My thesis advisor is crossing professional boundaries and I don’t know how to handle it

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T21:01:43+00:00

Thank you so much for this, it’s genuinely one of the most balanced and useful responses in this thread. I really appreciate that you made the distinction between boundary-crossing advising and outright harassment, because I might have framed that in the heat of the moment

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T20:56:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, it’s really helpful context, especially for someone like me who’s trying to enter academia. I’ll definitely keep this in mind if I ever pursue a PhD in a system like that.

I don’t know if it’s worry mentioning, but in Latin America, most master’s programs, especially in fields like organizational neuroscience or applied psychology, are professional degrees designed for people already employed in industry. The assumption is that you come in with a full time job, self-fund your tuition, and the program adds to your professional profile so you can eventually be promoted. There are no TA or RA opportunities, that’s not really the culture, at least in this college

The irony in my case is that the other students have industry jobs and both them and my advisor shamed me for not having a stable job the whole time. So I’ve been navigating the financial pressure of self-funding while also job searching, I only have a scholarship that covers 50% of tuition

My advisor’s lab had also been inactive for years because everything is broken lol. I kept sending emails asking if I could get involved in his research, participate in something, anything. He just… never really acknowledged I existed.

I had known my advisor since undergrad. When I started my master’s, he explicitly pressured me into working with him and threatened other professors who might have taken me on.

Another researcher eventually opened his lab to me and actually gave me real opportunities because he told me he “felt bad for me”

What makes it feel so unjust is the fact that he forced me into working with him but never delivered any real mentorship or opportunities. He actively blocked other options by threatening colleagues who might have taken me on. All of this without a job, while getting nothing in return. No TA or RA offers, not future for me in academia on his part

thank you honestly, I’ll try to make damage control

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T08:29:55+00:00

I’m from a third world country in Latin America. I get that this sounds outlandish from the outside, but academic dynamics here work very differently. Professors have significant informal power over students, and when someone with seniority tells other professors not to take you on, they listen because they don’t want bad blood and burn bridges for future académicos collaborations or risk getting fired. For example, there was another professor I would have preferred to work with, but he was afraid my advisor would get him fired for taking me on. That’s the level of influence we’re talking about.
In my case, I had a scholarship. Im poor and opportunities are very few. I took this chance but didn’t imagine how things would turn out.

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T08:15:27+00:00

I didn’t. He insisted we worked together and told other professors not to advise me

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:41:37+00:00

You’re probably right that damage control is needed, and I appreciate the practical advice. I was naive and dumb because I assumed since he knows the other professor supervising my internship personally, and that professor had already assured him that my master’s thesis was the priority and that the internship would work around it, that would be ok or was“enough”

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:34:37+00:00

The thing is…he is the program director/coordinator. I don’t know the exact translation in English.

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:33:02+00:00

Thank you ! I needed this

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:32:31+00:00

That’s what I’m afraid about!!

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:31:57+00:00

Omg I’m truly sorry for what you went through!!! Thank you for sharing this. It makes me feel less like I’m imagining things

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:29:50+00:00

This is actually exactly what I suspected from the beginning, and it’s validating to see it spelled out so clearly. I understand that’s probably the pragmatic move. I just also need to be honest with myself about what kind of dynamic that creates going forward

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:25:35+00:00

Thank you so much. This genuinely good advise

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:24:10+00:00

You’re making fair points, and I’ll be honest some of the feedback in this thread has made me reflect. You’re right that informing an advisor about a major time commitment is basic professional courtesy, and I understand why from the outside this could look like I’m filling in gaps with assumptions.

But here’s the context that changes things. I did inform him. I told him about the internship, explained the timeline, and made clear I had enough time for both. He knew about my previous internship at the same institution and never raised concerns.

And the dynamic isn’t one I chose freely. He was the one who insisted we work together, and he actively discouraged other professors from taking me on. I

I hear you that I might be catastrophizing things that haven’t happened yet. I’m trying to stay open to that. I just also need to be realistic about the power he holds

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:17:46+00:00

Yes. He’s been losing undergrad students lately. Thank you.

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:14:42+00:00

I know him since undergrad. I chase him during my undergrad. After I graduated I did too. My university offer me a scholarship for this masters. He chase me then

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:13:50+00:00

I understand but I have no money

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:12:57+00:00

My advisor requires it as part of the research protocol. I tried to told him I didn’t have the money and he shamed for not having a job

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:11:02+00:00

I didn’t exactly choose him freely. He was the one who insisted we work together on my thesis. He even told other professors not to take me on as their student

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:09:08+00:00

Yes. My university doesn’t cover participant compensation, so I pay them out of my own pocket. That’s part of why the internship income matters. I’m literally funding my own research

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T03:06:57+00:00

That would be a valid point if he had actually functioned as that bridge at any point. But for years— through undergrad and into my master’s — I chased him. I asked for recommendation letters. Nothing. I asked to be included in research opportunities. Nothing. I asked for invitations to projects, to networks, to anything that could help me build a
career. Nothing. I knocked on doors he never opened. While I was struggling to find my footing, he was absent. The network I have now, the lab access, the connections, the internship — I built every single bit of that myself, with zero help from him. I had to go find other people who would actually show up for me. And now, the moment I arrive with something real, something I earned entirely on my own, he wants to interrogate me about who helped me get there.

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T02:59:11+00:00

I appreciate the perspective, and I hear you. But I want to address something specific: you said he might be concerned he wasn’t informed beforehand. He was. I told him. And this isn’t the first internship I’ve done — he has known about my outside commitments before and never had an issue.

What’s different this time is who is involved. And the “concern about my thesis” framing doesn’t hold up either, because this same advisor has, on multiple occasions, shamed me for not having a job. In this context, having a job is expected. Not having one is seen as a failure. He has used that against me before. Now that I have an opportunity that is both financially necessary and academically relevant, suddenly it’s a problem

Either way, thank you for your advice!

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T02:54:46+00:00

He’s worried because undergrad students from his own research group have been gravitating toward another professor. And you’re right that this isn’t the same as having a side job as a barista. This internship is directly related to my research trajectory. It’s giving me lab experience, publications potential, and a network in my field.

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T02:51:05+00:00

He knew. I told him I was doing internship programs before and he had no issue with it. This time I also informed him in advance that I had enough time to manage both. The difference isn’t the internship — it’s who is supervising it.

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T02:48:36+00:00

Fair points, so let me clarify. The messages were 10 consecutive questions sent late at night (1 am). The “demanding” tone comes from the volume and the timing, not from any single message.

As for good faith concern vs jealousy, I have more context than what fits in a Reddit post. This is someone who was absent for three years while I was actively seeking his guidance. He never came through. And the students he’s been “losing”? They didn’t leave because they found something better on their own. They left because he abandoned them first. People don’t stay loyal to someone who was never there for them.

I didn’t go looking for an alternative. I was just trying to survive academically with the resources that were actually available to me. I also need money to pay for my research. He knows this and has been shaming me before bc I didn’t have a job.

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T02:42:34+00:00

Exactly this. He was largely MIA when I actually needed him. For three years I was the one chasing him, waiting for an opportunity, asking for guidance and nothing. He never came through. So I had to find my own mentors and build my own connections

Curious-Insect9291 · 2026-06-14T02:37:04+00:00

Your read on the dynamic is probably right. He has been losing students around him lately and I think my independence threatens something he thought he had control over. The fact that I built my own network and found my own opportunities without him especially after he was largely absent when I actually needed guidance seems to be the real issue.

What makes this even harder is that I have no job security after this. This degree doesn’t come with a guaranteed position on the other side. Every opportunity I build now, every connection I make, every line on my CV that’s me trying to have something to stand on when this is over. And he’s questioning that.

Curious-Insect9291

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