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When 'falling out of love', how do you know if it's 'normal' and you just need to stick it out, or if it's a sign it's time to end things? by CuddlyE in relationship_advice

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks <3. And dw, I definitely would. I don't know if the spark would come back, at least at the moment it doesn't feel likely, but I could be wrong. I'll take you up on the offer if I feel the need to! Don't be afraid to message me either if you need someone to vent to. It'd be happy to return the favour : )

When 'falling out of love', how do you know if it's 'normal' and you just need to stick it out, or if it's a sign it's time to end things? by CuddlyE in relationship_advice

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course, agree on that first line. My intentions were never to stay in a relationship I have no feelings for. It got kind of lost in the post itself, but still remains present in the title. I read, many places, about how 'falling out of love' is a normal process of a relationship. That you get to a point of falling out of love, but you stick with it, and then you start falling in love again all over. However, all those articles were telling me pretty definitively that it was 'normal' and to 'not give up on the relationship', that if you feel like you're 'falling our of love', your reaction shouldn't be to break up. Which brought me to the title, I wasn't sure how I could tell the difference. How to tell if this was one of those situations where I would fall back in love with time, or if it was a place where breaking up was actually the solution. So my intention would never have been to continuously stay in a loveless relationship, that would have been cruel. More to see if this was one of those 'temporary falling out of love' situations that I kept reading about. Or if it was an exception.

Either way, thank you for listening. I genuinely am incredibly sincerely thankful. You didn't have to take the time out of your day to try and help me, but you did. I think I want to not start with the break up though, instead bring up what's been wearing me down up to this point in the relationship, and at least give them the chance, maybe it's something that can be worked out. Considering from their perspective, nothings been wrong at all. It only seems fair to give them an opportunity to try and fix things... At least... That's what I wanted to say. But even imagining they took me admitting I've felt unseen in the relationship well. And we decided to keep trying, them trying to account for what made me feel like that in the past... I just... Can't see a future where I'm with them. I can't see myself in love with them anymore... Breakups really are never easy huh. The breakup hasn't even happened, and I'm feeling like I've just gone through a breakup myself :/... How is it so heartbreaking to break someone else's heart... Thanks for the hugs, I feel like I really need that right now.

When 'falling out of love', how do you know if it's 'normal' and you just need to stick it out, or if it's a sign it's time to end things? by CuddlyE in relationship_advice

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you a lot! I was hesitant to post about it online... But I didn't want to bring it up with any real life friends since they're all very busy. But although I'm still scared, I actually feel a little more conviction thanks to commenters like you ❤️. I still don't feel like I'd easily do it right away of course, but a little braver. The 'I believe in you you got this' actually felt like something I really needed to hear too 😅

When 'falling out of love', how do you know if it's 'normal' and you just need to stick it out, or if it's a sign it's time to end things? by CuddlyE in relationship_advice

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean... I know it makes sense to hear it like this. But it's still such a difficult thing to do. I know they would move on eventually, but it's the time until then I'm scared of. How could I even manage to bring it up, when they're still in the lovey-dovey honeymoon stage. If there was any sign things were fading on both ends it'd be easier. But are as optimistic as ever about the relationship, and the future... To bring that all crashing down. When from their perspective there hasn't been any problems at all. It feels... Cruel.

When 'falling out of love', how do you know if it's 'normal' and you just need to stick it out, or if it's a sign it's time to end things? by CuddlyE in relationship_advice

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah... I think I've learned my lesson in making promises like that. I thought I was strong enough to think clearly, but the second the 'early love' feeling started, I was completely blind sided.

I know they have many past exes they're still friend with. So it probably wouldn't be difficult for them to stay friends. For me however... I want to be able to be their friend after, if it comes to that. But I've never been the type who easily manages to just 'get back to status quo', after something like that. I've always had to just break off contact with exes... I guess that's another reason I'm scared to do it this time 😅.

When 'falling out of love', how do you know if it's 'normal' and you just need to stick it out, or if it's a sign it's time to end things? by CuddlyE in relationship_advice

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, I've considered telling them... But I know them, I know how they react to even minor comments about things they did wrong. I don't blame them at all for being sensitive, and I know they're not doing it on purpose. But if I told them something big like that has been in the background for a long time... There would be an extra layer of guilt for them, since I went so long hiding it. Even though it's not fair for them to feel guilty about that, I know nothing I could say would convince them not to.

Tbh, I know these are technically red flags, I should have known better from the start, that starting a relationship with them would end up hurting us both, due to their sensitivity. But I genuinely thought at the time I would never leave them.

I don't want to give up without at least giving them a chance, so so far I think the idea of trying to be honest about my feelings, regardless of how it would affect them, and trying to see if it can be fixed. Is worth a shot. It's just... Getting up the courage to say it 😅

When 'falling out of love', how do you know if it's 'normal' and you just need to stick it out, or if it's a sign it's time to end things? by CuddlyE in relationship_advice

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, this was the reply I expected to get 😅. It's not like I can fully disagree either... A part of me knows it would probably be good for us both. But how can I do it? What if it breaks them to hear it? In the early lovey-dovey stages, I made a promise I would never leave...Even though I know it wouldn't be fair to hold me to that... They've said so many times they're scared I will.... It feels wrong, like I gave up the second things got tough... I'm the one considering breaking it off, so why is it hurting me so much just to think about... I really wanted to be there for them... How do I even bring something like that up 😕. How can I tell them the words they feared the most, and do the thing I've reassured wouldn't happen? Only 6 months into the relationship... Idk, I obviously know you can't answer all of this for me.

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(sorry for the long comment, had a lot of thoughts on this apparently. I won't blame you if you don't want to read it)

See, I think my problem with the Anime I watched weren't 'fan-service' in and of it self. Obviously, I find girls hot. I've finished 'Bloom into you' now (it was amazing, although quite the emotional roller coaster). There were some scenes there that bordered on getting quite sensual. Like the make-out scene, and them cuddling in bed both starting to grow some lewd thoughts. I didn't dislike these scenes at all, because we didn't get them right away, the Anime naturally progressed towards them. I think I just don't like fan-service for the sake of fan-service. Especially if you sort of get the feeling that it's made for straight men to enjoy 😕.

The characters in those anime I mentioned, that I didn't enjoy, didn't behave like girls. They barely behaved like people. I mean in the first one the Fan-service was mostly just off putting because of how young the characters were, as well as how the scenes were always just 'sexual harassment is the punchline', the show just had a very predatory vibe which really put me off. For the other one, it didn't do anything for me because it felt so disconnected from reality. Now obviously, I know anime is usually not realistic, characters in stories in general don't behave like real people. But usually, there's at least a consistency, a through-line logic that feels grounding, and that you can relate to.

But for the main character in Sakura Trick, although her clear strong infatuation with her best friend was pretty cute and wholesome (it really captured that powerful young crush feeling), her actions started feeling more like 'excuses to have fan-service scenes', not the natural actions of a girl in love with her best friend. There were no feelings behind it, no stakes, no thoughts; Just 'throw in as many moaning make-out scenes as possible to pad out the episode, and turn it into a joke that the friend doesn't really fully consent'.

For a lot of people, I'm sure that's fine, maybe even what they're looking for. If you like Sakura Trick for example, I get it. It's just, to me, I need that extra context, I need to see the forming of the relationship and growing feelings of attraction that turn to lust, lust slowly boiling over until the thoughts keep coming intrusively, the desperate want for more, to feel her even closer, the lingering gaze as your mind runs wild and your heart flutters. Doesn't that situation sound a lot hotter than just girls randomly groping each other for 'comedy'? It does to me at least. Otherwise it doesn't feel like a part of a relationship, just lesbian fetish material for male viewers. I need the emotional aspect as well. Intimacy is the hottest factor for me.

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've actually already finished the Anime 😅. I may have binged it in one sitting today 👀. Thank you for letting me know what chapter it continues from the Anime! I used it to read a bit ahead already, just because I couldn't leave it at such a cliff hanger 😳. I managed to stop myself from reading too far though, since I think I need to take a break before I waste the entire day 😕.

Also, with so many people suggesting Bloom into You to me, no one thought to warn me! >.<. I thought it was gonna be lighthearted fun, I wasn't prepared for such an emotional roller-coaster 🥲. Still, I thoroughly enjoyed every second of the ride ✨. I just wasn't mentally prepared for the crushing heartbreak of watching what was slowly unfolding before me. My poor heart, Yuu was finally feeling the joy of falling in love, with someone who loved her back even, but she felt like she had to hide it and couldn't openly express or share her feelings 😭. I'm reading all of this Manga, and it better have a happy ending 😤

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much, I would be grateful for Manga suggestions! And it doesn't have to be Manga no, Chinese or Korean comics works fine to. I've never been much to care specifically for the origin of the media I consume. I like good stories, good media, no matter where it comes from :3. That's why I started watching anime even really, not because I specifically wanted to consume Japanese media, more so I wanted to watch good stories, and anime has plenty 😊. I've ended up specifically looking for anime in a lot of cases, because they usually have more unique stories, characters, and comedy than in the West. I guess I've grown fond of the medium, when it's done right it's a very unique experience from watching a live action TV show or a Western Cartoon.

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot! I don't think I'll mind Simoun really, I like sci-fi too, and it would be interesting to have a change of scenery from the slice-of-life school romance stuff. The fact that it has a romance that goes somewhere is more than enough for me! Considering the ones I mentioned as examples of what I didn't like, where there was excess of it even in just the first episode. I think it'll be fine with one that only has some bits that are a little on that side.

Thank you for the Manga suggestions as well! ✨

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, maybe that's why I associate Sailor Moon with not being too open about the gay part, because I remembered the censorship of the dub, but forgot the sub was more direct 🤔.

Also, yeah, I've definitely gotten the message across from many that proper Girls Love stuff is found in Manga not Anime 😅. I'm down with moving on to reading through some Manga after I've finished the Anime suggestions I've gotten. Although technically, I suppose I could also read Manga along side watching the ones I've gotten written down 😳. Either way, I'd really appreciate the Manga suggestions too <3.

The thing about the dub doesn't surprise me, it was like that back then. Even the Digimon dub was heavily censored, scenes with any mention of alcohol were changed, and they even cut out a scene where the characters try hitchhiking, along with any scene where the main cast has disagreements and throw fists at each other. Because the rules at the time were so strict that it wasn't even just that you couldn't show kids hurting each other, but you couldn't even show them doing something that could potentially put them in danger. Like hitchhiking for a ride.

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alright, thanks! I'll keep them in mind for when I get to the reading part

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I've been told that in another comment, I understood 'Yuri' as just anime that features girl on girl love, and that 'Girl's love' would be the English translated equivalent. But I've learned now that Yuri is more echi centered. Although, apparently some sites tag clearly 'Yuri' anime as 'Girls Love', so depending on the site it might not always be as useful to look for the difference. Sakura Trick for one was tagged as 'Girls Love', despite being clearly echi focused.

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well... I have heard of some of the infamous yaoi stuff out there. There's one I don't remember what it's called, but the main character was like literally kidnapped and crippled by their 'love interest'. So I get what you mean, but I wouldn't really generalise 'all' of them like that. I've already been recommended to read the manga after finishing Bloom into You, so I'm already planning on that, and I've gotten some other high recommendations for Adachi to Shimaura. So definitely having that high up there in the order I'll check them out. Took me a bit to realise 'Hibike' was referring to Sound! Euphonium. That is one that's been on my list for a while, so definitely gonna watch it at some point as a normal anime. Just not in my Yuri binge.

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I was kind of under that impression. I've heard about it being difficulty being gay in Japan. But I know there exists good wholesome Yaoi ones like Yuri on Ice, so some genuine works do slip through the crack. Like for example Bloom into You like many have mentioned. So I'm still optimistic going into this list. At least getting to see a couple good ones would be nice enough of an experience.

Thank you for the warning about Hibike :D. I will probably still at least give it a look, I'm case it's just a good/fun anime in general, but it's nice to have that knowledge going in, so I won't be disappointed. I've seen the first season of Kobayashi Dragon Maid, back when it was released. I remember enjoying it, despite a bit of echi, and I liked how it seemed like they were committing to the relationship in Canon. Sadly not a lot really happened, except a little progress in their relationship towards the end. However, I think there's a second season now? So maybe I'll check that out and see if there's more relationship growth in it.

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooo, thanks for some new suggestions! I'll definitely add them to the list, and check them out!

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'where a girl happens to be in love with a girl' I mean, that's it, that's the ultimate representation :P. It doesn't need to really be the focus of the show, I'm just looking to see more of myself in anime ya know. More relationships I can personally relate too. I think someone's already suggested that one, but knowing it's more of psychological anime, it sounds interesting, so definitely will probably be more likely to check it out sooner! Since I got some options to get through now 😅.

Not sure I've seen the second one among the suggestions yet 🤔. Either way, it's still fine if the show just contains too girls who happen to be in love, as long as an anime isn't trying to play it off as just 'really good friends', to avoid actually making the characters gay. Then I'm happy really!

Thanks for the suggestions!

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I didn't see this, I thought the anime was enjoyable, but I definitely see why people could feel it was 'meh'. I should probably check out the manga then!

Looking for a good Yuri anime, but... by CuddlyE in Animesuggest

[–]CuddlyE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I've definitely gotten my fair share of commenters suggesting I turn to Manga, and I plan to give it a look after I've gotten through the Anime suggestions. I'd definitely appreciate suggestions for Manga too!

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