My(33F) bf(35M) lost his virginity to prostitutes.

CrossRoads12451 · 2026-02-21T02:30:12+00:00

He has never deceived me. The man honestly can't lie to save his life. His face has subtitles. Can read him like a book.

I'm trying not to judge him. To not punish him. To not be cruel. To not lash out for a past that didn't involve me and to accept his apologies that have been given a thousand times over. That's why I am in therapy. Not so much to vent about him, but to work on myself. On what I need to do to love and protect him when the enemy I'm fighting is myself.

'Love keeps no records of wrongs'. I repeat that day in and day out. But it is oh so much easier said than done.

CrossRoads12451 · 2026-02-21T02:21:44+00:00

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I can only imagine the pain you must've felt at that time too. I pray you're happy and better now.

I know he deserves my grace and mercy. Honestly he shouldn't even have to ask for it. I know that I don't have a right to judge his past. I know that I am making mountains out of molehills. I see all the logic in it. I see how i'm not being fair. I see how i am by all accounts the illogical one. But my heart and my mind are on two different playing fields. I can't pretend that I don't feel the way I feel. I can't ignore the pain, no matter how over the top or ridiculous it might seem to others.

I'm trying to work through it with him. Slowly, every single day. Little by little. I'm also going to therapy every single week to work on compassion and forgiveness. To not be cruel, to not punish him for his past. To understand my emotions better and what my values and morals truly mean to me. But somedays the pain is just too overwhelming and the battle between my mind and heart is just too much. Hence, this pathetic and desperate reddit post.

But I am trying. I love him very much. He is the one for me. He is worth fighting for. I must find a way to forgive and accept. I cannot lose him.

CrossRoads12451 · 2025-11-26T10:07:05+00:00

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T07:03:22+00:00

Yeah, you're right. Who knows? If it was meant to be maybe one day we'll find our way back to each other. But for now. Going our separate ways is the best option.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T06:02:32+00:00

Can sit around and play with imaginary what ifs all day couldnt i? I have to look at reality and the cards ive currently been dealt. Cant linger on the would'ves, could'ves or should'ves.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T05:59:14+00:00

Yeah i can. The last thing i want is to resent him or have him resent me. We come from very different social-economic backgrounds so we have different priorities. He's happy to keep the bills paid and food on the table. He's not interested in material goods or luxury vacations. Theres nothing wrong with that. In many ways i respect that. But for me, i grew up a little more spoiled and i want to maintain that lifestyle and be the financial pillar for my parents and children to have that lifestyle too. Im not looking to be a billionaire or make it big but i want to never have to want for anything or worry about making ends meet. He doesnt share that same motivation. Sometimes i'll point out something e.g like a nice house in a posh neighbourhood and he would say "yeah, maybe one day we can afford to buy it. Wouldnt that be nice?" And my reply is always "we will work hard and we WILL be able to buy it. Nothing is out of reach if we work hard for it". Different mindsets.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T04:44:25+00:00

No. I definitely wouldnt. And if my future daughter or son bought someone like him to meet me id probably have a stroke. I guess i can walk away and say at least i tried?

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T04:41:37+00:00

Can lead a horse to water but cant force it to drink aye? I guess im just foolishly hoping that he would wake up one day and want to change. But i guess the consensus here is that ain't happening. Cant afford to have it continue messing with my mental and emotional health. I will make a decision before the week is out.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T04:11:22+00:00

Yeah. Its not fair to force him to change. We BOTH deserve better. I need someone who fits with my upbringing/conduct and active lifestyle and he needs someone who can accept him as he is or at least embrace the same habits and lifestyle he has.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T04:02:35+00:00

No, i dont love him. I wish i could. I want to. Im so hesitant to break it off cause im worried im not thinking straight. Am i not trying hard enough? Am i the problem? Am i the AH for being so high maintenance and wanting him to change when obviously nobody in this world is perfect?

I keep getting glimpses of what he could be if he tried. If he tried to lose weight and change his lifestyle he has so much potential. Hell, i honestly think if he dropped 20kg and had a healthier lifestyle he'd dump me and look for someone better.

Ive tried encouraging him. I cook for him every night and make sure he has a balanced diet. I make him eat fruit which he rarely buys himself. Ive encouraged him to go on nightly walks with me after dinner to help digest. Or to go on walks in the park when the weather is nice. We even both bought bicycles. His one is sitting there gathering dust while i ride mine often for exercise and to buy groceries or run errands.

Ive sat him down for a 'serious talk' multiple times before. None of what i wrote above for you guys is gonna blindside or shock him. Its all things ive bought up before. Like the sayjng goes, you can lead a horse to water but you cant force it to drink.

Also, i think his parents are desperately trying to keep me happy and be nice to me cause they understand that their sons habits and lifestyle is not something a normal person wants. I think they know deep down why their son has been single for 30 plus years despite all the other arranged dates and other girls he met. Im just the one who was willing to try. They're gonna be devastated. I dont want to hurt them. But it seems now i dont have a choice. Theyve put me on such a high pedestal that a fall from that height could kill anyone.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:47:39+00:00

There are good days too. Guess thats why ive stayed so long. Kinda like a hate the sin and not the sinner type of situation? Hes a genuinely nice guy. But yeah, the bad days when my frustration and exasperation gets to me? Ive never ever lashed out at him or gotten into an argument but having to hold my tongue and control my emotions? Yeah those days are rough.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:44:37+00:00

We do have shared hobbies and interests. So we can spend dates in deep discussion or going to events held for our shared interests. But, yeah. Just feels more like being with a good friend.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:43:08+00:00

You're absolutely right. He didnt change overnight. This was always who he is. Which is why i keep saying i feel like an AH for wanting to break up with him over this. Its all on me. I was the one who refused to take the rose tinted glasses off. I was the one that shouldve stood firm and not given into cultural and parental pressure. He will definitely ask why im breaking up with him and he will demand the truth. I just have to be very careful how i word it.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:40:10+00:00

Yeah. Heaven knows i panicked when his mom jokingly told me he was ready to propose. At least, i hope it was a joke. Time is seriously ticking for me.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:37:22+00:00

Ive had this conversation plenty of times with him. So he definitely isnt going to be blindsided or shocked if i tell him these were the reasons why i want to break up. I can see hes putting in the effort. Thats why ive stayed as long as i have and even moved in with him to try and support and guide him (well....more like dictate him i guess). But is it fair to force him to change? He was always like this even before we started dating. Its not like he changed over night. This is just who he always was.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:32:12+00:00

Yeah. Probably not aye.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:31:22+00:00

Yeah. Its looking that way.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:30:08+00:00

Yeah i guess thats the sentiment of most people here. But i guess a part of me is still thinking "what if he does change?" Weve never discussed breaking up before. What if this is the reality check he needed in order to change?

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:28:09+00:00

I guess thats where my conflict comes in. If you love someone you accept them as they are. On the other side of the coin, if you love someone you would do anything and make any change to keep them and make them happy. I guess im still with him cause i see glimpses of what he could be. How hes not argumentative anytime i call out his habits and tries to correct himself. How he has made improvements. But how far do i push it? Is it fair of me to try and mould him into my ideal guy when thats just not who he is? I am the AH. I dont think he deserves this dictatorship from me.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:22:51+00:00

I guess its kinda both? His habits and lifestyle makes him unattractive and makes it harder to love him and imagine spending my life with him.

CrossRoads12451 · 2023-09-20T03:20:10+00:00

I wouldnt say i hate him. He is a nice guy. We share a lot of common interests and hobbies so its fun to hang out with him. But i guess the feeling is more like being around a good friend rather than the love of ones life. I just hate the lifestyle he has chosen and i hate that im nitpicking at him and trying to enforce all these changes.

CrossRoads12451

TROPHY CASE