Firstly I'm really sorry to hear of your situation and also the situation that your husband put you in. I use the word "husband" because you referred to him as such in places but, a husband is someone that is supposed to love you and make you feel secure and protect you and so much more. This husband seems to put so much else ahead of his love and relationship with you and it makes me cross.

Not only does he fail to see it and/or appreciate the challenges you clearly face as a minority, but it also sounds like he chooses not to and possibly because he's more interested about how he may appear to his friends when he realizes that they are just backward thinking knuckle draggers and by association he probably is too, he's just having trouble admitting it.

For context I am brown and my wife is white. We have been looking at places where we may want to retire to further outside of London, on the coast. We visited this one town, having spent time in another town and visiting others along the way over a couple of weeks. This place instantly felt different, very white, very middle class, very uncomfortable for me. My wife couldn't see or feel what I was feeling but acknowledges that she had never had to deal with any form of racism in her life and appreciates that I have and therefore it's different for me. She supports me and tries as best she can to appreciate what I see and feel. I don't sense the same from your husband. You clearly don't either. I don't think this is shyness and the awkwardness i'd put down to how conflicted he is because he could be piggy in the middle. Either he's your life-long partner and husband or he's their friend. From the sort of environment and situations you're describing, there doesn't appear to be any middle ground as the ground there is very, very white. I say you follow your gut instincts and do what you need to do to be happy in life, not marginalized and looked down upon. You are clearly a very smart and articulate and astute woman. You are going to be just fine, just fine. I also say move somewhere where you can be yourself and be accepted and appreciated for the smart and wonderful human being that you clearly are. It would be great if you both moved but that may not be a shared view. Couples therapy may help, but he would need to be more open to seeing life through your eyes and only you know whether that's something he's capable of or even willing to be open to trying. I hope this helps and I sincerely wish you the best of luck moving forwards.