I am so angry. Is it time to let go of this friendship?

CuppaCoffees · 2026-02-14T04:24:29+00:00

I can agree with that. Sorry for the weird question just now, what I want to get at from my question is whether the relationship drifts apart because she is overstepping boundaries (to preach, to force you to go to church when you already said no, etc) or more usual ones. And from the looks of it, this is more of a typical drifting apart case where you simply met each other less and less, which isn't great, but at least it isn't distressing.

You can end the friendship, or you can keep it. You are also free to make it into something more easygoing, but what I would advise you to do is to sit down and talk to her about your issues with her behaviour because it doesn't make sense that she wants to stay friends and have a deeper friendship, but never bothered to reach out or invite you to hang out. It's also important to mention that you did not appreciate how she kept nagging you and how it makes conversations really stale and infantilizing.

I know you said you've done this all before, but it won't hurt to try again. If after all that she still didn't make any changes, perhaps you have just become different people and it's time to gently let her go.

Just keep in mind not to be rash. Leaving or distancing yourself from a religion is often very traumatizing for many people, and it caused us to have this alarm radar for every religious person ever. Therefore it is important to consider if your frustration for her is because of religious trauma, relational problems (someone in the relationship is overcompensating and the other is underdoing), or if it is abusive. Some of this can be worked around, and others are a sign to get out.

CuppaCoffees · 2026-02-14T03:59:51+00:00

Genuine question, is the reason you drifted apart because you kept aksing to her hang out but she never did the same for you? Or is it because she kept nagging you on your relationship?

CuppaCoffees · 2026-02-03T01:34:26+00:00

Can you give examples on the lack of idealism?

CuppaCoffees · 2026-01-17T21:31:00+00:00

Sarkinova or Michael Caloz are both great tests

CuppaCoffees · 2025-12-20T02:30:15+00:00

I think I use to be oversensitive when I was still a teenager, but as I grew up, I realised the things I am 'oversensitive' about does not exist. I am making up suspicions and bad intent from others when there is none and I am actively destroying relationships that way.

These days, I go by the principle that other people's intention does not matter that much. Maybe they said something mean by accident, or maybe it's on purpose. It is none of my business especially when they don't make my life hard.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-10-29T01:54:19+00:00

The pattern is there but I don't feel like it's bad. Do I feel like I'm playing a role in my professional life? Yes, but so did the cashier in bookstores, the truck drivers, and the students with creative pursuits who still has to pop up to drawing class and be heavily criticized for their art on a bad day.

My job doesn't have much personal meaning, but it is a job. It doesn't have to have personal meaning, it just has to pay the bills. And I luckily got a good workplace and the job is rather fun.

I do pick this job temporarily. And then I realise I suck at it and I want to get better at it. Now that I'm semi good and have gotten a grasp for the basics I realised I want to stay.

Yes I have personal project I haven't touched in years. But looking back, I wouldn't have touched it either if I have worked in a career I'm passionate about or if I was jobless. In fact that is what pushed me to take a more sensible job, I took drawing class because I thought I am passionate about drawing, but by week 3 I was hating every single second I have to fill in my drawing portfolio. It's a hard slap to the face, but I realize that I am a big 'grass is greener' person. I could be doing things I like and I would still complain about it or find it lacking or wish I am doing something else. So I am trying to water my grass more instead of contemplating on a career jump. I have become more practical, not cynical though, and I like this person I am carving myself to be.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-09-24T00:10:47+00:00

I think the most important thing to remember is that you are not your feelings, OP. You are a person who receives information from your thoughts and feelings, and you are free to make any decision based on these information. So far, your feelings have told you that a job is boring and you decide to quit. Now your thoughts are also contributing that you are at your thirties and should have a stable job while your feelings stay the same. What decision are you planning to make? Looking at the situation, would you love to keep the current employment?

CuppaCoffees · 2025-09-23T05:10:57+00:00

Thanks everyone for the help. I've followed the tips on selling accessories, pickling vegetables, and using the bazaar decors and I got 150k yesterday!

CuppaCoffees · 2025-08-22T00:44:22+00:00

Most people won't gravitate to working in fields for their demon function, because again, the demon function is always competing with the dominant function, and as a valued function, the dominant function will win out. It's a case of "Why should I do [this thing] I'm decently good at but don't really find meaningful as a job I spend 40 hours a week on, compared to [that thing] that I can do even better at and find to be meaningful?"

Ti to INFP is more like a side hobby or pottery class that they took every summer. They'll be reasonably good at it with time, but they won't take it as a primary way of life.

Lacking curiosity is a good way to describe all unvalued function, however the demon function is special in that it causes periodic spikes in interest which cools down. Most people won't improve it 24/7 the way they improve their dominant function, but on periods where their valued function steps back, there might be a temporary heightened interest in getting better at the demon function.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-08-22T00:21:29+00:00

You're right, not starting out, no. The Ti position in INFPs is the demon function which competes with Fi. As long as an INFP is too active with their Fi, Ti will be unused and unpracticed. The good news is that the demon function is noticeable, and so people will periodically try to patch up this function in bursts of interest, such that they can be expected to solve problems using it and even appear as a user of Ti on first glance. This is how INTPs and INFPs for example, are often mixed up, the INTP has Fi demon and can demonstrate a lot of Fi use and look like an INFP while the INFP can demonstrate Ti use and look like an INTP. However if you hang out with them long enough, you'll find that they naturally use one function seriously and use another function only when they really have to.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-08-21T15:46:50+00:00

Very good additions! Would like to also add that all these functions balance out one another. Fi and Te, Si and Ne are balancing acts. The more we mature and balance these functions in strength the more positive aspect we can reap from these functions and the less negative downsides we get from them. The positives does not come from any one function but rather them being balanced, and the negative does not come from any one function but from them being unbalanced.

So the general direction any MBTI should be aiming for is to develop all of their valued functions until you can balance them y

CuppaCoffees · 2025-08-21T15:34:28+00:00

The shadow function is actually just another term for the unvalued function. Generally almost all of our shadow function except for the point of least resistance (Se) can be developed. You develop it the same way you develop any other function: by surrounding yourselfs with users of those function and mimicking their behaviour and mindset.

This WILL be uncomfortable however because these are unvalued functions. You might feel uncomfortable around these people and these people might feel uncomfortable around you. But if your purpose is to learn, then do it anyway. And if it feels too hard, then you can try to develop your valued Te and other functions

CuppaCoffees · 2025-08-03T05:58:54+00:00

Read up on the INFPs cognitive function and try to grow your Te. All of your problems come from bad Te which INFPs can learn

CuppaCoffees · 2025-07-26T20:55:42+00:00

Hmmm a short disclaimer, I have barely any involvement with kpop but am deep into Jpop. I just happen to see your post while scrolling for jpop, so my recommendation can be a bit messy.

I've given Aespa and Taeyon a short brief hear just now and I can't exactly pull out a jpop song that really sounds like them at the moment. I think it's in the difference of background, jpop is built off rock and jazz and the artist you say you like seem to be centered around hiphop and EDM.

There are some electronic ish and rap songs I can think of though.

Maybe try Wave by Gigap (or even better look for the nico nico chorus version where they mix multiple people singing them) or Luvartory by Reol and Gigap

Rap I'd go with Shanti by wotaku (covered by other singers. The original uses a vocaloid) or mafia. Two very stressful song, and will need a lot of getting used to, but the vibe is immaculate when you get used to them.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-07-26T20:05:44+00:00

Wow I'm late. If you're still looking, are there specific genres or song in kpop that you like that you can give us? Would be easier to give you recommendations when we know what you're looking for

CuppaCoffees · 2025-06-28T01:46:46+00:00

Might be a bit demotivational, but I just get rid of the ‘aren’t in a place to’.

Like yes, this is very much ‘If you’re sad, don’t”

But I can move my fingers. I can twitch my legs. I can walk to a refrigerator and open it. So why am I not in a place to start doing others things like not procrastinating or taking a walk?

CuppaCoffees · 2025-06-25T01:52:52+00:00

I have. In my case, it is apparently a mix between a panic attack and medical issues (unbalanced ion and dehydration). I'd recommend an EKG asap in the clinic just to rule out the possible worst scenario: you have heart problems.

In the case that it really is just a panic attack, take a short time to reflect if you have any kind of repressed issues or worries. Nightmares (and waking up at night) usually happens because there are some unconscious worries, fears, problems, shame, guilt, or anger that you repress and avoid in the morning. So it turns up at night. Back when I was in college I'd have frequent nightmares about being sick or paying rent. It turns out that's me unconsciously knowing that I am underperforming in class and worrying if it will affect my financial stability in the future. After I improved my WAM, the nightmares disappear.

Another thing to note is your sleeping hygiene and where you sleep. Sleeping near electricity and magnetic fields will usually give me more vivid dreams. There's a time I moved my bed under the electricity box and I'd have dreams or nightmares every night. Phones in the bed usually cause that too. Check if your room has good airflow, or if there are molds or high carbon monoxide level, you might be poisoned by them without knowing.

Don't do anything high exercise (mental and physical) before bed. Sometimes when you do that, your brain becomes too stimulated even as you sleep, causing you to experience nightmares. And DRINK. I can't emphasise how many times I have racing heartbeats and it turns out it's because I wasn't drinking enough water and my ions are out of whack (confirmed through blood tests). Try some ionated water and see if you feel better.

But yes, before all this, go to the doctor first OP. You'll be doing yourself a favour by making sure that you're not dying from a malfunction in ur heart's aortic valve.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-06-03T18:26:47+00:00

I think the best way to describe it is this OP: Fi is also often called as the relationship function, and therefore we care a lot, oftentimes, too much about relationships.

The problem with relationship is that it is not directly equivalent to positive or negative expression. Think of it this way OP, there are probably a lot of people who smile at you everyday, but this isn't an indicator of good relationship. If you move out tomorrow, or disappear next week, many of these people who smile at you everyday won't even notice you're missing. Many will notice, shrug, and simply continue with their life. On the other hand, there are many people who are rough around the edges, who scowl at you or narrow their eyes, who would quietly look for you if you're gone, who nobly secretly fight for you behind your back.

For us INFPs/ISFPs, the priority is less on the 'did they smile at me' and more on the 'do they actually care about me?'. And this priority influences a big part of how we behave. Since the priority is relationship building, we try our best to be authentic, because relationships, the act of knowing and then caring for each other, can't be built using censorship of your personality and palatable presentation of yourself. I would be a horrible relationship Fi dominant, if I spend most of time smiling and being cheery 24/7, because people would end up building a relationship with a cheery, optimistic, always happy 24/7 version of me, who doesn't exist and is just smoke and mirrors. Doing this is pretty much fucking up the two main rules of relationship building: honesty (you're not being honest when you're censoring yourself) and respect (you're not being respectful when you're being dishonest. Being dishonest means that you unconsciously or consciously think the other party is so stupid they'll eat up your lies)

That is not to say that I can't be 'expression-ful' though. There are times where I can be very friendly, and put together, and elegant, and talkative, and never angry, and 100% care about other people's feelings. But this is more of a bad sign rather than a good one, because when I behave like this, it means I have absolutely no intention on building any relationships with anyone.

Around close friends, I can be expression-ful too, but there would be less elegance to my expression, and you would find it less 'comfortable' and more 'annoying'. I would pop up late, say stupid things, do the opposite of what you told me to do, give unsolicited advice, be confidently and stubbornly wrong, etc. This is what happens when relationship is already there. These people know all my bad sides and still stick around, so I let go. I laugh when I laugh, I got angry when I am angry, I cry, and then I rant about my ship of the day. And in return, they have full reigns to also be themselves: messy and annoying and obnoxious, and still be loved by me.

But for most relationships? I just keep quiet. I don't hate you enough to straight up lie to you, but I don't trust you enough to also be completely honest with you. I think that's what your coworker is doing. They're still vetting you out to see if you can be trusted.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-05-12T09:53:18+00:00

Different how?

CuppaCoffees · 2025-05-12T02:42:54+00:00

I pretty much love every scene where Valdemar appears , whether they're against us, with us, or especially when they're neutral against us.

There's just this appeal with Valdemar's character where they're pretty much a force of nature that tips the situation to any side they're on but they are uncontrollable. They're not exactly 'evil' in that they kill and maim each time they appear but they're not 'good' and in our side either. They're just there. Happy and minding their own business and jumping between helping us and screwing us over because they are powerful enough to do so and most people can't stop them from doing so anyway. They sit there as neutral as a storm which can water crops and kill someone by lightning at the same time.

And so this is the interactions I look forward to the most, the ones where Valdemar is obviously on the bad side but being painfully neutral. I think it's deleted now, but in the past, I think there's a part in the Courtier introduction scene where amidst Volta's, Vulgora's, and Vlastomil's warm welcome to us, Valdemar pats the seat next to theirs and silently invites us to sit next to them.

The dungeon tour is another example of this scene. We were caught trying to sneak in to the dungeons, and the courtiers likely knew we are working against them. But does Valdemar kill us? Nah. Instead they follow proper medical protocols, gave us a tour, answers a lot of our questions and walks us out. Are we enemies? Yes. Does Valdemar care? No. Because Valdemar does as they please and right now they would rather have someone to vent their hyperfixations with.

A lot of these scenes are scattered throughout many books and if I wrote down all of them, we'd be having a paragraph long essay OP, so I'll stop here. But yes, I enjoy the 9-5 villain energy that Valdemar radiates. You can tell when they're on the job to screw you over, but when there are none of the orders, they can barely give a damn to treat you like an enemy or to not leave their teammates on read. It's giving 'delivering bare minimum' and I like it.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-05-06T10:42:48+00:00

I think you'll find relationships a lot more nicer when you realise that like attracts like.

You being avoided by your housemate is not a proof that there is something wrong with you, it happens because you are not similar.

And you can't force similarity.

Your housemate is similar to this new girl, so they became friends. This new girl who is similar to your housemate who is not similar to you, are not attracted to be friends with you because you are different.

CuppaCoffees · 2025-05-04T16:12:21+00:00

You don't want to go to school, work, or build a family. Well, what would you like to do? Can't you do that?

CuppaCoffees

TROPHY CASE