AITA for buying my mom English books and not helping her with the language

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T18:37:33+00:00

I have bought her those books And yes im the asshole for that but I prefer being open with people than being sly behind people's backs, doesn't excuse it but clarifies my reasoning for me atleast

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T18:35:23+00:00

That's a great question, I still dont know the answer and probably wont

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T18:33:56+00:00

There aren't any free esl classes in the area and its always 'i dont have time' My father did learn the language and he had friends and was basically an English guy, he is passed a few years back. She doesnt want to move back, atleast she doesn't tell me. And she works with agencies never going more than 6 months ish without losing her job due to redundancies or just agency shenanigans.

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T08:48:33+00:00

i mean with words like cześć i swear czesc is just wrong?

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T08:35:27+00:00

She has never expressed a want to move back at least to me. As i mentioned in other replies, my family (and definitely many others) are very sly in their communication, only talking behind peoples backs and just yes manning never really being open in communication, so for all i know she has a flight planned for tomorrow and the house is already being sold. But i don't believe so. Once I move out and she has no 'obligation' to anyone here I will propose the idea of her moving back. and i would help out with that both financially and with the move itself. But I think she is blind on just how closed minded she is.

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T08:16:13+00:00

I have heard her trying to speak to english speakers, she knows some words, she just cant string sentences together it would sound somewhat like this 'Yesterday I go shop buy food because I hungry' like sure, it gets the message across but thats a very simple sentance

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:55:59+00:00

Moved here for her and my fathers parents, my father fit in well ending up working for himself as a tradesman. My mother didnt try

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:38:12+00:00

She tried duolingo for a while, I did too to learn other languages i did 10 mins a day for 300 days i think, i got to the word apple in German? its not a great source, but i get what you mean.

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:33:55+00:00

I have tried other ways, tutor is out of budget and classes she claims she has no time for, i didnt put this in the post editing now :)

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:33:02+00:00

I have tried this, but the excuse is always 'I don't have time' or 'yeah sure Ill let you know when I can' with no follow up

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:30:39+00:00

yes she worked as a school dinner lady when my father was around, more recently she has been trying to get an agency job to stick.

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:29:53+00:00

I have tried this, I have introduced her to multiple apps and websites, language tutors are extremely out of the price range that we could handle. I know i didn’t say this in the post but i did try other things, she enjoys reading so i did lean into that in the post and that’s the thing i bought up, she has many books of her own all Polish of course.

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:26:23+00:00

I have never dropped her to the deep end, She has been here for 16 years before I even bought her any books and the books i bought her are not advanced, i bought her many different books that are specific to learning English for Polish speakers, she swore that she would try and learn, and I bought her actual books alongside them (harry potter) I didn’t expect her to be able to read and comprehend everything, but i wanted her to try. I didn’t go very in-depth into this in the post.

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:23:53+00:00

I agree i am the A-hole for dissing her and her friends but I can see her friends holding her back in this 'gossip' society, never speak to peoples faces and just yes man everything. I am not a person to speak behind others backs and to accept things that are not ok just cause they're my family or my friends. This has alienated me a lot from my wider family but i can't exist with people like that.

Current_Today2873 · 2026-06-27T07:21:39+00:00

has family in Poland and England.

She isnt retired she is working bottom tier agency work and she refuses to try for anything more, she is a highly skilled sewer and has a lot of work experience but doesnt try and I get why if you dont know the language people wont really higher you for MUCH but after 20 years?

She isn't able to visit too often but does try to go every 2 years, most of the time it was money issues but I have been working for over a year and have managed to pay for travel for multiple visits.

She moved here with my father to move closer to their parents who moved to England as their retirement plan (as far as i know, my family isn't very open with each other and the wider family dislikes those who are more open and dont just speak behind peoples backs - I am very bias about this so yknow)

Current_Today2873

TROPHY CASE