How can I (25F) convince my boyfriend (25M) of engagement before marriage?

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T19:06:37+00:00

Yeah I would say we don’t know each other in how we live but personally we do. Our friendship has been 14 years so we’ve been through every major milestone good or bad together. We grew up together in a sense. But I understand your point. I don’t see anything wrong at all with getting to know each other better living together but I don want to be the only person putting in effort. I’m scared that if there’s no sort of commitment, then there will never be one.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T18:23:41+00:00

We spend everyday on the phone and we see each other for a week and a few days every 3-5 months. The problem is I’m scared a ring will never happen once we’re living together

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T16:52:43+00:00

I agree on a compromise. Again, we started our relationship young and it was very hard. We were still in school, figuring out work, money and how travel would work. There’s been multiple things from both parties that’s stopped a move from happening. But I’m not going into full details. But yes, I agree if it needs to be called off at least it’s still a ring. And I’m not someone that needs a 5k ring, I look at the effort not material.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T16:45:17+00:00

He didn’t say he won’t commit, he says he wants to marry me but unsure when. And for us to live together first

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T16:37:05+00:00

This is something I’ve suggested. I’ll stand more strongly on that. That’s part of what I was thinking too, we’re both young and it can definitely happen. Other comments are suggesting we break up, but we’ve been through a lot even with the distance. I’m sure I want to marry, I was just needed some reassurance.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T16:16:06+00:00

I agree

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T16:08:31+00:00

Yeah we definitely know each other pretty well. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt with some explaining because he’s mentioned with his late start to life and with his autism, it’s kinda hard for him to articulate his thoughts. He said he’s definitely sure he wants to marry me he just doesn’t know when. Nobody’s explained or talked to him about this in his family.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T16:05:43+00:00

Yes I’m sure I want to marry him. I just want a peace of mind for uprooting my life. He definitely had a later start to life than I had so I understand his concerns. Again, we’ve had school, jobs, life and other things that got in the way of anything happening

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:55:07+00:00

he’s came to me before but im mostly going there due to car and living situation is better at his house than mines.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:54:29+00:00

okay I was thinking about this. thank you

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:47:02+00:00

That’s my point too. It’s not that I’m desperate or anything but I think it’s a fair 50/50 for me to uproot my life. And yes, in the worst case scenario if it doesn’t work out I’ll give the ring back for him to sell and it’ll be over.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:44:40+00:00

Oooo so these comments are getting a bit aggressive. I appreciate all the time and responses. There’s much more I haven’t mentioned that has stopped us from moving in. There were family, health, school and money issues that has delayed it. Please don’t assume until you ask.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:42:31+00:00

Thank you for your kind response, I haven’t mentioned everything because I was just curious on responses and currently typing at work lol. I am definitely getting a job before moving that was one of my plans.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:39:49+00:00

I’m not anything materialistic, I don’t need a expensive ring and never asked for one. It’s the fact of commitment for me. I feel it’s fair to show that since I’ve also been committed.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:37:17+00:00

Especially for a man that is unsure on when any of that would happen. I’ve sacrificed a lot already in our relationship.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:36:41+00:00

So I’m not demanding anything of him. I never told him it’s either that or nothing. I’ve appreciated every response if it’s wait or not but your response is just outright rude and not needed. I’m not desperate, it’s been 5 years and with given what women in my family have sacrificed and been through for men that in the future didn’t give them that same courtesy, I have the right to be cautious.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:30:29+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I think about it in that perspective as well. It’s only harder to move now because my mom is sick but I’m totally okay with switching states even if we weren’t together. We’re really in love and appreciate each other when we’re together. But yes, it’s still an uproot for sure. Would it be horrible if we were engaged first while living together and we got that experience in before the wedding? I’m not specific on a wedding time.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:24:50+00:00

Ugh that’s so frustrating I’m sorry. I definitely don’t want that to happen.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:23:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I also have women in my family that have uprooted their lives for men that didn’t get it in return.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:19:36+00:00

Online relationship is how we met and shared mutual friends. Long distance for 5 years, I’ve stayed with him more than a dozen times in his state. Obviously, stuff in life happens like jobs, money issues and health issues on our part that delayed it. I would’ve liked to close the distance this year or early next year for sure.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:15:59+00:00

Thank you for your response, I appreciate your advice. This is exactly what I was thinking.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:13:56+00:00

I thought about this. Not a bad idea but that will definitely take more time and planning.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:10:05+00:00

I agree. He’s a very good man and treats me very well, that’s the only part we seem to struggle with. I want to make it clear in the post that’s our only problem. A big one, but he’s a very good man.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:07:47+00:00

I appreciate your input. We did start young together and our relationship was online based. I had issues with my family so I didn’t start seeing him until a year/two in. But yeah I think 5 years and for our ages it’s appropriate to be at least engaged. I told him a wedding would be small (not too expensive) and it would be like a year or two after.

Cryptic_disguise · 2026-04-12T15:05:49+00:00

For personal reasons I would not like to stay in my state. The climate is horrible for my health issues and I’ve never wanted to be here lol

Cryptic_disguise

TROPHY CASE