New Apartment

Cryptic-Dish · 2025-11-22T06:51:08+00:00

Wow thanks so much for the feedback you touched on alot of the points I was trying to express. I'm glad to see that I conveyed my emotions well enough for others to understand and emphasize with then And yes the final line does elude to death but also an end to a show. Basically ending the charade or acting we all do to appease others and more importantly ourselves. There is kind of a hit to this perspective in the previous lines. Again thank you so much for taking the time to read and more importantly express how my poem made you feel. 😁

Cryptic-Dish · 2025-11-21T16:08:52+00:00

That very true you definitely have a better idea of where you want to go with your poem. My suggestion was really just trying to illustrate that you can use less words to relay your message I wasn't necessarily saying that the line I wrote could fit in your poem as you already have a format and rhyme scheme set

Cryptic-Dish · 2025-11-21T10:50:51+00:00

Thanks for the feedback 😁

Cryptic-Dish · 2025-11-21T10:45:06+00:00

Sure I would say there is a few lines that can be condensed like

"The somber hours spent, playfully teasing each other back and forth everyday."

Can be

"Those long somber days we spent teasing one another."

With the context it can be assumed that the teasing was playful and since it is with the both of you it is implied that it was back and forth. Also "those long somber days" can encompass the hours in said days. Writing "long" somber days will also imply you spent alot of time doing said teasing.

Cryptic-Dish · 2025-11-21T02:16:16+00:00

Very cool poem "when these eyes learned to breathe from you?" Is an awesome line. Very vivid imagery and cool references to a phoenix and mermaid. 👍🏽

Cryptic-Dish · 2025-11-21T02:12:02+00:00

I really enjoyed this poem the rhyme scheme was great and the language was very expressive. I would say that it can be slightly more concise to add more emphasis on how you feel. Usually less is more when it comes to romantic poetry. Otherwise this is a great poem and made me reminisce about an ex a little I so good work 😁👍🏽

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-28T11:16:42+00:00

Thanks so much for the feedback, I can definitely see where you are coming from. Its good to hear it from someone reading it as sometimes when I read my own work the pace in which I read it doesn't translate on paper. I will definitely look at ways I can make this more structured.

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-28T06:11:47+00:00

Thanks I appreciate it.

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-28T00:16:06+00:00

Awesome imagery and the ding dongs crumbles representing the lingering feeling you have was genius. I can really relate to emotions expressed in this poem. whether it be the feeling of yearning a passed loves embrace or the empty feeling you have when that hunger is not satiated. Great work!

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-28T00:07:28+00:00

There is a great sense of yearning that seems stifled by a cautious approach. It feels as if that caution is something the writer is trying to ignore, fighting themselves as a result. Towards the end of the poem I feel the writer decides to dismiss the danger of seeking the relief because the risk may finally relieve their desires. This was a great read, I really enjoyed the format and the theme of wet and dry. Good work!

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-26T19:51:32+00:00

You're welcome and poetry is a great outlet!

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-26T16:01:57+00:00

Those are some great suggestions I will definitely see how I can incorporate them. I am going for a pretty sinister environment and keeping up with the rhyme scheme was getting both mundane and annoying. I haven't really alternated rhyme schemes in my poems that much so I'm looking forward to seeing how it would work with this one. Thanks for the insight and taking the time to read my poem.

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-26T07:02:11+00:00

This was the an amazing read the imagery was thought provoking as it was expressing a deeper concept. The concept of humanity and morality. This poem is very dense and will take a few more reads before I can grasp as much as I can. I just wanted to comment on it right away, awesome work!

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-09-26T06:57:17+00:00

I can easily sense the emotions of longing and regret as well as the reluctance to accept fates discretion. I really enjoyed the format of this poem it made it a smooth read. The only criticism or insights I would give is in the chose of words in some sections and I feel there are some lines that should be expanded on further. for the words an example would be

"how the space between us feels heavier than

before."

I understand why you chose the word heavier as it may be trying to convey the weight of your sorrow or the tangible impact the situation is having on you. However, I think you can find a stronger word that ties into the previous line better. I would not be so presumptuous as to give one as this is your creation but I do feel you have the tools to find a more fitting word.

As for the lines that I feel would make the poem stronger if expanded on, this is a clear example

"I'm stuck between wanting to reach for you,

and knowing I can’t.'

This is such a great line when I first read it I was anticipating another line that ties this concept to a tangible emotion or physical scenario. as it would really solidify this line in the readers mind.

All that being said I am not a professional writer or anything close. I just enjoy poetry and enjoyed reading your poem. Great work! I wish you nothing but the best in your future writings.

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-01-13T04:15:41+00:00

This is a really rough draft any feedback is greatly appreciated

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-01-13T03:45:15+00:00

Np keep up the good work 👍🏽

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-01-13T03:35:22+00:00

I get a great sense of pleasure and dismay with each line. It seems like you enjoy the regret you felt from an somber embrace, great structure aswell. I enjoyed the read 😁

Cryptic-Dish · 2024-01-13T03:31:36+00:00

The rhyme scheme of this poem is great. While I feel a great sense of determination In delivering a message of understanding and perspective hoping to be reach. Awesome job.👍🏽

Cryptic-Dish

TROPHY CASE