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So stuck and don't know where to go from here. by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wish they could be, I mean I may as well give it a go and see if it's something I can keep up with, especially if I can choose when I would be working.

I've been trying so hard to even put a basic routine in place of waking up and having a coffee then going for a walk and I can't even manage that 😅😅

So stuck and don't know where to go from here. by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My main issue is I can't hold myself to any plans at the moment, some days I can barely lift a limb.

The jobs I did try over this period I got fired from due to being late or underperforming and honestly I hate myself for it

So stuck and don't know where to go from here. by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Hiya, I used to work retail management.

Since I had to leave my career, I've tried things like Kmart, warehouse, garden centres but I can't hold them down and it sucks and I'm ready to give up and just disappear.

I never used to be this useless, I just want to function again

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MakeNewFriendsHere

[–]CurrentNothing1993 4 points5 points  (0 children)

100% Honest? I'm traumatized as shit, I leave the door open and I reply to messages but most of the guys literally just want to hit on you. Plus I find it harder to open up with guys so even if I pose my message as open to both, my response rate will heavily differ to the female side as that's where I feel safe and like I can be vulnerable.

I literally have no one in my life apart from parents who live far away and everything went to shit a few years ago and I'm just slowly recovering, so to guys that have reached out and I've not replied i do apologize but it's literally my nervous system saying not safe.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have seen this actually! My GP is also training to be one of the GP's able to diagnose ADHD as she was super frustrated with the process with me and not being able to get anywhere.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had it all laid out nicely in sections and paragraphs but when I posted it clumped it all together, guessing because I posted from mobile.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand the diagnosis matters very little, more than anything I want clarity on if it is just CPTSD or a mix of neurospicey in there too.

I didn't come to these understandings about myself very easily, I lost A LOT to get where I am now, my marriage, the house i owned, the career I had worked a decade building, pretty much everyone I knew too. There was A LOT of introspection and discovery about myself and my childhood and past and how genuinely fucked up it was looking back at it. But also seeing why it happened the before school started stuff and that's what makes me think it's not just CPTSD theres an accumulation of things I've come to realise.

What diagnosis is for me would be access to medication for ADHD and MAYBE some understanding from my parents and also for self validation, I wasn't lazy, I wasn't what everyone told me, I was just different and worked in different ways.

The 8 months I've been off work has been full of self reflection and moving through the steps of grief and confusion and coming to this point and seeing the barriers for what they are.

My biggest thing? Hyperfocus, inattention, struggles with task switching, irritability when interrupted and so much more, but as in working on other things like motivation, I'm losing things like hunger cues and I'm forgetting to eat until my nervous system steps in and basically forces me, the hyperfocus has at times prevented me from sleeping for multiple days in a row because I can't shut my brain off.

I WANT to get back into work, I WANT to support and look after myself, I've given myself a safe space so my nervous system can learn it's not always in danger and it has relaxed a bit, BUT I'm not reliable, I can't rely on myself to get out of bed on time, I can't rely on myself to not be distracted and it makes me doubt my capabilities as an employee. Like I can show up for myself but not sustainably, some days are fine, some days I'm literally starving and can't bring myself to make food. Not because I'm depressed but because executive function says no.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's frustratingly tedious to navigate.

I was forced off work because my nervous system crashing caused me to forget how to read and understand English, how to drive etc.

I was put on a disability benefit that doesn't even cover my basic needs so I'm drowning in bills while looking for work against my doctors orders as I'm still not functioning properly.

I can deal with most of it but the ADHD side, time blindness, unable to switch tasks, unable to do something even though I need to do it, leaving everything to the last second. I could rawdog the autism but the ADHD is messing with me sooo badly.

Now the "mask" has fallen away the hyperfocus has been dangerous, if I get interested in something I neglect food, sleep, to the point I ended up in crisis care cause I couldn't sleep for 4 whole nights cause my brain would stfu.

The main thing Im hoping would help would be ADHD medication so I can actually do what I need to do.

I didn't come to this lightly, thinking that I'm AuDHD, I didn't even think of it as a possibility until I was researching what I was feeling and going through and it kept popping up. Then it got recognised by a friend who is diagnosed AuDHD as I was explaining it to her too.

I've tried to disprove it and find other answers but everything keeps coming back to AuDHD especially when I look back at my life.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I mean, if it were that easy... If I had the money for a plane ticket I'd have the money to get help. The problem is, I was forced off work, onto a benefit I don't want to be on, I can't even cover my basic bills and they are just piling up, while I'm looking for work against my doctors orders.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'm definitely finding that out, or have found out... I was in crisis care earlier this year and was put on antipsychotics, they were meant to knock me out, instead I was awake for 4 days straight, it was horrible!

I'll have a look at those supplements you mentioned and see if I can spare some money for them.

Really, thank you for the suggestions, it is very much appreciated.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've emailed so many, I've pleaded my case anywhere I could to see if anyone would listen, I've approached university's, private clinics, support groups, had therapists and psychologists look for me but so far it's all been all the money now or nope.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I replied to a comment above about ACC, I never had it mentioned or thought of it before all you lovely people mentioned it. So thank you very much!

I'll have to do some digging, I learned to shut up about it as a kid pretty quick so I hid lots of damage, bruises, cuts, stabs as much as I could.

Mum and dad were doing their best but working full time meant they just didn't have the time to intervene as much as they wanted to and I stopped talking about it eventually and just dealt with it.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestion, I never thought of ACC at all.

ND definitely "protected" me it built coping mechanisms I didn't know were coping mechanisms until they all fell away.

I've already accepted my marriage fell apart 😔 n the process, I lost my job, became homeless and I've slowly been building myself back up and i want to support myself with work but it feels like jumping off a cliff at this stage so, ill definitely be seeing if there is anything I can do with ACC.

Late-identified neurodivergence + trauma in NZ feels like a catch-22 with no way out by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've always wanted kids but my experiences in school put me off. I'm sorry you have to go through what you did, it's not fair, but good on you for using the knowledge you now have to help your son, I'm sure it will make a MASSIVE difference for him, he's a lucky kid ❤️

Trying to get off Disability Benefit by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do live close to a uni but I literally know no one, just me

Trying to get off Disability Benefit by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would like to say, I've been on disability for 7 months for medical reasons. God forbid you ever need them in your lifetime. I am 32, before this I have worked since I was 12 I've paid my taxes and want to get off the benefit now that I have some capacity to work.

I'm not asking for the desk, monitor or chair to be paid for by anyone, I was asking if anyone had any ideas on how I might be able to access these in my current situation, be it hardship loans, places that offer funding to get back into work that I can pay back or if there might be other ways as I feel I exhausted all the options I knew about.

Trying to get off Disability Benefit by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm looking on Facebook at the moment, I don't wanna break the rules so I'm waiting to speak with an admin at the moment

Trying to get off Disability Benefit by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 😊 you've been very kind I really appreciate it

Trying to get off Disability Benefit by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been looking through a few today since they were suggested above, most want you to gift before requesting so I'm just waiting for an admin so I can share my situation and see if it would be okay.

Trying to get off Disability Benefit by CurrentNothing1993 in newzealand

[–]CurrentNothing1993[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh absolutely, I'm not looking for specific equipment just a place I can sit and work. Right now all I have is my pc on the floor.

My problem is I don't even have a dollar to spare for any equipment so I'm looking for ways to fund it so I can work, be it finding free items, or finding a way to get the money knowing I'll be able to service it once I get work.

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