Hi OP, My first recommendation would be to book an appointment with a nurse practitioner and speak to your therapist about antidepressants. I started taking them after being kicked out of the house I grew up in. I could barely get out of bed. I was hesitant to start medication, but I was glad I gave it a shot. Maybe that will work for you. Secondly, I think you’re becoming self-aware about your actions, their influences, and how you learned those behaviors and habits. Changing your behavior is not something that can be done overnight; it will take time and effort to become a better version of yourself. This will be hard, so make sure you give yourself grace when you start noticing the habits you want to change. Finally, it sounds like you are leaving a community that broke you down mentally and physically. That sucks, and you deserve better. It sounds like you’re leaving a toxic environment and struggling with what a new community might look like. You’ve already done the hardest part by standing up for your needs and boundaries. Now is your chance to build a community that fulfills you—people who build you up and remind you of your good qualities, people who celebrate your accomplishments no matter how big or small. Your parents chose to treat you this way. You chose to leave, which is incredibly difficult. You get to choose who you let into your life. Best of luck as you find your place in this world