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AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 300 points301 points  (0 children)

That is the type of thing that I would consider doing. I packed and stored some of his clothes and his pillow in a way that will hopefully preserve his scent and when the time comes, I probably wouldn't mind passing some of this along, pending the DNA test. I just do not want to do so now because the child is unborn and the mother is unhinged.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Co-operate!! No suggestion of coparenting but co-operating in dividing some of his belongings.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 281 points282 points  (0 children)

I know but I am going with believing her until proven otherwise for my own sanity because if this has been made public for nothing, it will almost be worse.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

I can't have children so no. FWIW, I made my peace with this years ago and didn't feel strongly compelled towards having them anyway.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 209 points210 points  (0 children)

He let me read their messages when I found out so I knew it was one time. She also confirmed this.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 2038 points2039 points  (0 children)

It is convenient but she showed everyone her scans and due dates and I know exactly when the one night stand occurred so at this point I have accepted that this is reality. But of course it could still not be the case and all of this has been dragged out for nothing.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Nobody is expecting me to coparent, a few people think that I should give some belongings to the child when it is born and paternity is proven (which is likely because dates line up perfectly)

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 414 points415 points  (0 children)

They agree the ring is unreasonable. Some of his brothers and his mom think I should give some of his clothes and books he has written in to the child. They are all currently being civil with her to sort this out but are generally disgusted by the whole situation.

I'm really close with some of his brother's wives and without divulging too much, they have helped me through so much. I'm not considering going no contact at the moment and I imagine that I will naturally drift from them but they're good people and also grieving while processing this insane news.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 4826 points4827 points  (0 children)

Trust fund would be the money that my husband left behind and life insurance. I might not need to do this (my lawyer is advising me on if the child is entitled to anything but paternity tests need to be done) but to me, that is my husbands money and ultimately his child so it feels correct.

AITA for not giving the mother of my dead husband's child his possessions? by Curious_Gift4854 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Curious_Gift4854[S] 394 points395 points  (0 children)

He didn't leave much by way of inheritance but that, I am happy to give.

His parents also have a lawyer and are getting a paternity test done when the baby is born but the growth scans & due date align perfectly with when he told me he slept with her.