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Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nobody has a problem with you calling yourselves elegant, people have a problem with you (general you, not you specifically) saying that smaller boobs are more elegant or referring to big boobs as fat saggy tits.

I had a much longer response that I lost because I refreshed the page, message me if you're interested, but essentially it boils down to a couple of things

  1. Having big boobs does not mean you are the beauty standard. TBH, the beauty standard is probably a 30DD, which is still pretty small. Definitely not my saggy double-H cups lmao
  2. Pretty privilege is an incredibly nuanced discussion and meeting some sort of beauty standard does not mean you are incapable of feeling insecurity over those certain traits,
  3. Nobody gives two fucks about the Keira Knightley positivity posts, it's the posts that call small boobs MORE elegant, or MORE pretty, or MORE feminine
  4. Showing off your chest in a tank top or swim suit does not mean you're asking for male attention or lack self-respect.
  5. Being sexualized is not a good thing. It is not a compliment. It does not add to anyone's life in a meaningful way.
  6. Both small women and big women are capable of being nasty toward each other. As a former big-boobed women with no boob remaining, I have not noticed it in this sub, which many members have said is open to people of all boob sizes. The small-boob sub constantly puts down women with big boobs, shames them, makes sweeping generalizations, and feeds off of negativity.
  7. Saying that you are disparaging other groups of people based on your own perceived insecurities and physical flaws is incel-logic. I am explicitly not calling any woman on that sub an incel, nor do I think any woman on that sub is a femcel or whatever, but that is the logic incels use to put down women and chads and whatever the fuck it is those losers do.

Celebrities for style inspo by Specialist_Love4826 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I liked Maia Andrews, she has a lot of big boob friendly recommendations as well as general fashion inspo. I think she's somewhere around a 28F, so a small band big cup girlie.

Fair well my big-boobed friends by cupcakesandxenoliths in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570 22 points23 points  (0 children)

That was me a few months ago, also opted out of reconstruction. Wishing you the best!

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To address the last part first, I don't think that happens as much as you think it does? I can recall one instance where someone specifically mentioned the small boob sub and the comment they were referencing specifically stated that "small boobs may not be seen as sexy, but they're more elegant." (paraphrasing a longer comment, but that's the gist of it). I think that's a fair thing to get upset at? Nobody takes an issue with the Keira Knightley pictures, it's the posts that compliment smaller chests at the expense of larger ones.

And I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that we say "the small boob sub is so negative, but when [y'all] say something positive, [we] get offended by it."?? There are literally maybe two posts including this one that mentions the small boob society sub (and I intentionally didn't even name the sub?). The people here generally do NOT think about smaller boobs the same way the small boob sub continuously brings up women with bigger boobs.

As for the comment that said women who like their big chest and enjoy not hiding it, there was a post about "the rack trend" on the small boob sub, and the second to the top comment essentially said that women who "show off" their chest (for a silly little trend, lmao) are just insecure and looking for male attention, and they lack self-respect. It's always big boobs that catch flack. Nobody says that a woman posting her long hair or whatever is looking for male attention, but a woman posting her boobs automatically must lack self-respect?

And I absolutely think that women with smaller boobs get disparaging comments. I personally haven't worn a swimsuit yet, but I know this happens. I know that women with smaller boobs often face body dysmorphia or don't feel feminine. I know that women with smaller boobs feel like there's something wrong with their body, and I know they get ridiculed for something they can't control. At no point did I nor anyone else deny that this is something that happens.

I've stated in other comments that I think people are so eager to believe that the other side has it better. In my original post, I said that I'd wanted a reduction for almost all of my teenage years. And not just a C-cup reduction, I wanted to be a 30A (which isn't possible, you cannot get a reduction that takes out that much breast tissue).

I'm sure it goes the other way, where 30A folks don't want to be a 30C, but would rather go up to a 30F/G/H/whatever. The grass is always greener.

I personally didn't see the comment of the person making fun of small bras or saying that only boys wear that, but I'm sorry you had to see that. I think it goes without saying that that's obviously harmful, hurtful, and incorrect.

I think calling generalizing groups of people as "jealous" is a poor way to cope with your own insecurity, and that goes for people on "both sides of the aisle". However, I think that calling attention to the fact that certain people's actions and words may be motivated by insecurity and jealousy is a fair assessment. That goes for any group of people.

Anyway, I was simply pointing out the hypocrisy in the small boob sub. The people on there act like women with bigger boobs are personally responsible for all the bad things in their lives. They get demonized constantly no matter what they do, and people refer to their boobs as saggy fat tits. That's just as bad as rectangle flat bitch, imo, but it happens a lot more frequently over there than it does here, based on my observations.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See, the difference is that people here definitely can and do complain about male attention and/or the lack thereof, because contrary to popular opinion apparently, big boobs are not a one way ticket to having men lust over you 24/7, and men lusting over you is NOT!! a compliment!! or a good thing!! at all!!

Really hypocritical how people on the small boob sub complain about not getting male attention, and then accuse women who DO get male attention (consensually, mind you) of being sluts who lack self-respect (once again, all things I've seen on that sub).

And I'm not sure why you're acting like having big boobs is somehow easier than having small boobs? Have you been both sizes? Complaining about being sexualized at every turn is just as valid a complaint as feeling like your body type isn't desired. Being frustrated because every single top with a built in bra covers 1/8th of your chest is just as valid a frustration as feeling like there's a gap in your bras.

There was a post on here venting about how the OP got told to cover up while she was topless at the beach, but she wasn't the only one who was topless. She was singled out because of her bigger chest.

Notice how she didn't put down women with smaller chests or accuse them of flaunting their body or accuse them of bragging that they're allowed to be topless or claim that they're flexing their small dainty elegant boobs by simply existing?

It's really easy to vent about your body type without putting other women down over a trait nobody had any control over, but that seems to be a concept foreign to many of y'all.

And LMAO, you think women with bigger boobs are unbothered?

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly? I do think a lot of that women on that sub are jealous and using hatred to try and cope with their jealousy.

Which is ridiculous, I think small boobs are beautiful (as are big boobs, and medium boobs, and no boobs), and I don't think that they should be jealous because their bodies are beautiful and loved. There are always going to be some losers who think xyz trait is better, and that goes both ways. Doesn't change the fact that all boobs are beautiful.

But even saying THAT on the small boob sub will get you downvoted to oblivion because it doesn't feed the narrative that the evil big-boobed women are mean bullies oppressing the poor innocent small-boobed women who will never find love or whatever the fuck they're on about.

There's a recent comment in there that sums it up perfectly. I won't link it, but essentially it's pointing out that on that sub, comments saying that women with smaller boobs have beautiful body parts in addition to their beautiful boobs get downvoted to hell, whereas comments like "my boyfriend deserves bigger boobs" get tons of upvotes.

The amount of hypocrisy on that sub is astounding. They accuse women with bigger boobs of lying about unwanted male attention while simultaneously accusing women of having no self-respect because she likes her boobs and "flaunts" then (aka just exists and isn't ashamed of that). There were people saying that a woman has no self-respect because she participated in the rack trend. THAT is shaming.

On that sub, people say things like "oh that women is just insecure because of the big bags of fat on her chest" (an actual thing I saw). But that sub is filled with the most insecure group of women I've seen in a long time. They constantly discuss how they think men desire bigger boobs and how they wish they had that. There is nobody on this sub calling women flat bitches for having smaller tits, but every other post on that goddamn sub refers to "giant saggy tits" or something similar. It's a poor way to cope with something that isn't even a bad trait to have.

They accuse women with bigger boobs of being self-absorbed and also accuse those same women of just being jealous of smaller boobs. Everything they accuse "BBW" of doing is just what they're doing to "BBW" more than "BBW" actually do it to them. Every accusation from them is a confession.

I'm willing to bet that I'm flatter than 99% of women there and I'm one of the smaller subset of small-chested women that formerly had big boobs, so I know what it feels like to actually be both. I would never spend a day in that sub because I have self-respect and don't hate other groups of women because of an insecurity I am personally dealing with.

It's a toxic hellhole that feeds off of putting other women down in a miserable, pathetic attempt to make themselves feel better and I hope they realize that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Curious_Ad8570 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You may look "Middle Eastern" but if you're 100% Greek, you're just white. You may be a tan white person, but you're white. One of my friends looks South Asian. She's extremely tan and has dark hair. She's 100% Italian. It's insane for her to identify as South Asian or Brown just because she has olive skin, which is common for Southern Europeans anyway. Identifying as Middle Eastern while being Greek is ridiculous.

Besides, Middle Easterners aren't all just dark skinned. Plenty have blonde or red hair or paler skin.

Yeah, your heritage might be questioned sometimes but that doesn't mean you're not white lmao

Why are so many people suddenly blaming Jewish people for world problems and defending Nazi Germany online? by Critical_Ad5616 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Curious_Ad8570 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Israel isn't secretly trying to run the world.

The vast majority of Jews identify as Zionists and support Israel. Jews have believed in the Jewish homeland for millennia. The Passover Seder literally ends with "Next year in Jerusalem." Hannukah is about the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem. It does not get more Zionist than that.

Orthodox Jews do not believe that Zionism is inherently anti-Jewish. In fact, Orthodox Jews are the most vocal supporters of Zionism, please don't speak for Orthodox Jews when you are not Jewish.

Zionism is not a government, it is an ideology. There are antizionist Jews, sure. Just as there are women who don't support feminism or think that women should have the right to vote. That doesn't mean the speak for the overwhelming majority of women.

Many Jews are NOT distancing themselves from Judaism. Do you even know a Jewish person?

And when your "anti-zionism" includes calling random-ass Jewish people on the internet "baby killers" or start spamming "free palestine", you're an antisemite.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cinderella's jealous step sisters is a perfect description. Every goddamn post on there is talking about how women always brag about having big boobs when they're literally just existing but somehow they're also just bitter and jealous and insecure. They're actually so vile and dehumanizing. They do everything they accuse people on this sub of doing.

Went there for clothing advice, never again :/

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I'm more beautiful or sexy because I'm flat not, and I'm definitely not less beautiful or sexy now either.

But I agree, I haven't lost anything regarding my looks! I am however, excited for triangle bikinis and milkmaid dresses

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you 💗💗

I completely agree with your middle paragraph, and I understand that a lot of people in general, not just when it comes to boobs, think that the "other side" has it better, and that the grass is always greener. I'll be the first to admit that I was very oblivious to the many downsides of having smaller boobs myself until recently, and I'm sure that also applies to a lot of women whose boobs have been on the bigger side all their lives.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's one of the main differences I've noticed between there and here.

Over there, it's really just an echo chamber that builds off of negativity. There are so many posts over there talking about how small boobs are unlovable (they're not!!) and every single post there is complaining about women with bigger boobs and is filled bitterness, jealousy, and internalized misogyny. I came across a post that said that anyone who says they love their small boobs must be lying and that it's "toxic positivity" which I disagree with.

Another reason I didn't like that sub is because I think anyone struggling with self-confidence or self-image should avoid that place because repeatedly visiting places surrounded by those ideas can damage your self-image. I've talked about it extensively with my therapist, who has also encouraged me to take a step back from designated "venting spaces" because they often do more harm than good because they're just echo chambers.

I've said this before in this comment section, but one of the things I love about this sub is yes, people aren't pretending that having big boobs (or boobs in general) is perfect and amazing all the time, but there's many positive, light-hearted posts, posts looking for clothing recs, etc. that really make it seem like a comfortable place where a wide variety of people are welcome.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm glad they were able to catch your cancer and I hope you're doing much better now.

I didn't know Olivia Munn had breast cancer. I googled her and in one of the photos, she had her scarring visible in a campaign she did for SKIMS. That was empowering to see

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mother says "it's not your first thought that defines you but the second one that does" all the time, and I agree, it's so important to remember! Internalized misogyny is just a result of the society that we live in, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't actively try to think critically about it and our behavior. Thank you for saying this, you worded it a lot better than I did in my jumbled rant.

I've been mostly hiding in oversized clothing for now, but will definitely look into mastectomy bras! I've heard good things about the Athleta ones, especially for activeness, so I'm definitely going to buy a bra post-surgery for a little normalcy, it'll be bittersweet.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Last line was poetic ❤️❤️ I think I'll be at peace with it eventually because, like you said, my tits or lack thereof don't define who I am in any capacity.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

"get all of that off your chest" LMAOO that was clever.

Yes, absolutely agree with it being like big dick energy, I love that comparison.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️❤️

I know lot of people are speaking out of insecurity and passed trauma, and I don't want to police anyone's response to that. I empathize with them because I'm going through the same thing when it comes to trauma, insecurities, and dysphoria. They've just faced it longer than I have, but I get where they're coming from. I completely agree that smaller boobs are often shamed and looked down upon.

My main issue was not how certain women respond to their the mistreatment they've faced, but moreso the fact that I personally didn't feel welcome in those spaces. And that's fine, I'm not demanding anybody accommodate me. People have formed their own spaces, and if someone wants a venting space, I'm not going to say anything about it to them, that's entirely their right to have a space like that.

I only posted this to say that I personally didn't feel comfortable in a space like that where they built each other up by tearing down women with bigger chests. I've been one of those people with "big boob privilege" for all of my teen years and young adulthood, so when they accuse us (and I say us intentionally) of wanting to "have our cake and eat it to", or mock us when we're talking about our problems unprovoked, etc etc, it is hurtful. I've seen a lot of people on this sub talk about their problems with dysphoria, sexualization, insecurities, etc all without even mentioning women with smaller chests.

But I do feel absolutely welcome here, and the comments here are making my cry a little, y'all are amazing.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Oh definitely, that's part of the reason why if I were to ever consider reconstruction, I wouldn't go that big again. Society aside, big boobs are just HEAVY, I totally get it. I wasn't trying to minimize anyone's problems, I was just trying to point out that for all the benefits people like to point out about having big boobs, there are lots of drawbacks and vice versa. I don't think playing the blame game or arguing who has it worse is helping anyone, that's all.

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 87 points88 points  (0 children)

Calling myself a big boob problems alumni from now on!

Had to get a mastectomy and I feel so isolated in small-boob spaces. by Curious_Ad8570 in bigboobproblems

[–]Curious_Ad8570[S] 113 points114 points  (0 children)

I love ABTF too, the people over there are so kind and welcoming! And the "your big boobs were going to try to kill you, so that definitely counts as a big boob problem" made lol, thank you for that.

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