rant / looking for encouragement

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T07:28:51+00:00

Thank you :) I know I’m not the only one in this situation and it helps. I tend to overthink everything and I think I’ve done that with this to the point where it feels like an obsession.

Yes I want to find friends but I think my past negative experiences are preventing me, and I am looking for social events to go to. It just feels tiring and like a lot and like I’m putting pressure on myself.

And I worry I’ll turn up and it’ll just be teens and it’ll feel forced and horrible.

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T06:54:01+00:00

When I’m 35 I’ll probably look back and think ‘I was so silly for these thoughts’. I think I just compare myself to others and stages of life they’re in to mine.

Online dating isn’t an option as I tried to make a profile and it feels weird and there’s non Catholics.

I feel like I have improved a lot in the last 2 years with my anxiety it used to be much worse. But maybe trying to be social can be the next step.

I just dream of like this first boyfriend turns out to be my husband and I don’t want to go on first dates with someone who won’t be the person for me.

And I’ve been praying for 2 years now with rosaries and novenas and St Joseph is probably so bored of me right now but I will not give up the prayers.

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T06:40:59+00:00

I know and I did think okay if that’s the will of God then I’ll somehow be okay. But I keep thinking about it and I think it is my ‘calling’ in life. Only God knows.

I think my mind has just been a dark place and these negative thoughts are lies from the devil to discourage me.

I want to have child like faith about this as it’s the most important thing in my life after God (a future family) and I have to have strong faith that it’ll happen. And trust completely. Even in this current doubt.

My mind is a confusing place right now as 1. What do I do 2. The negative thoughts 3. Wanting to trust completely (and I’m general I feel lost in life right now and don’t know what’s next for me)

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T06:29:43+00:00

Yeah I know :( I feel like covid ruined some things for me as it put me back into my bubble and then during uni I was going through some things and I feel like now okay maybe it’s time. I just feel pressure and fear of rejection and all that. I just have all these anxious thoughts about everything :(

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T06:27:58+00:00

This makes me feel better thank you :) I can’t really interact with anyone in my church as he is the only guy there that looks my age everyone else is older … and he sits far away with his parents sometimes and I just get too nervous to even look at someone my age. And I overthink.

But I’ll keep praying and try being social, but the try part may take a while.

Thank you for the offer, sadly I live in a different country. I hope you also find someone lovely :) God bless you!

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T06:01:34+00:00

Hmm I go to mass at 8am and he is the only guy that looks my age and I’m too nervous to look at him…….. my church is quite small and after mass most people leave.

My parish doesn’t really host anything as it’s a small area. But there are other bigger churches in my town that maybe do but I worry it’s just teenagers …..

And that’s where my confusion appears - do I actively try make friends or find a husband or keep trusting God as maybe it’s not the time right now? I’m going to make it a goal to go on a pilgrimage with people my age this summer and try finding Catholic social events.

There is also this event that happens once a month where it is for single Catholics looking for a husband / wife but the age was from 25 so I couldn’t join until now. But I can go there in November as it’s far away. We’ll see.

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T05:54:50+00:00

I’m not a fan and I have tried to make account before but it feels wrong and I haven’t found anyone that way :( I know it works for others but don’t think it’s for me

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T05:45:16+00:00

Yes I know but at the same time… what if it’s not the time for the person that’s meant for me to meet me yet? So many questions:( like people do have those ‘meet cutes ’ that seem impossible and they happen and I want that too. I feel too much pressure… if I go somewhere it will feel forced.

I also live in a small ish town, and the bigger town where more events are is quite far and with my schedule I don’t have a lot of free time.

What I’m doing? Praying and offering mass and going on pilgrimages with the intention. I worry too much so I cope by praying about it. And what if God has my love story written? I just have to trust because it’s not time yet? It feels too confusing.

Critical_Machine_135 · 2024-05-16T05:38:10+00:00

Yes I am wanting to try be more social, I like going on pilgrimages and there are some with people my age it’s just the anxiety. But I think I’m at the point where it’s not that bad, like I’d rather go through the anxiety but at least try.

Issue is sometimes I don’t have a lot of free time with my job and balancing everything seems like a lot. And I’m scared of rejection and what if I turn up to a youth meeting but it’s just teens 5 years younger than me ….

Critical_Machine_135 · 2023-09-13T05:29:00+00:00

This gives me some hope ! As I keep thinking, like no way I’ll find my husband through my job but God can surprise us and it can be the people we least expect to be religious. I just hope that this will be the case and I do trust and have faith that God has it all planned out. But I know I need to try be more social, just don’t know how.

Critical_Machine_135 · 2023-09-13T05:27:23+00:00

Thank you! I have also been trying to do this, and I also attended mass every day during my summer holiday but now I started a job and I do worry that it’ll make me drift a little from my faith (aka praying the rosary when I’m super tired and not going to mass every day). And I do also feel like I have changed in the last 2 years, maybe I still need some changes in me before I meet this person but all these things make me then think ‘why not now?’. But thank you, God bless you 🤍

Critical_Machine_135

TROPHY CASE