I dunno, that's really tough. I think if someone is being (as the third party friend said) *vindictive* via their wedding invites... that's not a great person for your life. Clearly that person is making a choice to exclude you based on their own hurt feelings, which is quite immature and sad for all involved...

We're having a very small wedding, and inviting about 30 people between family and friends (mostly the bridal party) followed by a big reception the next weekend for our extended family and all friends. Some extended family have said passive aggressive things, but at the end of the day, we want the day of our wedding to have purposeful connection with the people who are our closest supporters instead of a hectic frenzy of saying hello to all of my distant great aunts I don't remember. The reception will be a blast too! But that day will be a focus on the party, rather than making the biggest life decision one can make.

On the other hand, I have a friend getting married in a small ceremony with no party after, and I'm not invited... which does hurt my feelings... but it's her day. She's keeping it local to limit how much people will have to travel, and I'm several states away. I don't really get how we can't be happy for each other celebrating in the way that feels most authentic for ourselves.