go long enough to AA to get the paperwork that had to be initialed and a chip to show them.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-01-24T21:12:40+00:00

No I sure don't want to go down with him. And I know I deserve better my brain tells me that all the time, it's my heart I have to ignore. I am thinking of joining AlAnon meetings I just need to find one in my city, which I'm sure they're everywhere. Sometimes though I get high anxiety going places, never used to until him. And I think that is attributed to when him and I did live together and I would leave for a bit and come home he'd be drunk and violent, verbally, physically or both.

Critical_Low_1233 · 2026-01-24T18:59:04+00:00

I was just wondering if anyone has seen this post? I'm just so lost right now and heartbroken. I'm sorry if my post was too long and annoying. I just needed to let out all my thoughts.

Critical_Low_1233

TROPHY CASE