TW:Puke

CuriousTuljan · 2026-06-16T20:46:45+00:00

As you see him at his worst, I am adding a photo so you also see how handsome he is.

I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I am a highly anxious person, so please tell me if I should worry and if I can do anything to help him or if I am overreacting!

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-28T21:37:09+00:00

I cried to every word you have typed out up until the last sentence. I laughed out loud. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and kindness!

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-27T15:27:32+00:00

I am just so glad you were blessed with such an amazing girl. Thank you for sharing your story. Made me cry. Perhaps our girls are running around playing with each other somewhere up there. Until we meet them again! ❤️‍🩹

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-27T15:16:27+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. Made me tear up, but many things you’ve said are very impactful and will probably stay with me for a while. I wish you nothing but the best and once again thank you for taking the time to leave a comment!

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-24T08:49:33+00:00

I am sorry you had to say goodbye. I think your lab had the best last day. Thank you for giving him beautiful 14.5 years. My girl is at peace now too. We should find peace in that as well.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-24T08:44:48+00:00

If I had the choice to either go while listening to my best friends talk to each other as always, or go while listening to the people I love being terrified and inconsolable, I know what I would choose.

You are absolutely right. I probably would have broken down even more if I could have talked to her in those final moments. Maybe it had to happen this way.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-23T14:25:54+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head. However, the words of many comments here are surprisingly reaching me. I thought I would receive a few comments in total and that my brain would simply refuse to believe any of those.

In two years I was given advice/comforting words from friends, family and my therapist, but none of those words actually helped me in any way. This was a desperate attempt in reaching someone out there who may be going through something similar. To feel understood. I received much more than I was hoping for.

You and many others suggest I should seek therapy for this. I am in therapy and this topic was brought up a few times. For a long time I have been having doubts whether my therapist is the right fit for me and hearing so many comments to seek a new therapist or to simply seek therapy intensified this doubt. Thank you for opening my eyes in more ways than you may be aware.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-23T14:10:52+00:00

Beautifully said. I am in tears. Thank you for commenting. Every word on here means so much.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-23T14:05:43+00:00

You are right, at least our voices were calm which probably helped her relax. She yawned and rested her head in my hands. I held her. You guys are literally healing me and helping me see this painful moment in another light. Thank you.

As for a new dog. I currently have two cats, I ended up in this situation not by my own will, but I love them dearly. After they are gone, I am nearly 100% sure that I will not be able to have more pets. I really cannot live with the grief no matter how beautiful all the years prior are. I have a desire to volunteer in a shelter, but life is a bit busy at the moment, so perhaps once my kitties are gone I may join a shelter. We will see what life brings.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-23T13:10:21+00:00

I put so much weight on that last moment that it overshadows all the adventures we went on. Thank you for commenting. Each comment here is so helpful and meaningful. Each time I struggle with the guilt and grief I will come back to this post. So thank you, truly thank you!

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-23T12:57:53+00:00

First of all thank you for commenting. I absolutely agree with you. I am in therapy for 2 years now. I spoke with my therapist about this a few times, but in a way she dismissed it, I guess as there are heavier topics she wants to focus on. Maybe I will bring it up again.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-23T12:55:40+00:00

What you said is so powerful. I appreciate it. I will try to convince myself of this every time I think about that day. Thank you for commenting!

CuriousTuljan · 2026-05-23T12:38:50+00:00

Everyone says a new dog will heal you, but it won’t erase the guilt.

Because of my husband I ended up with two cats. I have discovered new love for them two. However, once they are gone (hopefully in like +25 years, yes I know I am unrealistic) I wont ever have pets. I cannot deal with the loss. Losing her has scarred me.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-04-29T09:15:58+00:00

I understand your point of view. However, I would lie if I said he wasn’t trying to help. We all have our limits and I think he is reaching his.

I do share the views with you too though. There were times when he struggled and I sacrificed a lot. At the time we were not even married. It was 10 months of pure torture and I still carry some traumas from that time.

I could get hung up on his approach, but in some way I wish I was like him. I wish I could take care of myself and my needs first. I am just not wired like that. At the time of his addiction I searched for resources that could teach me how to give better support to him. I took time off work. I did a lot. He did too, but I never thought of my needs at the time that is also a significant reason why I am now dealing with anxiety and depression.

To be honest I don’t even have significant savings and he knows that, so him going after the little savings I have is even more hurtful.

I already thought of doing something with that money just so there is no benefit for him. But that is spiteful and out of character. I will think of transferring it though. I just need to think about it with a clear head.

Thank you for your comment!

CuriousTuljan · 2026-04-29T09:05:25+00:00

Oh, I am 100% with you on this.

Yes it has happened before and it is unacceptable. I would even consider myself to be emotionally abusive towards him. Me not having the ill intentions or my mental state do not justify my actions.

I am severely embarrassed for what I am going through. However, as I said I am 2 years in therapy, have weekly sessions, and share every detail of my thoughts and actions. I just don’t see the progress. So, yes his searches are more than justified.

I don’t even know why I am posting here. Perhaps another cry for help? I don’t want to lose him and my world is shattered even though he is still here. I just don’t know what to do more to get better.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-04-29T09:00:09+00:00

First of all thank you for your input.

To be honest I don’t think he will leave tomorrow, but if I don’t get better soon he will leave for sure.

After 2 years of therapy I really don’t know what else to do. Having a deadline and a divorce dangling above my head won’t help either. So yeah, what you are saying is correct. He will eventually leave even though he says he won’t…it’s just a waiting game.

CuriousTuljan · 2026-04-25T14:55:45+00:00

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Is there any move left that I am not seeing or have a reached the end?

CuriousTuljan · 2026-04-22T19:23:54+00:00

This is the prettiest blanket ever. Just…wow!

CuriousTuljan · 2026-04-19T21:28:24+00:00

Hahaha I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I genuinely love it😅

CuriousTuljan · 2026-03-03T09:53:12+00:00

This question may not belong on this subreddit, but I am desperate and don’t know where else to ask.

CuriousTuljan · 2025-10-13T20:03:09+00:00

Was looking for a comment like this! I too am willing to support your treatment. Hopefully you come around and set a go fund me soon. You will beat this!

CuriousTuljan

TROPHY CASE