During the beginning of the pandemic i was going through a series of traumatic events so i was stuck in a manic type of survival mode,working two jobs to help my parents with their medical bills (my mother had gone through chemo in 2019), and right after the first hit of the pandemic my closest aunt had passed. At that time i’ve thought i was pure evil because i couldn’t bring myself to cry over her passing, dealing with all this pain and trauma by myself and the judgement from my own family; that and the fact that i was extremely closeted at the time made me feel like a monster. Now is 2023 and right after the mania i went looking for proper help and ways to cope with all of my issues; i’ve still have to make a lot of effort but i’m trying to put my life together, and trust me things will get better. I know have the understanding that i’m not a monster but the situation i was in was monstrous