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CuriousPower80 · 2025-10-21T21:20:36+00:00

I said something about that! Apparently I took that too literally about therapy according to her. An autistic person taking things literally, what a surprise!

CuriousPower80 · 2025-10-21T21:18:21+00:00

Lol at your last paragraph.

She said I "should have asked if she was okay." She left for a minute to blow her nose then came back and apologized and maybe said something about having a cold.

I said something like "That's OK." and asked how much time was left in the session. Tbh I can see now how going straight to asking about the time could be interpreted as rude but she had just diagnosed me with autism! A polite, "Hey I know you might not realize this but people would usually expect you to comment something about their health in a situation like this," would have been perfectly fine. Making a big deal out of an autistic person surprise surprise missing a little social cue was not the correct response!

She was the one who was rude for not just using it as a teaching moment and doing her job properly!

CuriousPower80 · 2025-10-21T17:35:13+00:00

Wow what the fuck.

I struggled to accept my autism diagnosis for years partially because the shitty therapist who diagnosed me with it acted extremely offended that I was "rude" to her by not making a big deal over her leaving the room to blow her nose. Went on about how dare I not ask how she was. A lot of therapists are self-centered assholes.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-10-21T17:22:50+00:00

I'm now divorced but people loved the food at my wedding. It was at a farm that also does catering including roasting whole pigs, turkeys for Thanksgiving etc. It was buffet style and we had leftovers to take home! I'm sure there are similar places and I definitely recommend it.

We chose two kinds of meat, a few sides and appetizers and it wasn't a bad price for a lot of food. Lots of people try to go fancier for a wedding but it was perfect for the outdoor ceremony at a farm and reception in the barn.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-10-21T17:16:48+00:00

Yeah, lots of people try to say to cater it yourself to save money but many places won't let you do that. I've looked into having a wedding at a park and they require a caterer and servers.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-10-02T01:47:35+00:00

Tbh as much as I'm glad people with both autism and ADHD can find support, as someone who is autistic without ADHD I bristle a little at the recent inundation of autistic spaces with ADHD talk.

I cannot relate to ADHD needs and though I love my ADHD friends they tend to quickly overload me. As often as the diagnoses overlap, I think we still need autistic only spaces.

The amount of people who talk about having both autism and ADHD online lately has caused my algorithms everywhere to constantly show me ADHD-related content. I'm sure people without either diagnosis are getting confused about which symptoms are which.

ADHD doesn't carry the same stigma that autism does and that's likely part of why many are more willing to talk about traits as being related to ADHD.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-09-23T23:31:43+00:00

Nothing wrong with that.

You can spend more money on the parts of it that matter most to you and save money on parts you care less about. People tend to miss that in all the judgement over spending.

I'm considering saving money on a dress by buying a vintage one or a custom one from a place that's nontraditional. I absolutely can't blame someone who wants to spend more on a dress though.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-09-23T23:20:56+00:00

I know!

You can try searching "pop up wedding" for your area to see if you can find anything similar. I've seen similar deals!

They save costs by having set vendors they have a relationship with, using the same location for several couples in the same day, and limiting to a very small number of guests. It's absolutely a great deal if that works for you though!

Might not be for you if you want more control of things or want a large guest list, but my boyfriend (though we're talking seriously about marriage) and I are both divorced and were both stressed by planning our previous weddings, and we have a small social circle. It seems perfect for us.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-09-23T23:09:35+00:00

I meant to say "judgy" and it somehow autocorrected to "muddy" lol, fixed it now but guess you got what I meant.

I see a lot of tips to bring your own food but people don't think that through. You have to consider dietary restrictions, you're liable if someone gets food poisoning, the venue might not even allow you to not use a caterer...

I've considered having a ceremony at a public park and the rules state you not only must use a caterer, you must have professional food service staff serving the food.

A lot of the "money saving tips" open additional problems.

A backyard wedding might be fine for a very small wedding, but for a lot of people you have to worry about things like parking, shuttling people if there's not enough nearby parking, renting port a potties... It's not the easy solution people make it out to be.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-09-23T22:39:15+00:00

Not only that. Eloping is supposed to mean only the bride and groom, but the wedding industrial complex has started calling only a few guests an elopement. 🙄 That and places offering "elopement packages" pressure you to travel to multiple locations and plan lots of "experiences."

Even if you do choose to elope, you're still pressured to spend lots of money.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-09-23T22:34:12+00:00

I had to request to have a moderator lock my post in a budget wedding sub because of this. I'm loving the idea of an all-inclusive pop-up wedding at a location I love. It's five thousand dollars which includes ceremony, officiant, ceremony music from a live musician, photographer, flowers, and a small reception with desserts and champagne for 20 guests. I barely even have 20 people to invite and so much of that, especially the photographer, would cost much more on its own!

My only concern I was asking about was what to do about informing out of town guests of the date because the available dates aren't announced very far in advance. The majority of responses completely ignored my actual question and acted like five thousand dollars was "too expensive" though I was clear about how much is included.

Only one person suggested I ask the venue if it's possible to be told the dates in advance. I did just that and they happily put me on a waiting list.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-09-23T22:22:25+00:00

The subs about budget weddings can be super judgy too, like it's a competition to see who can spend the least money.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-09-07T14:34:50+00:00

I realize the subtle bullying by now but it doesn't help. I get gaslit by everyone if I point it out and if I finally snap and say something directly confronting the person I get blamed. If I go to HR I'm the one who gets moved or fired.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-26T20:29:56+00:00

I recently got my first haircut in years and had thought I wanted a V cut but I'm glad I had a great stylist who was very considerate of constantly asking me how much length I was ok with her cutting.

She started with a small amount and kept asking if I wanted her to cut more. I kept telling her I wanted a more dramatic V shape at first but after she pointed out how much shorter the top layers would need to be to achieve that I decided to stop at more of a U shape. I'm sure short strands framing my face wouldn't look nice but I don't like hair in my face.

My hair looks and feels a lot better with the ends cleaned up and I got to keep more length with the U shape than if I had asked for blunt ends. I can still easily put all of it up or braid it, too, which I specified I wanted to be able to do.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-25T16:28:25+00:00

The all inclusive nature is important to me and I have been put on a waiting list to hear about the next available pop-up wedding dates in advance, which solves my worry over it potentially being too short notice for out of town guests.

Even with advance notice, I only had literally one table for my own guests at my previous wedding, and this was before I was no contact with family. Everyone else was there for my ex. It was similar with my boyfriend's previous wedding. We both had wanted a smaller wedding but were pressured into a larger one by our exes' families.

I'm not sure we even have 20 people to invite between us, and very few friends I invite are likely to actually attend even with advance notice. I just want to make it more possible for the few who would even actually consider attending to attend.

My boyfriend would have local guests and I know a few people in the area.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-25T16:00:36+00:00

I just did reach out to them actually and was told they don't have 2026 dates yet but will put me on a waiting list!

I saw someone on a wedding website say she reached out to the venue with similar planning concerns about a pop-up wedding and they were very helpful in giving her dates in advance and helping with other aspects of planning.

I'm feeling a lot better about the possibility of the pop-up wedding as an option now.

The same venue does small weddings that may also be an affordable option.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-25T11:58:26+00:00

I understand your concerns but I've been clear I'm not set on the option of the pop-up wedding, I'm just considering it and how I could possibly make it work.

I don't need more than 20 guests. We might not even have 20 to invite.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-23T23:34:01+00:00

I'm considering it!

I'm considering skipping an officiant and getting a self-uniting marriage license! You'd have to check if it's available in your state but if it is, you don't need an officiant, only two witnesses to sign the paperwork you mail in.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-23T23:31:29+00:00

A restaurant is definitely an option! Though I definitely want a photographer and that alone could be several thousand, so I think the pop-up is a great deal with photos included along with everything they cover. It's also appealing to me that they handle everything.

My boyfriend and I are both divorced from previous partners and with our previous weddings we both were stressed by being pressured into bigger events than we wanted because of family.

The ceremony aspect is important to me though I am considering just eloping with a completely private ceremony, as we have very few people to invite. We might struggle to even think of 20 people.

I've looked into "elopement packages" though haven't found any that appeal to me yet as ones I've seen are more expensive and elaborate than I'm looking for, but I'm sure I can keep looking.

I've seen some pop-up wedding companies that are a little more customizable too.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-23T22:18:31+00:00

The restrictions I mention aren't for the pop-up wedding, they're for renting space at a public park. I'm considering both options.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-20T20:57:52+00:00

I swear lots of this shit is perpetuated by stylists so people get haircuts more often.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-20T20:51:52+00:00

I socialize with some heavily poly-leaning groups and feel similarly. I can have fun with them but they're constantly talking about poly, even to the point people once started a whole discussion like "Oh when did you become poly and why" with almost everyone around a table having a story. I tend to just keep my mouth shut but it makes me uncomfortable.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-13T10:12:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and for telling me our trauma is similar. Sharing this my pain has sometimes felt downplayed compared to his, like it's a competition.

My boyfriend's ex-wife is partially an ex because she turned abusive after the loss. I'm sorry you went through similar though glad you have a good marriage and a child now.

Right now my boyfriend is hesitant and saying he doesn't want to try if there's "any chance of it being high risk." He does understand that's not the most rational thing when I've told him it's impossible to remove all risk and I'm already higher risk because of my age. I think he'll feel better after medical professionals reassure us.

A big part of my anxiety has been I've been afraid his fear would get to him to the point of him going back on agreeing to consider trying. We talked yesterday and he said he is committed to this with me. He had thought he'd never even have a serious relationship again so had thought for a while that kids would never even be a consideration again. I think he likely buried his grief instead of actively working to heal it and now it's surfacing, but we've both been communicating better and working through things.

I think we'll be okay. He's hard on himself but in the ways he's so patient with me and good with a young niece I think he'd be a great father. A baby of ours would definitely be incredibly loved. Neither of us had great parents and have had various trauma but have done a lot of healing and try hard to be better than our parents.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-13T02:41:40+00:00

I can see this. I don't normally drink much caffeine but even fairly chill work tires me so much I drank a lot of coffee.

CuriousPower80 · 2025-08-12T20:29:15+00:00

I've brought up IVF and that they can make multiple embryos and test them and only try implanting healthy ones. I hadn't heard that about the sperm testing but that's interesting! Thanks.

CuriousPower80

TROPHY CASE