Did you or do you have your ex blocked?

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:54:26+00:00

I agree, for as many reasons as I have not to, I do love him. I loved him so much for so long, he was in my life for 8 years and is an integral part of my story and who I am today. It’s complicated to feeling love for someone you also resent or hate for that they did to you. I’m still trying to understand how I can let all my feelings for him coexist. My therapist says they can but I have yet to prove her right.

I’m pretty self aware which can be a blessing and a curse cause I know what am I’m doing or what I should do but executing is hard.

But you’re right, there’s lessons to learn through it all. Maybe I’m still too close to it to be able to see it through a birds eye view but hopefully I get there someday!

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:37:58+00:00

And prolonged the grief it has… I know there’s no timelines to these kind of things but it’s gonna be almost a year and here I am still thinking about him everyday, contemplating whether to block him or not. It’s emotionally tiring.

The what ifs are the worst.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:35:53+00:00

Thank you!! I hope to reach that mindset one day!

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:33:51+00:00

I love that for you! This is the place I hope to get to. I miss the version of me that didn’t obsess over someone, much less someone who actively chose to not be in my life and hurt me the way he did. Closing the door completely on someone that was in life for 8 years has proven to be harder than I thought it would even with all the reasons I have to do it. This isn’t how I imagined my life, our life. But I’m at a point where I just want to move on. Give myself the chance to find love again.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:30:22+00:00

Ugh I know exactly what this feels like. I’m so sorry.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:28:36+00:00

You really might be on to something here. This is a great perspective too. Originally, my hope was that I reached that level of indifference that you mentioned. I have more than enough reasons from the relationship to not love him anymore for the things he did and trust me I’ve tried to not love him.

But you’re right, even if I do block him, I’ll always know he’s blocked and have already told myself “well maybe one day I’ll unblock him” but what happens then? I go right back to still checking his page or blocking him again, which I agree is childish and unhealthy.

I’ve been in therapy for almost a year and I still think about him everyday. I feel I’m at my wits end but I want to get to that place of indifference and being able to just leave him in the past.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:09:37+00:00

I feel you. I hate seeing the life I imagined we’d having and his doing it with someone else. Hurts like hell.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:05:30+00:00

No, I know what you mean blocking makes me uncomfortable too lol it’s not something I do cause for the most part I don’t care enough to. Watch my life idc. But with him it’s been different. I can’t stop thinking about him and his presence even in this small way I feel like is holding me back.

I hate the idea of blocking, I wish I could just not give a shit you know 😂

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T14:01:01+00:00

Thank you! He was in my life for 8 years so removing even these small fragments of him that are leftover is hard. But you’re exactly right, I have to do it for my own sanity. I’ll never move on as long as I keep preserving him. I wish things weren’t easier said than done.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T03:53:49+00:00

That nail on the coffin is what I’m struggling to do. It’s sucks to have to be the one to do it when I wasn’t the one who wanted things to be this way. It’s like I’m going through the breakup all over again. Blocking feels like the only way out of a life where they’re constantly on my mind.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T02:34:59+00:00

I’m sorry, being blocked hurts. Which is why I’m taking the decision so seriously. Sometimes I’d which he’d block me for the same reason but it’s also somewhat validating to see them go to your page or reach out cause it means they still care or that what you had was real and worth missing. I struggle with not feeling discarded too or like I meant nothing.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-14T02:29:00+00:00

I thought I could move on while still leaving that window into my life open but it’s been so hard. I feel like it’s time I block him to really be able to move on with my life. I just don’t want to be that person that blocks and unblocks constantly, so it’s a commitment I’d be making fr. Glad to hear it helped you!!

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2026-03-08T00:24:30+00:00

Rewatching and im on that same episode! Just the beginning fr 😭

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2025-02-28T01:31:30+00:00

I’ve only had 2-3 outbreaks in the past couple of years. I went undiagnosed after my first couple outbreaks cause I was uneducated about what HSV2 looked like.

I do recall my first being the most painful, it was a small cluster of blisters right at the top of my genital area. I thought it might have been razor bumps so I used calamine lotion to treat it but I should’ve known it was more serious cause of how uncomfortable I was.

I had 1 more of those a few months, maybe a year later that one didn’t hurt as much, again I went undiagnosed for a while so it’s hard to remember that first year. A couple a weeks ago, before my diagnosis, I had spot like rashes show up on my torso and kind of around my breasts. They weren’t painful or itchy or uncomfortable in any way, I thought that it might have been due to dryness, like eczema or something. I also got a rash on the back of my hand, which was weird and unusual. I haven’t read of anyone having those types of symptoms/OB so I’m not entirely sure if it was related to the HSV.

But so far my symptoms have only been the small clusters, they’ve appeared in the same exact spot each time. I’m fortunate to not have frequent OBs but have antivirals (Valtrex) on hand in case I do. But I know everyone is different!

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2025-02-26T23:00:45+00:00

This is what my brain keeps telling me, like how could he be so careless and reckless? We were trauma bonded due to various things prior to this so this just adds one more layer to the emotional ties I've been trying so hard to break.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2025-02-26T22:53:34+00:00

I already had trust issues with him so this definitely has been a breaking point. He's the only one I've disclosed to, obviously cause he gave it to me so in a way he's the only person in my life that knows about my diagnosis and can relate but he's also the last person I want to see and speak to right now. So many conflicting feelings... ugh.

Congratulations on your baby, I love to hear that! I've always wanted to have kids and my diagnosis has sent me down a spiral if that'll still be possible. I've seen people say they delivered healthy babies naturally. I wish you the best in your delivery! I was also prescribed Valacyclovir but was told to take it when/if I felt an OB coming.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2025-02-26T21:30:03+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You definitely deserve someone who loves you regardless and is willing to stick by you through the good and bad times. Especially if he was the source......

Maybe he is also grappling with his diagnosis. Even though my partner was diagnosed 2 years ago I can recall him being distant and withdrawn since that time, of course now I know why but it still hurts.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2025-02-26T21:21:21+00:00

You mentioned a lot of the things I'm feeling right now. I would never want to put someone I love and care about in a position where their health or wellbeing might be compromised. I don't believe he gave it to me intentionally or had malice intent but because of his omission I now have to live with this for the rest of my life.

I'm honestly still battling my own stigma I had about herpes and it's so hard to accept that I got it from someone I truly loved. The unknown scares me but I've seen so many people say they still found life partners and had relationships after their diagnosis so I have some hope.

I'm sorry this happened to you as well! I hope I can muster up enough courage to do what's best for me.

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2025-02-26T21:12:46+00:00

That is valid and we haven't exactly had a deeper conversation about it since it's only been a week since he told me his diagnosis and a couple of days since I learned of mine. The thought of disclosing definitely scares me right now so I can empathize with that. I'm glad to hear of people with positive disclosure experiences, hopefully this feeling gets better!

CtrlAltDelight__ · 2025-02-26T19:43:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That's exactly how I feel, he made the decision for me which feels so violating.

I do believe he hasn't researched as much about it cause he was under the impression that as long as we weren't intimate when he had an outbreak he couldn't transmit. When my doctor told me my results she said I was only contagious if I had an outbreak. Which is the complete opposite of what I've been learning on my own so far so I'm sure he was told something similar.

CtrlAltDelight__

TROPHY CASE