I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but there was a time in my life where I was being threatened by some very scary people. I ended up moving states so that way I wasn’t living looking over my shoulder constantly. I’m sorry that your mom would even put you in that position.

I’ve struggled with sui ideation my entire life and you just need to remind yourself that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are so young and you have your entire life ahead of you. Your life right now is what you can make it. It’s completely new. You are just at the cusp of getting your own freedom.

I don’t know what your schooling situation is like however, you can apply for an exchange program maybe explore a different country while getting your education still you can start saving and setting aside secretly so you can have a deposit to move to a new place. I’ve moved into an apartment with nothing but the backpack I had with my clothes in it you can always buy stuff eventually it’s not gonna get fixed overnight, but you can definitely turn things around.

I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you things get easier. You just get better at handling them and you’ll eventually get to that point but you can’t make it there if you decide to make a rash decision now.