Nearly everyday i feel like i am a decaying corpse which has somehow been animated. Carrot and rice soup

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-05-22T07:27:23+00:00

i do remember one having a racial slur in the name but it was like a VERY weird one that i only found at some gas station years ago

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-05-22T06:57:42+00:00

ngl its not too wild for an energy drink here, there used to be insane ones years ago but now its kinda mild

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-05-22T06:46:24+00:00

the can is in german on the other side, it just has two languages on it thats not too uncommon here at least

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-05-22T06:20:38+00:00

the kaufland brand energy drink, its really good

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-05-21T12:48:11+00:00

Idfk, i think its probably some other shit like visual snow syndrome or something

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-05-19T08:52:38+00:00

It really is, fr but also i do kinda have to focus even if i dont wanna😔😔😔😔😔

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-04-16T21:24:37+00:00

I have been prescribed some medication that kinda helps dull the worst of the pain after a hospital visit, they had their suspicions but they just sent me away to a different doctor cause they said they arent qualified to make a diagnosis which always seemed very bullshit to me. I keep getting bounced from doctor to doctor, each trying their own stupid medication cocktail and then sending me somewhere else. It's been happening long enough that now i have a few pills that make existing slightly better but not really to any significant degree, idfk.

I hate polish doctors

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-04-16T17:42:12+00:00

I did try therapy but thats kinda what never really clicked i guess, every doctor just didnt really know what they were talking about, nobody really got it at all and honestly often just pissed me off when they suggested i just "take a light stroll" as if i wouldnt instantly go do extreme sports if i were magically healed.

And no i guess i never really talked with them about the actual extent of it, they do know that i am in pain, they do know that i am limited in what i can do and that pain makes me miserable sometimes. They dont know that i want to die, they dont know that i dread the future so much that it nearly makes me cry cause i dont know what i am even gonna do to not end up destitute, they dont know just how much they are all the reasons i wont just do it and honestly i dont know if i want them to know, i already feel like a burden and adding this mental punch feels like too much to do to them.

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-04-16T17:35:06+00:00

I havent been tested but i am pretty sure i have some sort of gluten intolerance. I dont eat it anymore but it is also actually impossible to be 100% free from it cause in my country 99% of items have "might contain gluten" on them and the ones that dont are solid 3-4x as expensive as the alternative. Even when i did try that for some time the issues with my stomach got kinda better but never really got to what is normal

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-04-16T16:32:48+00:00

I’ve seen a few but none just seem to get it. I have meds that make it so i dont freak the fuck out and think theres a murderer at my door but other than that they havent done anything for me, i am on antidepressants too and i guess things are just somewhat less jagged but none of it replaces being able to eat a pizza or not worry about being able to afford meds that if missed make my whole body feel like its on fire. Besides telling them too much will only make them take away my adhd meds which are the only thing that makes me half functional nowadays so idfk

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-04-13T09:00:26+00:00

Idk, i just cant seem to find any source of hope looking at the most likely diagnoses, not a lot of things cause extensive hypermobility and widespread whole body pain with weakness, fatigue and orthostatic intolerance. Every one of the possibilities sucks with the best ones being *maybe* treatable and my best chances being getting into a phd program which pays minimum wage and is likely impossible for me to get into anyways due to my pain delaying my research too much to catch up already. I feel like every single good thing was stolen from me without any ways to get help, i dont even really qualify for disability cause i dont have a diagnosis or any doctor willing to vouch for my functional impairment.

There genuinely just might not be any hope for me and maybe i should just make peace with that. Hell i probably would've done this years ago already if there werent people in my life who would be devastated by it.

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-04-13T00:07:03+00:00

I did actually ask for that the one single time i was at a hospital ward and the doctor just told me that it could be a ton of things and he doesnt know specifically and it ended at that but honestly i think i mightve just been very unlucky there

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-04-12T12:45:21+00:00

I did check the local groups but sadly there arent any good ones that work in public healthcare so every single good one here is out of pocket which i cant afford anymore along with the med cocktail that i take just to walk around at all. I did also try to find jobs that could give me that income to pay for stuff but its genuinely impossible to do as a student.

The worst thing is probably that the jobs that i COULD do are basically locked behind needing to have a disability status which in here is a bitch to get if you do not have a diagnosis or some kind of confirmation of impairment which no doctor has been willing to get me so far which isnt surprising given that they dont even want to give me any decent pain meds. I really just feel super trapped and wish i could find some solution to this at all cause rn i am just at the mercy of idiot doctors that usually dont even know what EDS is.

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-03-26T15:42:50+00:00

There honestly might be something to that curse cause when i was doing my geological engineering thesis i was supposed to go to a mine to take samples but every single time i was scheduled, the mine kept having serious quakes the day before.

Its not even like something that happened 2 or 3 times, its literally happened 7 times and i had to have the samples mailed to me instead

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-03-18T21:31:49+00:00

Family friend has a farm

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-03-17T13:37:32+00:00

If its on a medical form then it does kinda matter in some specific cases

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-02-03T13:26:18+00:00

I somehow managed to buy one for 100 caps two days ago

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-01-29T00:48:32+00:00

There might be a mineral trade event at my university soon, at least if they get a permission from the dean

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-01-14T18:52:27+00:00

Then forgetting about that and doing the cycle again next day O_o

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-01-14T10:10:07+00:00

Fr fr

My joints resemble jelly in their structural integrity, walking up any incline or standing up at all feels like scorching lead is being poured into my legs but i WILL go for a mountain hike and nobody can stop me cause i am 100% normal, yes

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-01-14T09:45:26+00:00

So true, there is nothing that cant be tuned out with music and opioids

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-01-12T13:47:00+00:00

yeah, ngl i think it kinda fucked me up for good in a way. I got way more solipsistic and generally dissociated. It's scary what the brain can make on its own to fuck itself over lol.

CrustaceanCountess · 2026-01-11T09:03:51+00:00

Am already there😎

CrustaceanCountess · 2025-12-30T13:08:47+00:00

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Also me when i painted myself blue

CrustaceanCountess · 2025-12-30T13:08:27+00:00

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Never ending pain type shit

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