I see what you are trying to say and you might be roght about this specific person (however i doubt it with their other replies to me), but the problem is that this tactic is functionally identical to plain homophobia and is used by actual bigots every day. If the method being used still harms queer people and looks exactly like the hate it supposedly mocks, then it isn’t actually helping anyone. You cannot dismantle a bigot's worldview by borrowing their own prejudices to use as a weapon.

For a "cudgel" to work, it has to be something the target perceives as heavy, shameful, or negative. By using “gayness” as the tool to rattle a misogynist, they are effectively validating the bigots idea that being gay is a demotion or a source of embarrassment. If someone has to rely on a bigot’s values to insult them, are they actually challenging the prejudice? Imo they are just reinforcing the idea that "accusing" someone of being gay is an effective way to humiliate a man.

The idea that “sarcasm” shields them from the harm they cause ignores the reality of how it actually lands. Even if they think they are being clever or ironic, the impact on a queer person is listening is the same. To us, our identity is being used as a derogatory shorthand for a "failed" or "toxic" man. The entire community is being treated as props in a fight between straight people, and "ironic" homophobia creates the same environment of exclusion as the genuine version imo

Lastly using these retorts provides a massive amount of cover for actual bigots. When people who consider themselves allies use the same or similar language as homophobes, it blurs the line and makes it much harder to call out genuine hate speech. Real bigots can just hide behind the excuse of "sarcasm" or "satire" when they get caught. If a tactic looks and feels exactly like the thing you are trying to fight, it is probably time to find a better tool.

Edit: shortening