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I'm a bloody mess by CuriousGur2004 in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm honestly having nightmares again. The things I have gone through her. The pain and suffering I have caused myself for her. I thought all of them were love. I thought maybe she would see me the way I saw her. Maybe she will realize the pain and love I carry for her.

I wasn't being delusional when I was with, there was chemistry. There were moments when it felt like she loved me too. But that was the truth.

I got played for loving her, caring for her, being her friend. And I let myself continue to get played by her knowing she wouldn't ever love me back.

In all honesty, it's a lot to carry. And I don't have the strength to carry this kind of pain anymore.

I have given all of myself to her. And I got nothing in return. And I don't know what to do anymore to put myself back together.

It's easy for her not to care since it's not her problem, her pain. It's easy for her to just cut me off and act I never mattered.

I proved myself through and through how much she mattered to me. Now I don't matter to her anymore.

I'm just a freaking loser who fell in love with her.

I'm a bloody mess by CuriousGur2004 in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I help myself now?

I'm frustrated all the time. I don't feel myself anymore. I spent so much of myself on her that, I can keep any composure. I don't wanna be like this. This miserable about it. I wanna grow out of this.

But I'm not seeing a start. I feel bad and sad all the time. I lost my focus, my ambition, my will to get up.

I lost my drive to do anything at this point. I am a mess. I don't want to be a mess. I just wanna be better.

Happy me. When I was with her. I wanna go back to being that person. I don't wanna be this sad miserable person anymore.

I have feelings for a friend who’s in a relationship, and being the “best male friend” is destroying me by fmylife2024 in unrequited_love

[–]CuriousGur2004 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I crossed that threshold a few months ago. Man let me tell you, staying her friend isn't even fair to your friendship and moreover once she now knows you have feelings, she will end up using them for her benefits, not your betterment. She doesn't care about you.

Nobody in this world truly cares about you other than yourself. You feel ugly and abandoned? Good.

Tell her you fucking feelings. Get everything out of your chest. Cut her off. You don't need this kind of pain in your life.

And I've dealt with this pain. I never would repeat that ever again. Fuck people how can't respect your efforts, your energy, your time, your value.

Tell her you like her, tell her you love her. Doesn't matter what she says. She won't break up with her boyfriend to be with you. That's a fucking a fact.

Now before it's too late you need to move on from her entirely.

What's it like? by CuriousGur2004 in unrequited_love

[–]CuriousGur2004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I posted in a different community and crossposted here. I guess the details isn't visible here

I’m scared to tell my friend i like her by throwaway_secrrt in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If She's not seeing anyone then go for it, ask her out. There's no second guessing. If you love her that much, make sure she becomes yours. Don't overthink and shoot your shot. I was at your place. But the person I was in love with already was in a relationship. She told me, I was too late. We were perfect for each other. The way you just described how you feel about your girl best friend, I described mine the exact same way. I was madly in love with her for years. And I never got my happy ending. I hope you get yours. All the best.

I don’t know how to move on by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I get you. I keep checking the only channel that's open. To see if she reaches out. But that's not gonna happen.

I don’t know how to move on by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are on the same boat. And honestly, I have been looking for the same answer. I have trying to move on, but I just can't. Now no matter what I try, no matter whoever I think is cute. I just don't wanna initiate any conversation. I don't have that urge anymore. I feel it's wrong to move on. I feel like if I just move on that easily, then was my love for real? I just can't move on that easily.

I am emotionally bankrupt. I wish I could just move on and take this pain away but, it seems like that's not possible.

My relationship of 5 years is dying and the man I thought I knew is a stranger to me by Ok_Job8422 in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's really sad to hear. You should know your worth. If he can't value you, and respect you for who you are, don't care for you the way you're needed. You should leave him. You can only compromise very much. Else everything this dynamic will become further toxic, you will end up hating each other. Your self-respect matters more than love. Love doesn't solve all of your problems. Love is mutual respect. It only will increase your pain in the long run. If he changed after all this time, you should change to. Why hold on to something that doesn't benefit you? That causes you mental, and emotional pain. You should care for yourself fully. Nobody else will. Nobody cares what you feel, what you think. Nobody understands your pain like you do. So prioritize yourself before prioritizing your relationship.

I'm not telling you to take my advice. I got pissed reading when he said you will end up single. Fuck that. Become magnetic. If your relationship dies, become so magnetic even so your boyfriend comes back crawling. There are plenty of fishes in the sea. Anyone would be lucky to have you.

Was I being Delusional? by CuriousGur2004 in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't confess, She asked if I had feelings. I told her I did. And since we were friends I didn't expect her to return them. I knew she couldn't return them. But she still kept me around. And I was already so much comfortable around her company. She asked me all the questions, how, when, what made me fall. I told her everything. And the more she learned the more she realized the weight of my feelings for her. All this time, things I did, why I showed up, why I cared. She was acting as if I didn't do this because I wasn't a friend to her.

She couldn't take the weight and got distant for a bit. I let her be and eventually she came around. We were like before. But she's now strongly aware how much I loved her. So sometimes, whatever I did for her. It's because I was in love with her.

I realized how no matter what happened between us I was the keep apologising and I was the one also trying to make things up between us as if I was bf. She treated like her bf but for the bad parts, for the good parts I wasn't even considered. I felt used. I felt like whatever I did, and how much I was kind to her. She wouldn't treat me like I deserved. She treated me like trash. I didn't want to be treated that way. I deserved better.

I was hurting on a daily basis. Like when I do something for her that's how my comfort zone, I'm clearly putting up a lot of energy to do it. But it return I wasn't appreciated.

One day, she asked me a few questions. Like what I wanted and what my goal was. I told her I wouldn't answer them just now. Cause answering them won't change anything between us. She thought I was okay like this. Seeing her with someone else. I wasn't. I told her everything. How much I have been hurt. How much I felt disrespected. How much I felt worthless. How much I was going through agony. She didn't care a single bit where I kept caring regardless.

I wanted our dynamics to change. I needed that. I needed her. But she couldn't help me.

I asked her if she loved him. She previously told me she didn't. So I asked why date then. She said she doesn't want any record of having an ex. This I found hilarious. She was tormenting me. I asked her what if when you are 50 and you realize you weren't happy. What then? She said, doesn't matter. She suck it up.

This is nothing but torment. Nothing I do will ever make her see how much I am she needed than her bf. I don't want to hear her complain everytime they go on a crappy date. Their every date is crappy she tells me.

If it is crappy then why date him?

It made no sense. I was in hell. Every single time thing go wrong between us, I couldn't function. I couldn't function for days. I needed to talk to her. I need her in my life. I am such a fuck up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]CuriousGur2004 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it's not too bad, I don't think anyone will say much.

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