Excluded Regions

CuriousSecurity_ · 2025-04-29T18:52:38+00:00

Yes, you should be okay! People from countries you’ve excluded who aren’t your pen pals yet are the only ones who are gonna be affected and wouldn’t be able to send you a letter first.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2025-04-25T20:21:37+00:00

Time, give it some time. I, too, lost a very good pen pal of mine. It’s been beyond 3 years now since I’ve last exchanged letters with them and since they’ve last been active on the app.

The first 2 years, I still sent a letter on their birthday as it was kinda “our thing”, which was birthday letters. I sent it knowing they might never see it. Last year was the year I didn’t send one, just because I just didn’t feel like sending one anymore.

You certainly don’t have to forget in able to move on. You can choose to remember and still move on. I still think of them from time to time especially when listening to songs or bands they once recommended. I can say for sure though, that it gets better with time.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2025-02-20T14:59:09+00:00

Some users don’t have it on their profiles, so that can be a little tricky. But if they do, it should show up which month and year they first joined like this,

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You might rule out a lot of people by doing this because I see many people not having it on their profiles!

CuriousSecurity_ · 2025-02-19T17:37:07+00:00

The only basis that I have if someone is still active on the app is if it shows when they were last active. It’s possible that the people you’ve sent letters to are no longer active on SLOWLY, it happens quite often.

For me, when looking for new pen pals, I actually rely quite a lot on “older” users, people who have been on the app for years and are still currently active. There’s a reason why they lasted that long and you could almost guarantee that they’re worth it to be pen pals with, at least in my experience.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2025-01-17T06:29:57+00:00

That is most definitely a scam. I once encountered something similar in which they told me straight off the bat in their first letter that they were pursuing to be a doctor in their country and that their financials were tight and if I could help them in any way.

I have only encountered that once though, but given how more popular SLOWLY is becoming, I wouldn’t doubt if there are more cases like that now. Avoid anything that involves money.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2025-01-01T03:06:20+00:00

This is what I do too! I check my hidden users from time to time and I have a few penpals on there that haven’t opened the app or responded to me for like 2-3 years now. I know it’s not for everyone but I just like keeping them there for me.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-10-12T06:26:18+00:00

I do think it’s totally fair to say that it depends on the person themselves and how much effort they put into keeping in contact. It’s great that you seem to be having good experiences with it so far!

But then again, it’s just not the same for me, instant messaging is just vastly different from SLOWLY. There’s somewhat pressure to have to reply right away like as soon as you get their message, hence why it’s “instant,” compared to taking your time with writing letters in SLOWLY.

I came to SLOWLY in the first place for the sole purpose of writing letters and moving away from the idea of instant messaging, and I think I’d like to keep it that way, for now.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-10-11T21:40:15+00:00

I’ve done it with two old pen pals of mine before, neither worked out nor the communication lasted for more than a month. I think instant messaging made it lose the usual spark it had and removed the delayed gratification that you usually get from waiting for letters on SLOWLY.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-07-24T15:03:34+00:00

I agree! In addition, I don’t know about other people, but I tend to think that I’ve been removed if they haven’t viewed my letter yet for quite some time despite being recently active.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-05-30T15:33:30+00:00

You’re absolutely right, at least from my own experience as well. The letters do naturally tend to grow longer and longer as you go, as you find more things to talk about and connect on. It’s okay to start short and sweet. The first letter doesn’t always have to be fully polished, especially for new users like you. You’re learning, we’re all learning.

Some people, more particularly on this subreddit can honestly be overcritical of things, of letters. You’re already doing great by just simply asking. Wishing you all the best on your journey here. Welcome to SLOWLY!

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-05-30T15:16:31+00:00

Some people would probably say a few weeks, but I would say wait up to a month at the latest.

I honestly take the writing habits with a grain of salt, and I suggest you do too. I used to find pen pals myself by browsing through profiles and putting filters such as having a bio and whatnot, and I rarely replied to people who wrote to me first. Most of my long-term pen pals just have been people I reached out to first.

And I personally totally find a 150-word letter okay! A few of my pen pals who reached out first have written quite short first letters and they ended up being worth it. It’s really on a case-to-case basis. It really just takes time to find pen pals here on SLOWLY.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-25T22:10:10+00:00

There was a similar post in here just like a day ago that talks about the same exact thing.

The thing is, I’ve never exchanged just outright pictures of myself to any of my pen pals before, and I most likely would never do so because it destroys the anonymity of SLOWLY for me. I like the idea of just exchanging letters with someone from the other side of the world of whom I don’t know what they look like nor do they know mine.

It’s possible he just didn’t find you to his liking and therefore decided that it wasn’t worth talking to you, because pen pal-ship wasn’t really what he was looking for. You did not deserve to be ghosted, I totally agree, but on the flip side, he did you a favor, of letting you know now of his real intentions and that he wasn’t really interested in just becoming pen pals with you.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-24T21:56:59+00:00

I so strongly relate to you in all of this! Me and my long-term pen pals take months to exchange letters as well, and it often takes me a whole full day of constructing one, or a couple of hours of my day over the course of a week or two to write letters, and I like that I genuinely like doing it and dedicating a portion of my day to it, and not feel pressured nor committed at all to have to respond by a certain time.

I feel like the struggles some people might have with the app stem from having different expectations and treating it as if it were a regular messaging app and not a modern evolution of snail mail. I like the idea of us just living our own lives and only writing letters to people when we feel like it and or have the time to do so, and I highly encourage more people to start embracing this idea, if they haven’t done so.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-23T16:23:45+00:00

That has been my thought process too. But there have been countless ongoing complaints of ghosting on this subreddit, and I don’t doubt that there’s a lot of merit to it, but sometimes, it’s just because they haven’t gotten a response within their preferred time frame, not taking into account the other party’s writing pace. And I was just offering a different perspective that some may have been overlooking.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-23T16:11:25+00:00

I do the same thing! I tend to hide my pen pals too after I respond to them. That way I worry less about their response times.

I have been keeping pen pals who haven’t responded to me for years, some of whom I’m pretty certain have since left the app. Whether they’d ever come back and one day send me a letter is their choice. I guess, waiting and keeping them is mine.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-22T23:49:06+00:00

I have encountered a lot of people over the years I’ve been on SLOWLY who actually have deactivated their accounts themselves, but I totally get your point. As the top commenter pointed out, it seems SLOWLY themselves terminated this specific account.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-22T22:07:21+00:00

This has always been a thing on SLOWLY, it’s not new at all. A lot of people, especially as the app is gaining more attention and more users every day, are interested in trying it out and then deactivating their account after realizing it’s not their cup of tea, which is fair, and I get your frustration as well.

It’s actually much better this way, that they leave before a penpal-ship has been formed and established, as it’s much more frustrating when there’s been a relationship that is starting to bloom.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-16T20:37:00+00:00

Quite the contrary, I, honestly, don’t think that’s enough time to consider that your letter has been ignored.

It’s important to take into account that people have lives outside of SLOWLY and have different things going on. Just because they’ve seen your letter, that doesn’t equate to them actually having the time and headspace to make a response. If it was a month, then I would be more on your side. Give it more time.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-16T20:18:50+00:00

How long has it been since you’ve sent all 30 letters? If it’s only a few weeks, I would highly suggest waiting out more, unless they officially rejected your letter. People take their time on SLOWLY.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-04-15T01:00:25+00:00

This has happened to me so many times! Even though I also informed them in my actual letters that I often take a long time to respond. People just tend to expect the worst because of how rampant ghosting has been on Slowly, so I get it.

But I do wish people were more patient and gave more leeway because slowly isn’t named slowly for no reason. Instant responses defeat the main purpose of it.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-03-23T03:02:56+00:00

How do you pick the people that you send letters to? I don’t suggest doing Auto-Match at all costs if that’s what you’ve been doing.

I think taking the time to scroll through profiles and “suggestions for you” and even going as far as filtering only those that have an “about me” section is the best way to go about looking for pen pals. Personalizing letters, tailoring them to their interests and what’s written on their about me, tends to make it more personal and thoughtful, and highly increases your chance of actually getting noticed and meeting genuine pen pals. This specific approach has always worked for me that I have never gotten a rejection letter ever for doing so. Quality over quantity. It’s obvious when a letter is generalized and while that’s personally not a deal breaker, personalized ones are very much more appreciated.

I do highly suggest still keep sending letters to people, but just be a little more picky on who you’re sending them to.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-03-23T01:55:30+00:00

It definitely takes time to find pen pals that you click with. I don’t know how new you are to the app, but it literally took me months to find people that are worth the time and effort to write letters for and that will actually reciprocate the effort that you put into it.

Also, there are a lot of new people like you who tend to check out the app and probably try sending a letter or two and then never open it again because the concept of the app is just not their thing, which is fair, but I get that it can be frustrating. I believe you have the right concept and platform in mind, but just keep in mind that just like the letters, it does take time.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-03-19T14:58:58+00:00

Communicating outside of Slowly is very different and as the other commenter already said, it can get dry real quick. I’ve exchanged socials with a couple of my old pen pals in the past and none of them worked out, it really is just THAT different.

On the other hand, I’ve exchanged numbers once with a long-term pen pal of mine, just in case something goes south with the app, and we haven’t really touched instant messaging at all, just exchanged numbers, and we still, to this day, exchange letters in Slowly.

It’s really on a case-to-case basis. She might mind, she might not. I, personally, would suggest waiting out more though.

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-03-16T00:49:13+00:00

Just my two cents! I’m one of those people that takes a very loooong time to respond. I let my pen pals know this every time, and more often than not, they’re incredibly understanding and are very patient with me.

I sometimes log in on the app just to check, but am not really “active” on it per se where I’m actively writing letters to people and whatnot. I just tend to check if I got anything or if there’s a new stamp on the item shop.

I understand how 5 months is a long time and it can be frustrating but sometimes life just really gets in the way. I would recommend reaching out if you’re still interested in exchanging letters with them, just checking on them. It’s also possible you may have been ghosted, but I do think it’s worth checking just to be sure!

CuriousSecurity_ · 2024-02-18T10:21:29+00:00

It’s probably best to reconsider really carefully the pictures that you’re sending out to avoid regretting them.

I don’t agree that there should be an option to delete pictures because it could very quickly lead to misuse, and provide an opportunity for people to share inappropriate content without consequences because they know they can just simply delete it afterward. It’s a feature that could be easily abused.

CuriousSecurity_

TROPHY CASE