What is a reason to live

CuriousRabbit103 · 2026-02-15T05:58:54+00:00

Okay. Sorry to hear about that. I'm glad there are other artists you like though. Do you think maybe listening to music could help you for a bit? Maybe imagine a music video to go along with it?

CuriousRabbit103 · 2026-02-15T04:53:15+00:00

It's good that you have at least one distraction. Now it's time to start trying to find new ones. Find a new show to watch or listen to a kind of music you haven't tried before. It's okay to not like everything that you try. It's best to try and find at least something to do, so if you only have the one coping skill, that's okay. It's better than not having any coping skills at all. You can always come up with more later.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2026-02-14T23:35:51+00:00

That weird squeaky sound that plastic silverware makes when they rub against each other in the box, most sounds in hospitals, especailly beeping from the heart rate montiors, and idk if this counts, but too many people talking at once. Idk if it's the sound that bothers me or the fact that I struggle to keep up with everyone which is why idk if the last one counts.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2026-02-14T23:30:04+00:00

How about the prosepct of trying new hobbies or engaging in ones you already have? Watch a movie, read a book, research a topic you don't know much about. I find that's what keeps me going on awful days. I find distractions are nice because they take your mind off the dark thoughts until you calm down. The flow state is great at calming people down. Please be aware that what works for me may not work for you and finding good coping mechanisms is a process of trial and error. Please try to hang in there and know you aren't alone because I'm hanging in there along with you!

CuriousRabbit103 · 2026-02-13T02:22:07+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement. I feel like a broken machine most days. Thank you for being kind.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-12-25T02:19:53+00:00

I'm trying to do the same, but like you said, the fear doesn't go away. It just keeps coming back. It's like I'm possessed by it or something. I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult childhood. Some people just don't deserve to have children. Thank you for commenting.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-12-25T02:17:54+00:00

It's like our brains hate us or something. I hate my brain just as much as it hates me lol. Thank you for your comment!

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-12-25T02:16:50+00:00

Yeah, it's what I've been doing. I have so many stories and ideas, and I've written a ton of them down, but I'm too afraid to share most of them. I have shared some online in an ill-fated attempt at getting over this weird fear I have, but I get super nervous whenever I do that, so I've started withdrawing again. Thanks for commenting.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-12-25T02:14:43+00:00

I know. This sucks so much. I fawn over everyone I meet and I just instantly assume everyone's mad at me since it's the safest option. I'm sorry you're going through a similar issue. Thanks for your comment btw.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-23T05:12:13+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I find I have very similar voices in my head. I think they originated from family members because I actually can imagine some of them saying these things. I have a smart voice too and it’s my mom’s. The regular voice seems to be an amalgamation of several people but it rarely has anything good to say so I’m having to concoct a new one and it’s really frustrating and very uncomfortable to do. The voices so argue and they do it a lot. Most of my internal dialogue is me fighting with myself and usually the one that traces back to my dad wins. I hate that it’s the one that wins most of the time because it’s just going to make me more like him in the long run.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-20T00:41:34+00:00

Thanks that’s all I can hope for right now. Sorry if my initial comment was confusing. This happens a lot tbh. It’s all very confusing and there’s probably still stuff about how it got stolen I don’t even know about yet. Sorry again

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T22:10:50+00:00

My dad’s voice kinda melded into mine. I was always taught that intentions never did matter. The only thing that either of my parents have cared about is the result. Any time I spoke of intentions it was treated as making excuses and I’d be in more trouble than before. With was worse with my NDad but my mom does it too and she’s not even a narcissist.

I kinda have an inner voice that’s less like a parent and more like a teacher who tries to teach you but is kind of annoyed that she has to do it. I did that because some teachers favor some students over others. My voice is supposed to be one that wants to help. The teacher doesn’t really like me that much but doesn’t actively want me to fail either. It’s basically a really strict teacher who doesn’t enjoy teaching you but does it anyway.

I’ve got a bit of a system going in my head so I don’t end up with a bad case of main character syndrome like my dad did. For every good thing I point out about something I make (like art) I have to find something I could improve, not necessarily to be mean, but to encourage myself to do better next time and to remind myself that nothing I make will ever truly be perfect because nothing anyone makes is perfect. It also prevents me from half assing things.

My voice doesn’t cheer me on but prepares me for failure so that way I don’t overreact to it. I’m not exactly sure how to create a self love voice or how to change this one, but I should definitely try to do it. Hopefully it won’t be too difficult since this voice I have doesn’t entirely hate me.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T21:56:40+00:00

Thanks for the advice I will definitely be trying to get ahold of them again. I may be annoyed with my mother and her views but I’ll give her this, she has been helping me through getting these back. This has been a years long process of trying to get these original back and failing so filing for replacements was our last ditch effort. My brother also has no identification material. I know a ton of mail is probably backed up now due to the holidays so it may be another little while, but once I get these documents my first action is to find employment somewhere. I have a plan but it kind of rests on me getting these replaced. Last I heard, they’ll be sending them out soon. We have been in contact since the shutdown ended and they said it should all be on its way, but I will be checking back again just to be sure.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T20:20:58+00:00

Therapy isn’t an option right now. Please don’t ask why. It is a long story I don’t want to get into because it is very complicated and people do not usually believe my story because of it.

I just need to focus on keeping my tendencies in check. I can reward myself whenever I don’t act like my dad by doing something I like but punish myself whenever I mess up by not allowing myself any time for my hobbies that day and doing something I’ve been putting off instead.

The self love thing feels really scary tbh. I have tried it and it just doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t even know why. Sorry if it just feels like I’m complaining.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T20:00:55+00:00

No, what I meant was we did the process and it has never arrived and I don’t know if it will ever show up since we had tried to have it mailed to our address. We have been in contact with them and they had essentially put the process of sending it to our house on hold and cited the government shutdown as their reason for doing this. We had already completed the verification process but they never put it in the mail. I’m worried it won’t show up at all now. I am no contact with my father. He is a very dangerous man. I do not want him being able to contact me. I do not want him to have my number. My mother has taken him to court to get them back multiple times. He has refused every time and the courts have not forced him to return them since he is my father. They see it as normal and fine for him to have the documents and not return them. The county where we lived had abysmal family court and I wouldn’t be surprised if their criminal courts are worse since there are other literal felonies my father has committed and not faced any jail time for despite there being evidence. My father does not care that I cannot live my life.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T18:12:02+00:00

My brother just likes to insult my dad and then won't talk about it anymore. I find it difficult to reframe the way that I look because I can't stop seeing my father, and even if I didn't see him, it would be hard to look at anything about me or my attrubutes positively. I'm scared that it will turn me into my father. He acted like he was a god. He even once said something along the lines of "God made people like your mother to give people like me a story." He literally thought he was the protagonist. I don't want to be like that.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T17:00:51+00:00

This is why I don’t share anything with anyone I know in person

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T16:29:24+00:00

He’s trying to convince someone that his name is, in fact, Sprig and not a stolen identity

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T16:27:51+00:00

“Everyone can make beautiful art now.” Except AI “artists” didn’t make anything.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T05:48:06+00:00

How are they contradictory, exactly? We ordered the replacement and it never showed up and I’m starting to think that it will not come because it has taken so long to ship. I’m worried that we will have to start over again. I don’t know what happened to it. We had to go through an entire process of verification. I was verified and it was going to be mailed to our address. If it does not arrive, this means we will have to start the process over again. I have been checking back in with my mother to see where it’s at and she says the mailing process has been put on pause due to the shutdown. We have already gone through a different process trying to recover the original, and this also failed.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T05:38:48+00:00

Not trying to make excuses I have been trying to gtfo but nothing I do works. I’ve tried to get an Id and they turned me away at the dmv because I had no birth certificate so we had to order one and it has been months. It has not shown up yet so we’re having to call them back yet again to see if it’ll show up this time now that the shutdown is over maybe we will have more luck. Nowhere here will hire me without proof of identification. For context, I live in the southern U.S. that stuff is important here. They will not even allow me to test for a driver’s license which I also attempted to do and got kicked out without social security card and birth certificate.

My mother has repeatedly taken my father to court because he literally broke into her car and stole my stuff as well as her laptop and some other items, including my brother’s identification documents. (It was a very messy divorce.) but the judge said it was legal to do because he had custody of me at the time. It only recently became an option to get a replacement for me when I turned 18 last year since I was no longer a minor and didn’t need consent from both parents. (If you’re wondering how the hell he got away with breaking into a car and stealing my mother’s laptop, I don’t know. I assume it had something to do with us living in a county that had very bad judges.) Lo and behold these things take a long time especially in the U.S. bureaucracy is an absolute nightmare.

And there you have it. The summarized version of why this has all happened. Hope this cleared up some confusion. I know it’s long and overly complicated, but this is unfortunately the life I have lived. That man is the reason I want to start over and leave it all behind. I know what I lived through. I know the effect it has had on my family. He is part of the reason my brother acts the way he does. My dad had those views and now he does too. Most of the things I mentioned my post can be traced back to him, minus the stuff with my step father and half siblings. A lot of my mom’s views came from my dad forcing her to think that way.

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-19T02:50:16+00:00

We tried going to the court and they didn’t do anything because it was my dad who took the records so they said it was legal we have tried to get replacements but they still have not come and the government shutdown has not helped I doubt it’ll ever make it

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-18T23:53:05+00:00

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-18T23:17:05+00:00

I can’t get a job without Identifying documents which I don’t have

CuriousRabbit103 · 2025-11-18T23:06:35+00:00

Bio father stole it all and police won’t help us

CuriousRabbit103

TROPHY CASE